Do You Remember
by Silli-zicuni
Summary: Roxas' life is speeding downwards, fast. He no longer has any reason... Then along comes a certain redhead. Can Axel make Roxas feel like someone loves him? Yaoi, AkuRoku
1. You're Alone

**AN: **Yay for me! Another story :) This… uhm… can you call it plot (?)… came to me while I was listening to 'Do You Remember' by The Summer Obsession. And since I'm lazy, that's where the title's from.  
I want to dedicate it to: ANDI!! (adwkokos) 'Cause she's spending loads of time on helping me with my crappy grammar and spelling...(I'm not THAT bad... but there's always mistakes, ey?)  
_-Re-written version_**  
Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing: **Axel x Roxas.  
**Disclaimer:** Well obviously I don't own Kingdom Hearts…  
Proof: Kairi exists, and there's not a lot of hot, sweaty make out scenes between any hot guys!! If I did own Kingdom Hearts… you'd notice…. xP **  
Warning: **Yaoi (boy x boy love) and since it's me, there will be some Limes/Lemons in later chapters… That's why it's rated M!! And probably there will be some language…  
There will be some major OOC-ness …

**Chapter 1:**

Roxas was lying in his bed, the stereo in his room turned up to max volume. The room was dark, seeing that he had turned the lights off. Roxas had also pulled out the curtains, preventing the last light of day from entering.

The blonde boy didn't pay much attention to that his music was so loud. No one was home to care about it anyway. They were out, celebrating that Roxas' twin brother, Sora, had completed yet another term at school with straight A's. Of course, Roxas hadn't been invited to join them. He never was. He wasn't good enough for his parents. At least, that's what they told him, when he showed them his grades. They weren't bad grades, not at all, but nothing compared to his brother.

Nothing Roxas did was ever good enough. He was sure about one thing; his father hated him. If the man was angry, he would take it out on Roxas, yelling at the boy and telling him off for no reason. The worst part though, was that sometimes, when there was nobody there to see it, his father hit him.

His mother was as bad as his father, just from another aspect. She almost never addressed him directly, and she pretty much ignored him. There was no 'Hi honey, how was your day?', nor any 'It looks like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?' No, she ignored him, because he simply wasn't worthy of her attention. Roxas also often got blamed for things which Sora did. He was told he had a bad influence on his wonderful, perfect brother.

Apart from how they looked, Sora and Roxas weren't very much alike at all, even though they were twins. They both had the same spikey, gravity-defying hair, Roxas blonde and Sora light brown. Their eyes had the exact same vivid shade of sapphire, and their features all over were similar. But when it came to the inside, the two couldn't have been more different from each other. Sora was simply a spoiled brat. Their parents loved him, though he wasn't as perfect as they thought he was. He was just a good actor, knowing when to play his cards right. Sora was among the popular kids at school, and had loads of what one would call 'fake friends'; people who just hung out with him for the popularity, that is. Sora rarely did his own homework, seeing he had people who gladly did them for him. So, Roxas' twin was just plain fake.

Sora was even gay. He was with one of the hottest and most popular guys in school, a sophomore named Riku. Roxas had no interest in telling their parents Sora liked guys. They would most likely yell at him again, finding a reason why it was Roxas' fault.

Roxas felt a tear run softly down his cheek. His life hadn't always been like this. It hadn't been bad, until four years ago, when Roxas was at the age of eleven. His older brother, best friend and role model, Leon, had been thrown out of the house by their dad. The reason was that he confessed he was in love with his friend, Cloud. When Leon left, Roxas had been furious with his parents. He loathed them for being able to do something like that to their son. Sora hadn't felt the same way. He loved it. One sibling less meant more attention for him. It was at this period Roxas' hatred for his family started, and it just grew stronger as time passed.

Roxas let a finger trail across his arm. Beneath the fabric of his sweater there was a bruise. His father had hit him again last night, after a night out with Roxas' mother. When Roxas' father was under the influence of alcohol, his ways of treating his blonde son were so much worse. It was these times the hits hurt the most, and the worst part was that his father didn't even have a reason to be angry.

Angrily, Roxas wiped away a couple of new tears that left his cerulean eyes. The blonde walked over to his stereo to turn it off. Roxas snorted at himself. Why was he crying? He didn't care that no one loved him.

Letting out a growl of frustration, Roxas grabbed a hold of a book, flinging it hard across the room. It hit the wall with a loud thud. The blonde broke down on the floor where he stood, sobbing miserably. Who was he trying to fool? He did care, and it was hurting him more than anything. No one loved him.

Making his way over to his desk, Roxas opened a drawer beneath it. He shuffled through the content, before he found the object of his searching. He pulled it out, looking down at the small, sliver scissor in his hand. More warm tears ran down his face as Roxas harshly pulled up the sleeve of his sweater, revealing several cuts and scars scattered across the blonde's wrist and further up his arm. Whenever Roxas had bottled up his feelings for too long, and they became too painful, he would cut himself. It was his way of releasing tension. It was the way he could soothe the pain when he didn't manage to cry. He just needed something to help him forget the pain the feelings rebelling inside him caused. Even if it was just for a little while. The cutting did exactly that. It helped him forget his inner pain, because the physical pain of the bleeding wound would drown it.

Flipping the scissor open, Roxas pressed one of the cold blades against his wrist. He slid it across, shutting his eyes tightly as to stop the tears that fell, as he left two more cuts in his skin. The pain from the cuts burned fiercely, the thin wounds leaking crimson liquid that ran down Roxas' wrist, dripping onto his pants. The boy rolled the sleeve of his sweater down again, and clutched his wrist hard with the other hand. 

He leaned with his back against the wall, his eyes still closed. The only sound in the room was Roxas' hushed sobs. The boy sat like that, until he slowly drifted off to a slumber, only one thing in his mind.

No one loved him.

He was…

alone.

-

_AN: Oh my…  
I'm sorry this is so short. But I really wanted to get chapter 1 finished, so I could get to the parts I'm really looking forwards to!  
And just in case you are wondering what time a year this is, it's the winter, soon to be Christmas. Chapter 2 will be a bit more event-filled and… longer!! And Axel will be in it! They're not gonna actually meet until chapter 3, but they'll notice each other soon. And I really have to stop telling you what's going to happen!  
My lips are sealed! And yes, I'll put in a lemon in this story, but laaater on… Because it can't be a… plot-less lemon… hehe… but never mind! I'm just rambling! _

_An evil chocolate cupcake and marshmallows for reviewers!!!!_


	2. Though There's A Reason To Smile

**AN: **Yay! Chapter 2 is finally finished! And I know it's weird that it hasn't snowed until late December, but remember: it's MY story. I do what I want with it. (Evil laugh) Actually in Norway, it's common that we don't have much snow until close to Christmas anyway… But I'm rambling. Sorry.  
And a huge thanks to the ones who has reviewed, faved, and alerted! I love you all!  
_ -Re-written version_  
**Kind of important:**  
When you're about to read the 'musical part' in this chapter I suggest you search 'dear angel', and click on the 1st result on youtube.  
There's the song I'm using in this chapter, and it's easier to follow the story if you listen to the song as well :) I really love that song!  
**Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing:** Axel x Roxas  
**Warning:** Angst, cutting etc... Yaoi and Lime/Lemons in later chapters… And there's some mild language…  
In this chapter particularly… just beware of stupid randomness and a depressive Roxas…  
And beware of Sora playing crappy music!  
**Disclaimer:** Well I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of the hot guys in that game! It's too bad. If I did there would be a lot of adorable boyboy love.  
I don't own 'Dear Angel' either.  
And I don't own anything that has to do with Britney Spears… Thank God!  
Enjoy!

**Chapter 2:**

Roxas woke on his bedroom floor. A dull ache was burning in his wrist, and his head was hazy, seeing he'd cried last night. Sitting up, Roxas lead a hand to his forehead, taking a deep breath. The boy cast a glance at the clock on his nightstand. 3:34 pm. He had been sleeping for ages.

The blonde got up from the floor, walking slowly over to the window to pull the curtains apart. He was met by the sight of white. The snow had made its late arrival during the night, at last making it look like December outside. Roxas sat down in his window still, staring out at the falling snow. It looked so peaceful where it fell down, down before joining the millions of other snowflakes on the ground, covering the world in a white blanket.

Roxas used to love the snow, a long time ago. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, thinking back to a winter many years ago. Sora and him were seven, and still good friends at that time. Their older brother, Leon, had enthusiastically woken them early a December morning, saying the first snow had fallen that night. They had all dressed up to go outside, into the white paradise. After running around in the mass of snow for a while, making snow-angels and rolling around, Leon's best friend Cloud came over. Sora and Cloud teamed up against Leon and Roxas before they had a huge snowball fight. After long hours in the snow, they all went inside to put on dry clothes, and Roxas' mother made them cocoa. The four of them had been sitting on the couch, covered in several warm blankets, watching the snow fall outside the livingroom window.

Roxas felt a sting behind his eyelids. He had been so happy that day, so carefree. But things were never like that anymore. Now the snow did nothing but bring back forgotten memories, and it only meant cold to him. **  
**  
The blonde's cell phone made a small sound, breaking Roxas away from his thoughts. Sighing again, he walked over to his phone and picked it up. The screen read; _'1 New Message; Hayner'._

Hayner was the closest Roxas had to a friend. They spent time together now and then, if Roxas didn't want to go home. Hayner was a nice guy, sure, but Roxas still couldn't call him a real friend. Real friends could talk about everything, trust each other. Roxas and Hayner just hung out.

Slightly curious of what Hayner wanted, Roxas opened the message.

_'Hey Rox! You're coming to the x-mas party tonight, right?'_

Reading the message again, Roxas eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What Christmas party?" he wondered idly, searching his memory for any information about the mentioned event. He suddenly remembered that their school always held a Christmas party at this time a year. Roxas pondered for a while on whether he should stay home or go to the party. He concluded that anywhere was better than the same house as the people who hated him. He pressed a button to answer the message.

_'Yeah, sure… Starts at 9, doesn't it?'_

Putting the phone in the pocket of his pants, Roxas walked over to his wardrobe. Frowning slightly, he wondered what on earth he was going to wear to a Christmas party. The blonde had started rummaging through the stacks of clothes when his cell made another sound. He pulled it out of his pocket and read Hayner's reply.

_'Yes, 9. Be at my house at 8:40, we'll walk there together. C'ya!'_

Seeing Hayner lived closer to the school than Roxas, the blonde figured he might as well walk there with the other. He sighed and went back to his outfit. He quickly decided and pulled a couple garments from his wardrobe, placing them on his bed. Walking into the bathroom, the blonde turned the shower on before discarding the clothes he was wearing. He stepped into the shower, moaning softly as the warm water beat his tensed muscles. Roxas grabbed his shampoo, pouring a small amount of it into his hand before massaging it into his blonde hair. The calming scent of strawberries and honey filled his nose. After a long while, he turned the water off. He stepped out of the shower, drying himself with a towel.

As he walked out of his bathroom, a towel around his waist, he could hear a dreadful sound coming from another room; from his evil twin brother's room to be exact. Groaning, Roxas covered his ears as the evil sound of _'Oops, I did it again' _threatened to fill his head. "How the hell can he listen to that?" he growled to himself as he turned his own stereo on to block out Britney Spears.

The blonde let out a relieved sigh as his own music filled he room. He cast another glance at the clock on his nightstand. 5:57 PM. That shower sure took time… Walking over to his dresser, he pulled out a pair of black boxers and put them on. Walking back over to his bed, he put on the clothes he'd spread out there earlier. He pulled on a pair of holey, black jeans and a crimson tank top with black writing that read _'Live like you died yesterday'_.

The blonde walked over to his dresser again, opening one of the smaller drawers. He pulled out a black belt with silver spikes which he put on, and a silver chain that he attached to his pants on each side of his right hip. Pulling a red and black checkered armsock on his arm, a little over his elbow, he hid his cuts and scars, alongside the bruise from the other night. He put a black wristband and some red ribbons around his right wrist. Roxas walked back into the bathroom, grabbing a tube of hair gel. After styling his already gravity-defying hair into spikes, he found a black eyeliner which he added to frame his electric cerulean eyes.

When he was about ready, he checked the time again. 6:13 PM. He still had some time to kill before leaving. Sitting down by his desk, Roxas opened his box of sketching pencils and found a couple of sheets of black paper. The blonde drew a lot. He'd always been skilled with a pencil, and when the time came when he just didn't manage to cry anymore, he would pour his feelings out through his art. His drawers were stuffed with several pieces he'd drawn, though he'd never showed them to anyone. He opened his soul when he drew. And he didn't have anyone to share his soul with.

-

When the clock finally reached 8:20 PM, Roxas put his pencils down and turned his music off, leaving the room in utter silence. Sighing, he pulled on his red Converse All Star, before grabbing his black jacket and a black and white striped scarf. He walked out in the hallway, closing the door to his room behind him, locking it. He walked silently down the stairs, not wanting to talk to his parents before leaving. Just as he was about to touch the door handle of the front door, a voice addressed him, telling Roxas he'd failed his mission.

"Where are you going?"

Roxas turned to face his father. "Like you would care…" he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" the man snapped angrily. Roxas sighed.

"I'm going to a party. Sora's going, too," he said, his tone bored and cold. His father gave him a disbelieving look.

"You're going to leave the house dressed like that?" his father snorted. "You look like a goddamn fag!"

Narrowing his eyes, Roxas had now had enough of his father. "Fuck off!" the boy hissed angrily, before running out of the house, leaving the door agape.

"Don't you bring shame upon our family, brat!" his father yelled after him, before slamming the front door shut.

Roxas walked down the street in a quick pace. Why did he have to have parents like that? Letting out a frustrated growl, the blonde kicked a lump of snow, hard, making it fly several metres. _'I hate him so much!' _the boy thought angrily, as he headed for Hayner's house.

When reaching mentioned house, Hayner was standing outside, waiting for him.

"Yo, Roxas!" Hayner shouted when he saw the other blonde. "Would you hurry up a bit? It's fucking freezing, man!"

Roxas jogged over to him. "Surprise, Hayner. The winter _is_ cold!" he said sarcastically. The two of them started walking, Hayner eyed Roxas.

"You know, your face has this function called 'smile'! You should try it sometime!" he said with a chuckle, nudging Roxas' arm. Roxas rolled his eyes, sighing.

"Yeah, I'll smile when I get a reason to," he said. Hayner grinned at him.

"Man, it is soon Christmas! That's one heck of a reason to smile and stuff!" he chimed. Roxas put on a fake smile, though Hayner bought it.

_'For me, that's just another reason **not** to smile…'_ Roxas thought, sighing sadly.

-

The two blondes arrived at the school a couple of minutes to 9 PM. A pack of people were already there, waiting to get inside the gym, which was always used for big school-events. Hayner spotted a couple of his friends, dragging Roxas along over to them. Roxas knew most of them from school; Tidus, Selphie, Olette, Kairi and Pence. He'd never seen the blonde girl standing next to Kairi before though. Not that he really cared…

"Hey guys!" Hayner greeted them as they approached the small group of teens. They all greeted him and Roxas back.

"Are they going to let us in soon? It's a bloody freezer out here!" Tidus complained. Kairi giggled and checked her watch, before announcing they still had to spend 5 more minutes in the cold. Tidus sighed and started bouncing up and down to keep some warmth in his body. As people started to talk, the blonde girl walked over to Roxas and reached her hand out for him to shake. "Hi, I haven't met you before," she said. "I'm Naminé, Kairi's cousin."

Roxas shook her hand lightly, giving off his name in a dull voice, though he had a suspicion that Kairi had already given Naminé _more_ than enough details about him.

"Do any of you guys know if some cool bands are going to play tonight?" Olette asked the others. Many student bands were often asked to play at parties and such.

"I've heard that some of them are pretty good…" Hayner said. "We'll see if they ever let us in! I'm freezing my ass off out here!" A couple of seconds later, the doors to the gym were opened, and the students could enter the big, warmed hall. The dancefloor was huge, and numerous chairs and tables were placed alongside the walls. Everything was Christmas-decorated, sprayed with fake snow, covered in glitter. Almost everyone who entered would instantly get a Christmas mood.

In the front there was a huge stage draped with all kinds of shiny and sparkly stuff that you would normally see on a Christmas tree. In the upper left corner by the stage there was a DJ-stand where a girl with crazy hair full of braids and beads, and a blue headband was busy mixing the music that came out the speakers.

The floor was filling up quickly, and Roxas was on his way over to the chairs when Naminé grabbed his arm. "Do you want to dance with me, Roxas?" she asked sweetly. Roxas sighed before answering the blonde.

"I don't dance…" he muttered. Naminé flashed him a slightly sad smile before she let go of his arm.

"Okay, I'll talk to you later then," she said, her voice happy again, before she bounced out on the dancefloor. Roxas went over to the beverages and poured himself a glass of punch, while trying to recall why on earth he had decided to come to this stupid party.

When the DJ had played a couple of songs, she announced it was time for the bands to play. Roxas, who had moved away from the chair-area since it had gotten crowded, was now standing by the wall close to the stage.

The first ones on stage were some of the so-called _popular_ girls, singing some emotionless song about some hot guy and shopping shoes. Another two bands of wannabes and pin-ups passed, before someone who caught Roxas' eye stepped up on stage. 3 guys and a girl, all dressed in black, with adds of red, green or purple, entered the stage and grabbed their instruments. Roxas hadn't seen them before, so he figured they had to be seniors.

The girl, who had short black hair, took her place by the drums. She was wearing black shorts, grey over-the-knee stockings, black boots, a purple top with a pirate-ish skull on it, and a black headband. The blonde guy, his hair-do a strange mix between a faux-hawk and a mullet, wearing loose, black jeans and a red and black striped t-shirt, played guitar and stood by the 2nd vocals microphone. The guy playing bass had lilac hair, his fringe covering one eye like the classic scene-haircut. He was wearing tight, black jeans and a dark purple t-shirt over a long-sleeved black and white striped sweater.

But the one who caught Roxas' attention was the lead singer, who took place at the centre of the stage, carrying his guitar. He was tall and fairly skinny, yet his body suited him perfectly. His hair was shoulder-long, spiky and held the most vivid shade of red. His eyes stood out in perfect contrast with the hair, holding a brilliant emerald colour that Roxas noticed even though he weren't that close. Beneath each eye he had an upside-down triangle tattoo. The guy wore tight leather pants, which clung to his body in all the right places, a dark green tank top that rode slightly up his stomach, to show off a line of perfect ivory skin. He wore fingerless gloves, black Converse, and around his nicely curved hips two belts were crossed, a chain hanging from his hip. Roxas had to control his stare, fighting the urge to swoon. This guy was utterly gorgeous. The redhead grabbed the microphone in front of him.

"You all having a good time?" he asked. Roxas was simply blown away by that voice. It was dark, yet soft like velvet. There was no doubt that this guy could sing. A loud cheer erupted from the crowd as a reply to his question. The redhead grinned. "We're Dying Flames, and we're gonna play you guys our latest song! It's named Dear Angel, got it memorized?"

The redhead started strumming his guitar with grace, backed up by the blonde playing rhythm-guitar. After about 15 seconds he started singing.

"_Dear angel of mine, yeah,  
Where to start to express how I feel,__  
Well loves gone blind, and all that I feel is what I hear,__  
You rip and tear, through my heart so weak and pure,__  
And I find myself wanting to die..."_

As the chorus started the rest of the band kicked in and the tempo rose. The redhead was singing with such passion that he mesmerized Roxas with his words, and the beauty of his voice.

_"I bleed for the second time tonight,__  
Holding the love that's in my mind,__  
If only my love could be with you,__  
If only this pain, this pain, died too."_ The tempo slowed slightly into a steady rhythm.

_"So break you away, away, away from me, (from me)  
So break you away, away, away from me (from me)"_

_"As I sit here alone, oh__  
Just thinking 'bout everything that you said,__  
Since I'm alone, well maybe after all I was better off dead,__  
'Cause without you (without you) my life's gone down, what do I do?__  
When I find myself wanting to die..."_ The band kicked back up the tempo for the chorus again.

_"I bleed for the second time tonight,__  
Holding the love that's in my mind,__  
If only my love could be with you,__  
If only this pain, this pain, died too._

_I bleed for the second time tonight,__  
Holding the love that's in my mind,__  
If only my love could be with you,__ I  
f only this pain, this pain, died too.  
__  
I'll break you away, this freak I became, my enemy,__  
This freak I became, my enemy, from my angel__  
To my enemy, and I don't know."_

The redhead held the last tone and the song went into a short instrumental part.

_"(Yeah, yeah)  
I bleed for the second time tonight,__  
Holding the love that's in my mind,__  
If only my love could be with you,__  
If only this pain, this pain, died too._

_I bleed for the second time tonight, (second time tonight)__  
Holding the love that's in my mind,__  
If only my love could be with you, (love could be with you)__  
If only this pain, this pain, died too._

_I'll break you away (all that's in my mind)__  
So break you away (and all that's in my life)_

Everyone stopped playing, except the lead singer who strummed his guitar while he sang.

_So break you away, away, away from me,__  
So break you away, away, away from me,__  
And I don't know..."_

The music stopped, and the redhead whispered the last words into the microphone.

_"Sincerely yours."_

Roxas was unable to tear his eyes away from the redhead as he sang. As the song ended and the crowd of people cheered, Roxas blue eyes connected with that intensely emerald gaze. The redhead smiled at Roxas, before he and his band left stage.

Roxas felt his face heat up in a vivid blush. He suddenly developed a strong interest for his shoes when Kairi, Tidus, Naminé and Pence came walking over to him. "Roxas, come_ on_!" Kairi complained. "You have to dance at least once!" she said and wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

"As I said before," Roxas started, nudging Kairi's arm off himself. "I don't dance…" he muttered. Tidus stuck out his tongue at the other blonde.

"Cheer up, emo-kid!" he chuckled. Roxas let that remark pass, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. Naminé hooked her right arm in Roxas' left, smiling at the others.

"You guys go dance, I'll keep him company!" she said. Kairi winked at her before dragging Tidus and Pence with her back out on the dancefloor. The blonde girl smiled sweetly at Roxas. "Having a good time?" she beamed. Sighing, Roxas turned to her with a serious expression.

"Naminé, I'm sure you're a wonderful girl, but you're really not my type…" he said.

"How do you know that?" she asked, her voice still very sweet. Roxas once more fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Well, you're a girl…" he said. "And I'm gay…" Roxas wasn't really sure why he just told a complete stranger that. He really didn't care much though… Her brain seemingly needed some time to work on what Roxas had just told her. "Do you think you could be so kind to let go of my arm? It kind of hurts…" he said calmly. Naminé glanced down at her arm.

"Oh, sorry…" she said, releasing her grip. They stood still for a little, before Roxas finally broke the awkward silence.

"Have you seen Hayner?" he asked. She giggled and gave him a small smile.

"Last time I saw him he was busy making out with Seifer in a corner…" she said. Roxas nodded.

"Could you tell him I left, when you see him? I'm getting tired and I think I want to go home…" he muttered. The girl nodded back and smiled again, this time warmly.

"I guess I'll see you later then," she said, before giving him a small hug and disappearing out on the dancefloor. Roxas walked out of the gym, into the falling snow.

-

When he got home, Roxas quickly ran up the stairs and into his room, ignoring his father's shouts from the livingroom. Locking he door behind him, he flipped his shoes off and discarded his jacket and scarf. He cast a glance out the window, at the snow that kept falling, painting the world in that one empty and cold colour. "I hate snow…" he muttered to himself, pulling the curtains closed. The blonde turned his stereo on again, before sitting down at his desk. He found his pencils and started sketching on a blank sheet of paper, his mind wandering back to the redhead from earlier that night. He was so beautiful. And he seemed so… mysterious and deep… and yet nice… And Roxas had met his gaze once.

A new blush spread across the boy's face at the thought of those dazzling emerald eyes. Roxas looked down at the paper, where he'd drawn the lead singer of Dying Flames. His face, every feature perfectly copied via Roxas' pencil, was complimented by the same smile the redhead had given Roxas at the party. The blonde sighed.

"Maybe he's a reason…" he said to himself, his lips curving into a small smile.

-

_AN: FINALLY! This took longer than I was planning… But it was longer than the previous chapter xD  
Gee… I suck at this angst-stuff… And I'm really sorry for the complete crappyness of this chapter! I think the only kind of plot-bunnies that appear inside my head, are the retarded ones!  
The song was 'Dear Angel' By April Sixth. I Love that song! And I can really see Axel sing it! Hehe!  
To those of you who didn't figure, Dying Flames were Axel, Demyx, Zexion and Yuffie.  
And I know their band name sucks… And so does the writing on Roxas shirt… And sorry for the crappyness of the outfits…  
And I suck at paragraph stuff... So please don't kill me!  
But I'm still happy with parts of it, even though it didn't turn out how I planned it at all! But that's the way it is… And I'll stop bothering you with my rambling xD  
And again to you who read and review and fav and alert this story: You guys keep me going! I love you!_

_A cup of Christmas-party-punch and the snapshots Naminé took of Hayner and Seifer making out in the corner for reviewers!_


	3. You've Had Enough

**AN: **Chapter 3! Finally! I'm so proud of myself! I was SO stuck with this chapter… I had no idea what so ever what was gonna cause some things in here…  
Well it's finally finished!! I hope you like it! Even though it's SO crappy! …  
_-Re-written version. _**  
Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing: **Axel x Roxas.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts… I wish I did though… It would be fun… and it would defiantly have more warnings on the back xP (Note from Andi: I would own it too!!! And we'd own Final Fantasy too, right?)  
**Warning: **Yaoi, (boy x boy LOVE! Yay for that) so if you happen to have a problem with that; get lost!  
There _will_ be Limes/Lemons… later in the story!  
Oo it's sort of angsty… Even though I suck at writing it…  
Beware Roxas being very depressed…  
Enjoy it, my friends!

**Chapter 3:**

Roxas was once again sitting by his desk, sketching away on a piece of paper. Scattered around his desk were several drawings, all of the same person. It was the redhead. The guy who'd not left Roxas' mind since the party at school. The one who had made him smile…

There was just something about this guy that Roxas couldn't really point out. The redhead had just simply fascinated him. Roxas almost felt as if he knew him, and yet they'd never spoken. He didn't even know this guy's name, but the mere thought of him made Roxas feel happier.

Hearing the front door of his house slam shut, Roxas walked over to his window and looked out. He could see his parents carrying a bag of beautifully wrapped boxes into the car. Christmas presents… Roxas sighed sadly as he watched his parents drive away. They were most likely going to hand out the last presents to some relatives and friends.

Roxas walked across his room, unlocking his door and walking out into the hallway. He silently made his way downstairs. Today was Christmas Eve, and the house was beautifully decorated for the occasion. In the far corner of the livingroom there was a large tree, the space beneath it crowded with gifts. Roxas walked through the livingroom, into the kitchen. The blonde shrugged when he saw his twin brother sitting by the kitchen table, eating a piece of Christmas cake. The brunet looked up as his brother entered the room.

"A wonder you're alive…" Sora commented in a bored tone. "Have you even had anything to eat for days?" his tone was flat, uncaring. Roxas shot Sora an annoyed glare.

"As the matter of fact, yes I have!" Roxas grunted as he walked over to the refrigerator, eyeing the content. "And why do you care anyway?" he snapped. The brunet rolled his eyes and went back to eating his cake.

"I don't," he answered. The blonde snorted and grabbed some yoghurt from the fridge. He quickly ate it before he decided he might as well return to his room. As Roxas was about to leave the kitchen, his brother spoke again. "By the way, dad's mad at you…" he muttered. Roxas turned to his brother.

"Why?" he asked simply, careful to not let the anxiety he felt shine through in his voice. Why was his dad mad at him? He had barely left his room for days. Sora sighed and replied to his twin without looking up.

"Why should I care why he's mad at _you_?" he asked coldly. "He just said he'd deal with it when he and mom come back…"

The blonde turned and left the kitchen, hurrying back to his room. He felt his eyes sting familiarly, as so many times before. He knew what was coming when his father came back. Most likely something, that had nothing what so ever to do with Roxas, had made his father mad, and now he intended to take it out on his son.

Why? Because he always did that. He did it because Roxas had given up fighting back at it.

Tears formed in his cerulean eyes. Roxas quickly blinked them away. He didn't want to cry. Crying wouldn't help him much at the moment. Tears would only make him look weak, not to mention give him a headache. Roxas brought his sketchpad and pencils with him to his bed, where he sat cross-legged on the soft mattress. He started drawing with soft strokes with the pencil against the paper. For the first time in days, his drawing wasn't of the beautiful redhead. He drew a boy, sitting on the floor of a dark room. A hand was clutched around his wrist, while tears fell softly down his face.

Roxas sighed sadly as he looked at his finished drawing. He walked over to his desk to put it away, just as he heard a car pull up the driveway. Biting his lip, Roxas cast a nervous glance towards the door to his room. His dad was home… He felt a sting of fear as the front door slammed shut and he could hear heavy footsteps up the stairs. Roxas shut his eyes tightly.

He knew what was coming.

-

Half an hour later, Roxas was curled up in his bed. His face was wet, his eyes red, and it was obvious that he had cried. Several spots on his torso and arms were hurting fiercely.

Roxas' father had come bursting into his room, yelling loudly at the boy. Before Roxas found himself able to ask what he'd done wrong, his father had pushed him against a wall. The man had hit him hard, and Roxas hadn't been able to keep his tears from streaming any longer. The man had looked at his son with hate and disgust, snickering at the boy's tears. "So, now you're crying, too? It's just like you to flaunt your weakness like this, Roxas!" he'd said, before hitting the blonde again. After his father had let the room, Roxas had hurried to his door and locked it. After that, he'd curled up in his bed, crying until he was unable to produce more tears.

Roxas heard laughter from downstairs. Sora and their parents were most likely eating dinner at the moment, enjoying themselves without Roxas being there to do anything wrong. The blonde sniffed and wiped the tears from his face with the sleeve of his black hoodie. He walked slowly over to his window, sitting down in the window still. Across the street from his house, Roxas could see lights in the big livingroom window of their neighbours. Their family was gathered around a big table, everyone smiling brightly. They seemed so happy. Just like Roxas' family once was.

The feeling of being loved; that was one of the things Roxas missed the most. The feeling that someone would always be there to care about you, no matter what. The feeling of belonging. Roxas didn't have that feeling. Instead he felt emptiness, cold. He didn't belong to anywhere anymore. No one cared. No one would even notice if he was gone.

The blonde pulled a small knife from the pocket of his jeans. He pulled up the left sleeve of his hoodie, and pressed the cold blade hard against the skin of his wrist. It would take him little effort… When he was about to slide the blade across, Roxas' eyes fell upon his shoes. He put the knife back into his pocket, before walking across the room to put his shoes on. Without another thought, he went back to his window and opened it, letting small flakes of snow enter the room. He climbed out the window, onto the roof outside. Leon had taught the boy how to use the roof as an alternative front door many years ago. Silently, Roxas closed the window behind him, climbing down from the roof. When he was down on the ground, he walked towards nothing, into the snowing night.

-

Axel stood by his window, staring at the beautiful white snow falling outside. Gently, he pressed his forehead against the cold glass, sighing. The redhead lived alone in his apartment, having no family left. His parents had died when he was young, and his foster parents had also passed away. Normally, being alone didn't bother him the least. Actually, he liked it like that. But now it was Christmas. It was the time a year you spent with the people you love. 

As he stood there, Axel came to think of that blonde boy he'd seen a couple of nights ago, when he and his band had preformed at a party at school. That boy… his eyes were the most beautiful shades of blue one could ever imagine, and they held so much mystery and sadness. Axel had noticed the way the younger boy had eyed him as he was on stage. At the end of the song, he'd smiled at the boy. He'd just seemed like the kind of person the redhead would've liked to get to know better. He had disappeared, though, when Axel went looking for him later that night.

He cast the snow another glance. It was a shame to be inside when one could be walking around in the beautiful white. Axel decided to go for a walk. It was not like anyone would be waiting for him to return.

-

Roxas was running fast. The snow fell down faster and thicker than ever, and the temperature kept dropping. After running for what seemed like forever, the blonde stopped, clutching to a lightpole to keep from falling over. His breath was heavy, his whole body shaking violently. Roxas fell to his knees, still holding on to the cold metal. His vision was blurred by tears, the places his father had hit him still burning with pain. When he'd caught his breath slightly, the blonde stood up from the ground, still shaking. A glance at his surroundings told Roxas he was right by Twilight Bridge. He slowly made his way out on the bridge, stopping when he reached the middle. Walking over to the railing, he looked down at the river far below. Parts of it were frozen, but the water was too deep for it to freeze solid.

Tears slowly left cerulean eyes, rolling down his face before falling down into the river below. He dried the tears with the sleeve of his hoodie again, letting out a new sob. He glanced out at the town. Hundreds of lights were shining, brightening the night slightly with a warm glow. Roxas thought of all the people behind those lights, how happy they were when spending time with their beloved ones.

Roxas felt the empty feeling clutch his heart again, reminding him that he was alone. No one loved him. The boy cast the river another glance, before taking a deep, trembling breath and climbing over the railing. He was standing facing the river now. His heart was racing with fear and agony inside his chest, his hands having a firm grip on the metal of the bridge railing. It was a long way down.

As new tears were building fast, Roxas closed his eyes tightly. This was the only way he could escape. It was the only way out of the pain. He just couldn't stand it anymore.

When Roxas was about to loosen his grip he heard a deep gentle, yet familiar voice, speak to him. "Please don't…"

The blonde turned his head to see a guy with flaming red, spiky hair walking slowly towards him. Roxas tear-filled cerulean eyes met the redhead's emerald ones, and he recognized him instantly. It was the guy that hadn't left his mind for so many days, the guy from his drawings. It was the one who had smiled to him at the party.

"G-go away!" Roxas said with shaking voice. The redhead stopped not far from him.

"Just… Don't jump…" his voice was gentle, pleading. Roxas turned his face to face the river again.

"It's better this way…" he said weakly, as hot tears were running down his face. "Why would you care anyway? You don't even know me, so go away!" he begged. The blonde's breath hitched as he felt a warm, gloved hand slide on top of his.

"I _do_ care…I've seen you before, remember? And I would like to get to know you…" the redhead said. Roxas turned to look into those emerald orbs again. The gloved hand tightened its grip around Roxas' bare one. "Don't…" the older male whispered, only loud enough for Roxas to hear. The blonde let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The tears slowed down, stopping after a little while. "Whatever made you consider doing this, I'm sure it's not worth giving up your life for," the redhead said, his voice holding a soothing effect. "Just climb back over. I could talk with you about it, or just be there and listen if you need it… Please…" the last word was merely a whisper. Roxas inhaled slowly, before he turned around so he was facing the bridge. The tall redhead let out a relieved sigh.

"What's your name?" the blonde asked the other, who smiled warmly as he reached his hand out for Roxas to take.

"I'm Axel," he said, as he helped Roxas climb over the railing. When he was securely back on the bridge, Roxas clutched to the other's body in a tight embrace. Axel let his arms wrap around the shaking form of the boy, making small, gentle hushing sounds. He let his hands run soothingly through the younger's blonde locks. After a while Roxas pulled away, drying the tears off his face.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered, giving the older an apologetic look. Axel shook his head and offered the blonde a soft smile.

"What's your name, then?" he asked. Roxas smiled shyly.

"Roxas…" he answered.

"What were you doing out all alone on Christmas Eve, Roxas?" Axel questioned softly. Roxas' eyes filled with sadness, and he let his gaze drop to the snow-covered ground.

"My family hates me… I just could be in the same house as them anymore…" he said, his voice low.

"I'm sorry to hear that…" Axel said as he wrapped his arms around the now trembling boy again. "If you want to… I know we really don't know each other, but you could stay at my apartment tonight, if you don't want to go home…" the redhead said. Roxas looked up, his eyes connecting with Axel's.

"A-are you sure?" he asked, small parts of hope in his voice. Axel nodded.

"Of course I'm sure. I live just ten minutes away…" he said, letting go of the blonde. "Come on… you must be freezing," he pointed out, first now noting how little Roxas was wearing. The blonde nodded slowly and the two of them started walking in the direction Axel came from not so long ago. They didn't talk much as they walked. Roxas was still shaky after what happened, and Axel didn't want to make the boy talk about anything that hurt him. 

-

Axel's apartment was warm to Roxas' relief. He really was freezing, seeing he was only wearing jeans and a hoodie, which was wet because of the heavy snowing outside.

"I'll dry that for you…" Axel said, gesturing towards Roxas' hoodie.

"Thanks…" Roxas said, pulling the wet hoodie off, handing it to the redhead. Beneath it he wore a navy tank top with the writing _'The past was once future.'_ A black armsock covered his left arm. Axel took the hoodie, walking into another room to leave it to dry. Roxas walked into what he figured was the livingroom, and sat down in a black leather couch while waiting for the redhead. He let out a shaky sigh. What would've happened if Axel hadn't talked him out of jumping?

"Would you like something to drink or eat or anything?" Axel asked the boy when he returned. Roxas looked up with a smile.

"Something hot to drink would be wonderful…" he answered. The redhead nodded and went to the kitchen to make Roxas some hot chocolate. It didn't take long before he returned and handed the blonde a cup of hot liquid.

"Thank you…" Roxas said with a smile and sipped it. His cerulean eyes widened slightly at the taste. "This is really good!" he said, going back to taking small sips, the liquid bringing warmth into the whole of his body. Axel chuckled.

"Why, thank you. They tell me I make good hot chocolate." he smiled.

It didn't take the blonde long to finish the cup. Axel took the empty cup from the blonde, walking back out to the kitchen to put it away. When he returned to the livingroom, the blonde had fallen asleep on his couch. He smiled softly at the sight and walked over to the couch. Carefully, so he wouldn't wake the boy, Axel lifted Roxas from the couch and carried him into the bedroom. He put him down at the bed and pulled the covers over him. The older teen brushed a couple of blonde bangs gently from Roxas' face. Bending down, he planted a chaste kiss on the boy's cheek.

"Sleep well, dear angel…" he whispered and quietly left the boy to sleep.

-  
_  
AN: Well… Another chapter finished! Yay!!__ Aaaw slight adorableness at the ending there! Hehe!_

_ I'm starting to wonder if I have a 'stand by the window and look out at the world'-fetish… I use that thing all the bloody time!!!  
Wow… Roxas was about to commit suicide :( Poor thing! But a certain redhead knight in shining armour came along and saved him! And I DO know how cheesy their meeting was… And it does remind me a bit of Titanic… And it sucked!  
And once again I sat down and found stupid weird writings for Rox's shirt. This one was even more crappy than the last one…  
I like dots... _

A cup of Axel's hot chocolate and snow crystals for reviewers


	4. But You Don't Mind At All

**AN: **Okay people! I'm back!!! At least back-ish! I finally updated, and gee it's been a long while since I did that… TOO long! There is no excuse for me being lazy; I just haven't had any time to write… I hate school! But anyway, here's chapter 4! This chapter is not as angsty as the last one, it's got a bit more happy feeling over it, much thanks to Demyx and Zexion. It'll also contain some Zemyx, and ice-skating :)  
I want to thank **elichi **a lot for proofreading this chapter!**  
Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing: **Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts… I wish I did though… It would be fun… and it would definitely have more warnings on the back xP (Note from Andi: I would own it too!!! And we'd also own Final Fantasy, right?) Sure as hell! We're gonna own the whole Square Enix company! I don't own My Chemical Romance or Panic! At the Disco either :( That's sad.  
**Warning: **Yaoi, (boys loving boys) so if you don't like it I really don't get why you're at this page anyway! To the rest of you yaoi-fangirls (and some boys): please enjoy!!  
Lemony stuff… later… but there will be some! Eventually!  
It's kind of angsty… at times… But I'm no angst-queen :P  
Beware of… stuff! Like Demyx and Zexion being sugar high, and some Kairi-bashing. Demyx uses the phrase 'oh my gosh' rapidly xD  
Zexion is also kind of OOC… I made him a happy emo-kid :)  
ENJOY!  
**  
Chapter 4:  
**Roxas lay curled up in the soft sheets on the bed. A beam of daylight passed through a small opening in the curtains, being the only source of light in the room. The gentle sound of someone playing a guitar hung in the air. The blonde woke slowly from his slumber, sitting up in the bed. The boy stretched, letting out a yawn and gently rubbing sleep out of his cerulean eyes. He hadn't slept this well in ages.

Roxas got out of bed and stopped. He looked around the room. This wasn't his room… He'd never been here before. Then he remembered last night. Christmas Eve… the bridge… the redhead. A small shy smile crept upon Roxas' lips. This was Axel's room…

Roxas went over to the window and pulled the curtains apart, letting out a small gasp at the sight. Outside everything was covered in pretty, white untouched snow. He'd never seen a clearer sky and the sun shone brightly, making every snowflake look like a crystal. Why had he never noticed how beautiful the winter was?

Then Roxas noticed the music coming from another room. He walked silently out of the bedroom, and into the livingroom. On the couch lay the redhead with a guitar. His fingers were gracefully dancing over the strings, as if they'd never done anything but that. Axel was singing silently to himself. Roxas thought it was a really beautiful song, and just stood there for a while, listening to the older teen play.

Axel strummed his guitar with love. He was playing the melody of a new song he'd written. He'd started it a long time ago, but never finished. But last night he had suddenly felt like writing again.

The redhead let out a small sigh and put his guitar down. He got up off the couch and noticed the younger boy standing in the doorway. Axel gave him a smile.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" he asked the blonde. Roxas shook his head.

"No you didn't" he answered with a smile "It was beautiful by the way… the music I mean" The older smiled at him and gestured for him to sit down in the couch. The blonde did so, and Axel sat down beside him.

"How are you feeling?" the redhead asked in a caring tone. Roxas shrugged.

"A bit better I guess. Although, I don't know how good I'm supposed to feel right now…" he said sadly. Axel nodded and met Roxas' cerulean eyes with his own deep emerald ones.

"Just remember that I'm here if there's anything you want to talk about" the redhead assured the younger. "Anything at all"

"Yeah… thank you" Roxas said. The older gave him another smile.

"So, are you hungry or something?" He asked. The blonde smiled shyly.

"I kinda am… But I would really love to take a shower first" he said. The redhead nodded and got up from the couch.

"The bathroom is in there" he said gesturing to a door. "I'll make some breakfast for us while you take a shower. There are towels in the cabinet beneath the sink, and you can use whatever you'd like of the shampoo and stuff in the shower" he smiled. Roxas nodded and got up from the couch as well. Axel headed to the kitchen, as the blonde entered the bathroom.

He found a large, soft blue towel beneath the sink. Roxas turned the shower on and adjusted it to a nice temperature, before he discarded his clothes. He stepped into the shower and let the warm water run gently down his body. A low hiss passed his lips as the water hit the fresh cuts on his left arm. He carefully rubbed them with his right hand to ease the stinging. When he'd gotten used to the warmth, Roxas took a bottle of shampoo and smelled it. It had a mild cinnamony vanilla-ish sent. He poured a small amount of it in his hand and started massaging it into his hair.

Roxas spent a good ten minutes in the shower before he turned the water off and stepped out. He dried himself with the towel, before he cast the pile of his used clothes a glance. The blonde hung the towel around his hips and poked his head out the bathroom door.

"Axel…?" he said. The redhead appeared from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" he answered the boy.

"You wouldn't happen to… have any clothes I could borrow?" he said and blushed slightly. "I'd rather not walk around in the ones I slept in." Axel looked thoughtful for a couple of seconds.

"I think you can borrow some of the clothes Zexy's left here" he said and smiled. "You're almost the same size as him, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind. I'll get them for you." He said and shot the younger a smile before he went into his bedroom. Not long after he returned and handed Roxas some clothes.

"Thanks" the blonde said with a shy smile and went back into the bathroom; Axel went back to the kitchen.

Roxas started dressing. He pulled on a pair of black boxers and some tight black jeans. The blonde got his black armsock and pulled it up his left arm, and then put on the black and red striped t-shirt. It was all quite tight-fitting, but the size was almost perfect, just a tad too big.

The blonde walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where Axel was making breakfast. The small table was set with two plates, and a bigger one with a stack of pancakes. The redhead was standing by the stove. He turned to Roxas with a smile as the blonde entered.

"I hope you like pancakes" he said and gestured towards the plate. Roxas smiled and sat down at the table.

"Of course I like pancakes!" he said "I can't remember the last time I ate any though…"

Axel finished the last pancakes and dropped them on top of the others. He grinned at the blonde who was eyeing the pancakes with awe.

"Dig in" the redhead said with a smirk. Roxas didn't need to be told twice.

-

Tons of pancakes later, Axel had cleaned the table. Roxas had offered to help, but the redhead had insisted that the guest was not supposed to clean tables. Axel sat back down and eyed the blonde with emerald eyes.

"Roxas…" he started. The blonde looked up and met the older's gaze. "You want to talk about it now?" the redhead asked in a gentle voice. The blonde let out a shaky breath and felt the familiar sting behind his eyelids.

"I guess I should…" he answered. Axel reached his hand out across the table and laid it on top of the younger boy's. Just then, the redhead's phone rang. Axel cursed under his breath and got up to answer the phone.

"Yeah?" he said, slightly annoyed by the interruption.

_"Axie! Hey! Merry Christmas!" _a cheerful voice beamed from the other end of the line.

"Hi Demyx… Merry Christmas" Axel said to his overly happy friend. "What do you want?"

_"Gosh, you sound like somebody stole your cookies!" _Demyx chuckled. The redhead just 'hmf'd.

_"Well, anyway, you know what you'll be__doing today? Don't guess, I wanna tell you! It's funnier for me and it takes less time than if you were to guess, 'cause you suck at guessing stuff. It's not your fault that you don't have the ability to guess stuff right. You're just born that way! Anyway, on with the show… It's going to be really fun, 'cause Zexy and I figured you can't just sit in your apartment and frown the whole day, 'cause you know you tend to do that a lot at times and-" _Demyx rambled before Axel cut him off.

"Would you just get to the point, Dem?" he asked.

_"Oh, ehm, right! You're coming with me and Zexy to go ice-skate! We're gonna have a fabulous time!" _Demyx said with a giggle. Axel sighed.

"You know Dem, it's sort of a bad time right now…" he told his friend.

_"Well, too bad for you, 'cause we're at your place in about one minute. And you **are** coming with us" _Demyx said and hung up the phone. The redhead turned to Roxas with a small apologetic smile. The blonde gave him a questioning look. Axel sighed again.

"Two of my friends, from my band, are on their way over here… I just have to convince them that I don't want to go ice-skating, and then they'll leave again, okay?" he said. Roxas smiled at him and nodded. Not long after, the doorbell rang. Axel gestured for Roxas to follow him out of the kitchen. The redhead went over to the door to open it. Roxas stayed a bit in the background. As Axel opened the door he was attacked by a blonde boy.

"Axiiiie!" the blonde boy that had flung himself at Axel squealed. "Merry Christmas!" the boy kissed Axel's cheek with a smile. The redhead chuckled lightly and put the blonde down.

"Merry Christmas Demyx" he smiled, just before he was attacked again, this time by a boy with lilac hair. It didn't take Roxas long to recognize the two boys as the bass and guitar player from Axel's band. The boy who had jumped on Axel last gave the redhead a crushing hug and then jumped back down to the floor.

"Merry Christmas Zexy" the redhead smiled at him. The boy gave him a strict look.

"And as a Christmas present for me you could stop calling me that. It's Zexion! Try to say it, Z-e-x-i-o-n, got it _memorized?_" he said using Axel's famous line. The redhead just laughed.

"Not gonna happen Zexy" he said with a grin. Demyx stuck out his tongue.

"It's your name honey, live with it" he said and gave Zexion a quick peck on the lips. Zexion sighed.

"It was worth a try" he said "Now Axel, how come you don't wanna come with us to- oh" he started before his eyes landed on Roxas. They went from Axel to Roxas for a couple of seconds.

"Ooooooh" he said as his eyes landed on the redhead again. Then he poked Axel with a giggle.

"Ohmygod! Axel!" he said and kept poking the redhead. Axel shook his head.

"It's _really_ not what it looks like Zexy, so stop poking me!" he said to the shorter boy, who stopped mashing his index finger into Axel's arm. Demyx, who now also had noticed the fourth person in the room, skipped over to where Roxas stood, feeling awkwardly out of place with a small blush rising on his cheeks. To Roxas' surprise, the blonde who came over to him gave him a tight hug.

"Well hello there blondie!" Demyx smiled "I'm Demyx" he said and held out his hand for Roxas to take. The smaller blonde hesitantly shook Demyx hand.

"Roxas" he said in a shy voice. The older blonde kept smiling at him.

"Oh my gosh, Roxas! You are _so_ adorable" he said and turned to Axel.

"Axie, where did you find him? He is so cute! Oh my gosh" Demyx squealed. Axel scratched his neck and looked apologetically at Roxas again.

"I didn't find him anywhere…" he said and walked over to the two blondes to save Roxas from being molested by Demyx. Zexion repeated what Demyx had just done and gave the smaller blonde a hug.

"I'm Zexion" he said with a smirk "And if you ever call me Zexy I'll throw cookies at you!" he said threatening. Roxas nodded and gave the older a shy smile. Demyx squealed again and pointed a finger at Roxas.

"He is one of the most adorable things I've seen in a long time!" Zexion jumped on Demyx's back and wrapped his legs around the blonde's waist.

"And what about you boyfriend, ehy?" he asked with fake hurt in his voice. Demyx just waved his hand at his boyfriend.

"Zexy, you _know _I think you are the cutest thing on this planet, but it's been a _loooong_ time since the first time I saw you, and I just said that Roxas is the cutest thing I've seen since then. I still like you most" he assured the other boy. Zexion looked satisfied with this, and his eyes fell upon the clothes Roxas was wearing.

"Oh, my clothes almost look better on you than they do on me" he grinned at the blonde. Roxas just kept smiling shyly.

"But Axel" Demyx said "You are going to come with us and ice-skate. And no buts, 'cause you are just going to bring your adorable blonde friend with you!" he smiled at the redhead.

"You know, I can't just decide that Roxas is going to come with us and ice-skate. That's completely his decision." Axel said and gave the smaller blonde a smile. Demyx turned to Roxas.

"Roxy! You _wanna _come ice-skate with us, riiight? It's going to be really nice, and the more people the more fun!" he smiled. Roxas was a bit shocked over how nice Demyx and Zexion were, considering that they'd never met him before. Even though Roxas wasn't too fond of ice-skating, it would be nice to get his mind on something else than his life for a while. And he really didn't want to go home... not yet.

"If you're sure I'm not in the way…" he said and looked at the older boys. Zexion waved his hand.

"Psh, you won't be in the way! And if you're afraid that Demyx is going to molest you, I won't let it happen." He said with a wink. Roxas turned to Axel.

"Is it okay if I come?" he said. Axel smiled at him and nodded.

"Great" Demyx beamed "You two just get ready then! We'll just go wait in Zexy's car!" he said and put Zexion down on the floor before they walked towards the door and closed it behind them. Axel looked at Roxas.

"Sorry about them…" he said. Roxas shook his head.

"No, I like them actually… I've never met people who were so nice the first time they met me" he smiled. "But you sure it's okay if I come? I don't want to be a burden…" he muttered. Axel put his hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Of course it's okay. And… I don't think you mind a little more time away from home, do you?" he said in a tender voice. Roxas shook his head.

"Trust me, I don't…" he said before he suddenly looked a bit anxious. "There's just one thing though. I suck at ice-skating" he said. Axel laughed.

"Actually, I'm not that bad, so I guess i can teach you" he said. Roxas smiled shyly. The redhead went over to the window and checked the temperature.

"It's not that cold outside, so I guess you have enough clothes with your hoodie from yesterday and a scarf and some gloves you can borrow" Axel said to the blonde. Roxas nodded and went into the bathroom, where he'd seen his hoodie hanging. He put it on and went back out to Axel, who had found a long black and blue striped scarf and some thin black gloves for the blonde to borrow.

"Thank you" Roxas said as Axel handed him the scarf and gloves. The redhead found a scarf and gloves for himself, and put on his jacket and shoes. Roxas found his shoes and put them on as well.

They left Axel's apartment and walked outside in the lovely winter weather. Roxas inhaled deeply, trying to taste the cool air he was berating in. Then they heard a tapping on a window and saw Demyx on the passenger's side of a black Hummer H3. Axel and Roxas quickly went over to it and got in the back.

"New car, Zexy?" Axel asked Zexion as they started driving. The lilac-haired boy grinned.

"Yeah! I figured I'd need a car with five seats, so I bought this for myself for Christmas" he said.

"So did you sell your Corvette then?" Axel asked. Zexion raised an eyebrow.

"Hell no! I'm never selling that car. And Demyx wouldn't allow me to, anyway. He loves it" he smiled. Demyx looked over at his boyfriend.

"Of course I love it! People turn their heads after it!" he beamed. Axel chuckled.

"You just love all the attention you could possibly get, don't you Dem?" he asked the blonde. Demyx turned in his seat and smiled at the redhead.

"You know I do, Axie" he said and turned back around. Zexion started the CD-player. Roxas recognized the song at once.

"Hey, you listen to My Chemical Romance?" he asked. Zexion's blue eyes met Roxas' in the mirror.

"Sure do! You like them?" he asked the blonde. Roxas nodded.

"Yeah, they're one of my favourite bands!" the blonde smiled. Zexion grinned and turned to look at Axel.

"I love this kid!" he said "He looks good in my clothes, which is very hard to do by the way, and seems to have good taste in music too"

The four boys kept talking about music, what bands they liked and things like that the rest of the drive. Roxas figured that he and Zexion couldn't have had more alike music taste. The blonde also found out that the reason Zexion had two rather expensive cars and stuff like that was that his parents didn't want him at home, and he therefore got a lot of money from them to live on his own.

"But why would you parents want you out?" Roxas asked, slightly shocked. Zexion laughed bitterly.

"My parents are of the kind that gets their grass measured once a week to assure themselves that it's the perfect length. The kind that lives in a spotless villa and have tea-parties every Friday. You think they would want all of their high-class friends to know that their son is an emo kid, not to mention a godforsaken fag?" he said with a snort "Oh no, they couldn't have that. So they're literally paying me to stay away from home. They're probably bragging about me going to Harvard or something like that" Zexion chuckled and it seemed like he thought it all was rather funny.

After a twenty minute drive, they'd arrived at the ice-skating course. Roxas had only been there once before, about six years ago. It was a pretty large course, and even though it was Christmas Day, there were lots of people on the ice. There were benches around the course where people sat and rested or tied their skates, and there was music being played, currently Sugarbabes, through speakers which were spread around. The four buys got out of the car, Zexion bringing with him his black Converse bag, and started walking towards the house where you could rent skates.

Roxas eyed all the people skating around and doing fancy pirouettes and stuff like that. His sapphire eyes widened slightly and 'I-am-_so_-going-to-die' was written all over his face. Axel noticed Roxas' worried look and couldn't help a chuckle. He nudged the blonde's shoulder gently and gave him a smile.

"You're not going to die Roxas" he said. Roxas sighed. They went inside to get their skates. Zexion insisted on paying for the skates, and gave their sizes to the girl that stood behind the counter. When they'd gotten their skates, Zexion found a couple of CD's in his bag and handed them to the girl.

"Could you play these for a while? The crap you're currently playing is hurting my ears" he said. The girl took the CD's with a smile and went over to put them on.

"Let's go" Demyx smiled and bounced out to the course, the others following. Now the speakers were playing Panic! At the Disco, much to Roxas' delight. The four teens found a bench and sat down to get their skates on. Demyx and Zexion quickly changed and were out on the course in no time. The blonde did all kinds of fancy stuff, while Zexion gracefully glided across the ice, following his boyfriend.

Roxas stared at them in awe when he had finished lacing his skates. The redhead looked at him with a chuckle.

"It's not so complicated" he assured the blonde. Roxas raised a brow and looked at him.

"I'm never going to be able to do anything near that" the blonde said, gesturing towards Demyx. Axel got up and extended his hand for Roxas to take.

"I haven't said you're gonna do anything like that either. Let's just start with basic skating, ehy?" the redhead smiled. Roxas hesitantly took the older's hand. Axel helped the blonde up into a standing position. Roxas had a small problem finding balance on the skates, but having Axel there to hold on to made it go better than expected.

"I think I'm sort of balanced now…" Roxas said. Axel smiled.

"Okay, let's start with the actual skating then" he said. The blonde looked at him with a hint of panic in his eyes.

"What?! I'm just gonna fall! I can't do this Axel!" he said. The redhead chuckled.

"Have a little more faith in yourself Roxas. It's not that hard" Axel said "Okay, just hold on to my hand and do as I do"

Axel started skating slowly. Roxas took a deep breath and tried to remember how to ice-skate. He had done it six years ago, so he could do it now. The blonde held on to Axel's hand and followed the redhead out on the ice. At first, Roxas had problems staying on his feet, but after a while he actually got better at it. He was even able to skate a bit by himself. Of course he still looked bad next to Axel, or almost anyone on the course, but he didn't fall on his ass every other minute.

"See, I told you it's not that complicated" Axel smiled at the blonde.

"Yeah, I'm almost ready for the world cup" Roxas said with sarcasm. The redhead chuckled. They skated around for a while before Roxas stopped and looked at Axel.

"You are not having any fun being here and making sure that I don't fall on my ass" the blonde said with a smile "Go skate with Demyx and Zexion. I think I'll sit down a bit anyway"

Axel gave him an 'are-you-sure?' look. Roxas just waved him off and nodded with another smile. The redhead skated across the course to where his friends were skating. Roxas went over to the bench and sat down, looking at the different people skating around. The blonde sat in his own thoughts for a while, before a familiar voice said his name.

"Roxas!" a girl said. The blonde turned his head towards the voice, and cursed under his breath when he saw who it belonged to.

"Hi Kairi…" he said in a flat tone. The redheaded girl came over to him and sat down. She gave him a hug.

"What are you doing here Roxas? I thought you didn't like ice-skating" she said in her sweet voice. Roxas sighed.

"I thought I didn't, but it's not so bad after all…" he said. "So why are you here?" he asked her, even though he couldn't care less.

"To ice-skate silly! I'm just waiting for Selphie. She's inside getting her skates. I have my own of course" she said and gestured towards a pair of white skates hanging around her neck. Roxas nodded.

"Hah, would you look at that" Kairi snickered and waved her hand in direction of Demyx and Zexion, who were currently skating across the ice, holding hands.

"Stupid fags! Can't they just stay in their closets?" the girl said with disgust dripping from her voice "Is it really necessary of them to bring their disgusting lifestyle out in public?" she snorted. Roxas looked at her in disbelief.

"Excuse me?" he said, staring at her with anger "The 'stupid fags' happens to be friends of mine, and if you have a problem with them being gay, why don't you just shut the fuck up and keep your shit to yourself bitch!" he snarled at the redhead. She just looked at him, mouth dropped open and her violet eyes blinking.

"Get away, this is my bench. Go find one for yourself" he said, turning his attention away from her. The girl 'hmf'd and got up, walking away.

-

Axel skated over to where Demyx and Zexion were. The blonde let go of his boyfriend's hand and skated towards Axel, doing a fancy stop right in front of him. The redhead smiled at him.

"Have you lost little Roxy?" Demyx asked him teasingly. Axel chuckled.

"He wanted to sit down for a bit…" he said to the blonde. Zexion came skating over to the two others.

"So what's up with you suddenly having a cute blonde in your apartment, Axel? Tell us _everything!_" Zexion said. Axel looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"There is nothing you should know…" the redhead said. "And there is _nothing_ going on between him and me, what so ever!"

"But he's really cute Axel, so don't come here and tell me you don't like him!" Demyx said.

"Yeah, I've noticed he's cute! But I'm not going to try anything on him… He…" Axel looked away.

"He what?" Zexion demanded.

"He was going to jump off Twilight Bridge last night" the redhead said. Zexion covered a gasp with his hand. Demyx's green eyes widened in shock.

"Little Roxy was going to kill himself?" he asked. Axel nodded slowly.

"Oh my…" Zexion muttered "Poor thing! That is serious! Axel, do you know if he cuts himself?" Axel shook his head.

"No… I didn't really think of that…" he said. Zexion sighed.

"But I really shouldn't have told you guys… I have a feeling that he trusts me. So don't mention it ever, okay?" the redhead said. Demyx and Zexion nodded their heads.

"So you just happen to walk by right when he was going to jump off a bridge?" Zexion asked. Axel sighed.

"I was taking a walk, because I was really bored last night, and then I saw him on the bridge, climbing over the rail. And I couldn't just stand there and not do anything! So I walked out and stopped him. And luckily I got him to climb back over" the redhead said, thinking back to the night before. "I don't know what to do though… I can't tell him to go home, but I'm not sure if he wants to stay at my place. He almost doesn't even know me" Axel said.

"Ask him then! What harm can it do? If you don't mind him staying, I see no reason that it's a problem" Zexion said with a smile. Axel gave him a thanking look.

"Now let's cheer up!" Demyx beamed "Oh my gosh, Zexy! Do you see what I see?" Demyx said and pointed across the ice. Zexion gasped.

"Oh god, how horrible!" he said with laughter in his voice when he saw what his boyfriend was talking about. A redheaded girl with a long-sleeved, short pink dress with a turtleneck that seemed to be made of a warm material, white winter-tights, white scarf and gloves and white skates with a pink fur-top on them was skating around at another part of the course.

"I think that girl really needs a queer eye, darling" Zexion said to his blonde boyfriend. Demyx offered his arm to Zexion like a gentleman in and old movie.

"Care to join me, milady?" he asked. Zexion hooked his arm in Demyx's, and they skated across the course, heading for the girl. Axel started skating back to Roxas.

"Excuse me?" Zexion said as he and Demyx reached the redhead in pink. She looked at them with disgust, recognizing the 'stupid fags' she'd commented on to her friend earlier.

"Yes, can I help you fags?" she asked with a bitchy tone. Zexion measured her with his eyes for a second

"Yeah sweetie you could" he started "Spare some pink for the rest of the world, would you? You really don't look good with all pink and white. And if you haven't noticed, your hair is red. Last time pink and red were fashionable together was the 50's, so you're a little too late. Face it darling, pink is not your colour. It just looks bad, and you really take it over the top! Try not to kill good taste next time you dress, okay?" the lilac haired emo-boy said in the gayest voice he could manage. Then he kissed his boyfriend right in front of her, and skated away, holding Demyx's hand. The blonde started to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh my gosh, Zexy" he laughed "Did you see her face? And like when you kissed me, that was so good" he beamed. A satisfied smirk spread across Zexion's lips.

"Well, I wasn't going to let her get away with calling us fags, babe. And she _really_ needed to be told that. I wonder what the hell she was thinking when she got dressed this morning… " He chuckled.

"Probably: 'I really wanna look like a slutty bitch that wears too much of a colour that doesn't agree with my hair'" Demyx laughed. Zexion nodded as they skated towards Axel and Roxas.

-

Roxas watched Demyx and Zexion stop to talk to Kairi just when Axel came and sat down next to him.

"Hey" the redhead said. "Roxas, I have to ask you something" his emerald eyes met Roxas' cerulean.

"Yeah?" Roxas asked.

"I understand that you don't want to home, so if you want to you're welcome to stay the night at my place… Just if you want to" he said. Roxas looked at him, a small shy smile spreading across the angelic features of his face.

"Really? Are you sure?" he asked the redhead, who nodded.

"Thank you Axel!" Roxas said "I really don't know what I would do if it weren't for you being so nice to me. You don't even know me, and yet you treat me like a dear friend… It's just- Thank you" he said in a shaky voice and wiped away a single tear that had fallen.

Demyx and Zexion came and sat down at the bench, both of them laughing.

"What?" Axel asked them. Demyx pointed at Kairi, who now sat at a bench, frowning.

"You see that girl? Zexy told her exactly what he thought of that horrible outfit. And then he kissed me right in front of her, and she looked like she'd been stabbed with a knife. It was so hilarious! Oh my gosh!" he giggled. Zexion nonchalantly brushed his fingers through his fringe.

"Of course I kissed you right in her face! She called us fags, and I wasn't going to let her think that we didn't bite back" he said. Roxas burst out in laugher.

"Oh my god!" he said "That is priceless! I've wanted to tell Kairi how horrible her obsession with pink is for years, I just never found the right moment"

"You know her?" Zexion asked the younger. Roxas nodded

"She's in my class. I've known her for years, and she's always bugged me, 'cause she's swooning over my brother. She's a real bitch! I have to hand it to you Zexion; what you just did was brilliant" the blonde snickered. Zexion just smirked.

"So you guys ready to leave?" he asked the others. They agreed and changed back to their shoes. Then they walked over to give the skates to the rent-out-girl, and get Zexion's CD's back.

"Thanks for the music" the girl smiled at Zexion "I was getting horribly sick of the crap we have here myself"

Zexion winked at her and put his CD's in his bag, before they left the house and walked back to the Hummer.

-

Roxas and Axel entered the redhead's apartment about an hour and a half later. Zexion had insisted that he should buy them all dinner, so they'd eaten out.

"Are you sure it's okay that I stay here Axel?" he asked. The redhead walked over to Roxas and placed a hand gently on his chin, and lifted it slightly so that green eyes met blue ones.

"Yes, Roxas. I'm sure that it's okay. There's nobody else here but me to say that it's not okay, and I won't" he said. A small blush crept upon Roxas' cheeks. The blonde let a small yawn pass his lips.

"Are you tired?" Axel asked the blonde. Roxas nodded.

"Yeah, ice-skating really drains your energy" the blonde said. Axel smiled gently at him.

"Go to sleep then. You can borrow a t-shirt from me to sleep in so you won't have to sleep in your clothes again" he said and went into his bedroom, Roxas following. Axel went over to his closet and found a green t-shirt which he gave to the blonde.

"Here, you can sleep in this" he said and walked towards the door.

"What about you?" Roxas asked. Axel turned to him.

"What about me?" the redhead asked.

"Where are you going to sleep?" Roxas asked the redhead, feeling a bit guilty for sleeping in Axel's bed.

"The couch" Axel answered and smiled "Good night Roxas"

"Wait" Roxas said "I don't mind you sleeping with me…" he said before he blushed rapidly when he figured that those words could be badly misunderstood. "No, no, no not like that… I meant I don't mind you sleeping in the bed with me. That is if you don't mind me being in it. Gah, of course you mind, what the hell am I saying, I'll sleep at the couch Axel!" Roxas said. The redhead smiled at the blonde, walking back in the room.

"I don't mind you being there, Roxas" he whispered to the blonde "But are you sure that you don't mind if I sleep in it as well? The couch is not too comfortable..." he said. Roxas shook his head.

"I don't mind. I'm kind of cold after spending the whole day outside, and if you sleep in the bed too it'll be warmer, and that is nice because my body has a low temperature…" he said. Axel nodded.

"Okay, I'll just go and take a quick shower. Just try to sleep" the redhead said and left the room. Roxas changed to the t-shirt he had gotten from Axel, and got in the bed.

Axel returned ten minutes later, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He got in the bed, trying not to make any noise, in case the blonde was sleeping. When the redhead had lain down, Roxas snuggled up against his chest. For a moment Axel thought the boy was asleep.

"Your body is warm" Roxas muttered in a soft voice "Do you mind if I lay like this?" he asked. Axel shook his head.

"No, I don't mind at all Roxas" he whispered and let his fingers run through the boy's soft blonde bangs. A short while after, the two boys fell asleep.

-

_AN: And then chapter 4 was finished. I decided that it shouldn't be as angsty as the last one. And I put in some Zemyx and Kairi-bashing :) Yeah, I believe Axel's hair smells cinnamony vanilla-ish! And we got to know something about Zexion's parents. I hope this chapter wasn't disappointing.  
Well, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in like four-five months or something. It's horrible how fast time goes, and how little time I have to write. But I'll find more time now and in the time that comes! And I'm soon finished with a new chapter of Summer Vacation. Stay tuned for that. This chapter was longer than the previous ones though!!_

_I want to thank all of you wonderful, patient and not to mention kind people that read and review this thing! Every review means a lot to me, it really does! So thank you people! Please leave a review :)_

_One of Axel's heavenly good pancakes and a CD from Zexion's collection for reviewers!_


	5. There Are Unwanted Memories

**NOTE:**** This is an UNEDITED version, so_ please_ excuse what ever crappy grammar, typos and such there might be. I'll post the edited version as soon as I get it, but my beta is a little busy at the moment :) I just wanted to get this up soon!**

**Everyone****: Remember AkuRoku-day**!! August 13th! 8/13! It's a day of joy! So I wanted to update now that we're soon there :D _Everyone _celebrate AkuRoku-day in some way or another, or I'll be disappointed! ;)

**AN:** So, I've returned from the dead once again! Can you guys believe my slowness? I am so sorry! I hate myself for not writing faster! This is so totally a filler chapter… And it's really annoying! Gah!  
You people are awesome by the way! I got lots of wonderful reviews on the last chapter! I love you guys!  
A mega-huge thanks to **Elichi**, my beta! She is fantastic, fabulous and awesome! **  
Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing: **Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I own my plot, my brain, which only functions when it feels like it, and my computer. I don't own the characters! It's really sad!  
**Warning:** Well, it is a yaoi fic! And all that jazz!

Here we go!

**Chapter 5:**

Axel woke when he felt movement next to him. He opened his emerald eyes and looked at the sleeping form of the boy next to him in the bed. The blonde looked peaceful and calm where he lay, breathing steadily. It was now the fourth night Roxas was there. A glance at the watch on his nightstand told Axel that it was still too early to get up, seeing that it was only 3:15 am. He looked at the boy again with a small smile. Roxas' hair was a bit messy from sleeping, and the too big t-shirt he was wearing was riding slightly up his stomach. Axel's eyes fell upon the black armsock the blonde was wearing and came to think of that he'd not seen the boy without it. Then Zexion's question from the day at the ice-skating course entered his thoughts.

_"Axel, do you know if he cuts himself?"_

Hesitantly, the redhead reached his hand out and rested it where the fabric ended on Roxas' arm. His deep green eyes fell upon the blonde's face again. The younger didn't seem to notice the touch, his angelic face expressionless, still fast asleep. Axel slowly pulled the black fabric down the blondes arm to his wrist. Emerald eyes widened slightly as what it covered was exposed. The boy's arm was covered with several scars and some cuts that could be no more than a couple of days old. The clothing had also covered a rather large bruise. Axel sighed, his breath slightly shaking by the sight. He'd had his suspicions of what he would see, but he hadn't thought it would be that bad. The redhead gently let his hand brush down the blonde's arm, his index finger tracing some scars.

"Axel, what are you doing?" the blonde's voice asked suddenly. The boy had just woken up. Roxas yanked his arm away from the older and pulled the armsock back up so it was covering his arm again. "Why the hell did you have to look at that!?" the blonde asked, his voice shaking as he was on the verge of crying.

"Roxas…" Axel started, but the blonde shook his head and got up from the bed. He walked across the room where he came to a halt by the wall. The boy sobbed lowly and slammed his fist in the wall before he sat down, back against it and pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. The blonde put his forehead on his knees as tears rolled down his face. When he realized that the boy was crying, Axel got up and walked over to where the blonde was sitting. He sat down next to Roxas.

"I'm sorry Roxas," he said. The blonde looked up and met Axel's emerald eyes with his watery cerulean ones. "Why do you do that to yourself?" the redhead asked gently. The blonde lowered his gaze to the floor.

"I don't want to talk about it." he muttered softly. Axel reached out a hand and cupped Roxas' chin, getting the blonde to look at him again.

"You're only hurting yourself more by not talking about it," the redhead said gently. "Please." he whispered. The blonde nodded slowly and clutched his left wrist with his right hand. Then he took a deep breath and started telling it all to the redhead.

"I-I do it because I need to remove my thoughts from the pain inside my head for a while… It's just easier to deal with the physical pain" he said in a low voice.

"Could you tell me the whole story, Roxas? About your family and stuff…" Axel asked silently. Roxas exhaled softly and ran a hand through his hair.

"My family was just normal until about four years ago. We were all so happy and stuff… Before my older brother was thrown out of the house," the blonde started. Axel nodded for him to continue. "You see, he fell in love with his best friend, Cloud, and when he told our parents that he was gay our father just snapped and threw him out. I haven't seen him since that…" Roxas stopped and bit back some tears before he continued.

"Then my twin brother and I started to drift apart. I was so mad at my parents for throwing Leon out, but Sora loved that he got all the extra attention. I spent as much time as I could in my room or out of the house. I didn't talk much to my family, or anybody anymore. I just blocked them all out. Then my grades at school started dropping. Not like really bad, just down to the average level, but only top grades are good enough for my parents. So they started yelling at me. They used every chance they got. After a while they even started blaming me for the things Sora did wrong. I was told that I was a bad influence on him, 'cause he was too _perfect_ to do anything bad on his own. It all just got too much. I started drawing a lot to calm me down when I was depressed or didn't want to cry, but after a while it just didn't help anymore. So I started cutting myself. It was just a few times at first, but then I couldn't stop and I just kept doing it whenever I had too much pain inside to handle…" Roxas said and let out a shaky breath. Axel took the blonde's hand in his own and squeezed it gently.

"And it all kept going. My parents yelling at me for everything, me and my brother arguing all the time, I kept shutting everyone out, I kept cutting myself. So when my father… yelled at me on Christmas Eve, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I climbed out my window and ended up on the bridge…" the blonde finished. Axel nodded silently, a sad expression written on his beautiful face.

"What about the bruise?" he asked gently. Roxas' heart skipped a beat. He had hoped the older wouldn't have noticed the bruise the blonde had on his left arm.

"I… I fell. It's really nothing." Roxas lied. Emerald eyes dived deep into cerulean ones with a soft expression in them.

"Roxas please," Axel said in a sad voice. "I _know_ bruises like that don't come from falling…" the redhead sighed and looked away.

"He hits me." Roxas whispered as a new tear rolled down his chin. Axel let go of Roxas' hand and pulled the sobbing boy into his arms.

"Who?" he asked.

"My father…" Roxas said. The boy was crying silently onto Axel's chest. "He hits me whenever he is mad. It doesn't matter who he's mad at, he just takes it out on me. He never even has a reason, he just hits. And it's even worse when he's drunk," the blonde sobbed. "I can't take it anymore, Axel!"

The redhead ran his fingers soothingly through Roxas' hair. "I know how you feel…" he said. The younger shrugged.

"How could you possibly?" he asked, a bit more harshly than he had intended. Axel hesitated, causing Roxas to lift his head and look at the redhead. "Axel?" the blonde said. Axel was staring at nothing in particular, his face expressionless. Only his deep emerald eyes had a flash of sadness in them. Then the redhead shook his head.

"I guess I can't…" he muttered. Roxas pulled away.

"Axel, you were thinking of something. Can't you please tell me?" he asked. The redhead shook his head again and sighed. The blonde boy sat up and leaned against the wall, his eyes seeking away from the older. "Why won't you tell me?" he asked slightly hurt. Axel didn't say anything. After a while, the redhead stood up from the floor. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of black jeans. He put them on and turned to the boy who was still sitting on the floor.

"Come for a walk with me?" he asked silently. Roxas looked at him sceptically with raised brows.

"A walk, now?" he asked as his eyes darted over to the watch on Axel's nightstand. "It's three thirty in the morning…" he said. The redhead just nodded. Roxas got up from the floor.

"You can borrow a jacket from me so you won't get cold," Axel said as he walked out of the room. The blonde walked over to where he'd put his clothes and pulled on his jeans and hoodie, before he left the bedroom. The redhead was already standing by the front door, putting his shoes on. Roxas did the same and put on the jacket Axel handed him. The two didn't say much while they walked out of the apartment building. After walking in silence for about ten minutes, the older finally spoke.

"I really _can_ understand how you must feel about your father, Roxas…" he said lowly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Roxas asked and cast the redhead a glance. Axel sighed. "Please?" the blonde added gently.

"I've never really talked about it with anyone before…" he said. "But I guess I would have to eventually, anyway." he said and tried to find a good place to start.

"Thank you." the blonde whispered. Axel inhaled softly before he started.

"I never knew my real parents; they died when I was two years old. So I was raised by foster-parents. They were very nice, especially my foster-mother. I really had the feeling that she was my real mother. And our family was just normal… I went to school, my parents had each their job, and we had a nice apartment. For a while it seemed like I couldn't wish for anything more. But then, when I was eleven, my foster-father lost his job. My mom had to work extra and usually worked late. My foster-father started drinking, and he and my mom started fighting all the time. About how he didn't look for a new job and that she had to make all the money when he just spent it on alcohol. Then he started… doing things to me. And he would always beat me if I said no or fought back. He told me to tell my mother that I was bullied at school. And it went on like that for almost two years, and my foster-father's abuse kept getting worse. He…" Roxas took the redhead's hand and squeezed it gently.

"It's okay," he said soothingly. "You don't have to go on if you don't want to."

Axel swallowed thickly and shook his head before he continued. "He came into my room one night. My mom was working late, and we didn't expect her home for a couple of hours. Usually I would keep my door locked, but I had forgotten just that one night… And he came into my room, and I could see that he was drunk as always. He started hitting me, and yelling at me about how it was my fault that he and my mother was arguing. I had never let him see me cry over the things he did to me. Not once, before that night. He beat me up real good. Then he pushed me onto my bed and started ripping my clothes off. I tried to get away from him, but it was useless since he was so much stronger than me. I was so fucking scared that moment. I knew he was going to rape me, and I wasn't able to stop him. All I could do was lie there and wait for it to pass. Just wait for him to get it over with, but he never did. I could hear a loud bam before I was covered in blood and my foster-father fell over. In the doorway to my room stood my mom with a gun, and she'd shot him." Axel exhaled softly. The blonde boy walking beside him let out a small gasp.

"Was he… dead?" he asked the older silently. Axel nodded.

"Yeah… The police filed it as self defence. After that, my mom and I moved to a smaller apartment, and we managed to get ourselves back on our feet. And for almost eight months things were going rather great considering what we had been through. But then se started getting depressed. She began taking all sorts of pills, and I think she got addicted to them. She ended up losing her job, just like my foster-father had. She just… stopped caring about everything except her meds, it seemed. And she started acting all weird, like I had never seen her before. At the end, they had to put her at a mental hospital. I was fourteen at the time, so they sent me to an orphanage. I didn't stay there long though. I left a little while before I turned sixteen, and I got myself a job and went back to school. Not really much to say about things after that… I became close friends with Demyx, Zexion and Yuffie. Then we formed our band, and that's actually about it…" Axel finished with a small sigh.

"I'm really sorry I said that you… wouldn't understand me," Roxas muttered sadly. "I didn't know..."

"It's okay." Axel said and gave the younger a small smile. The two had walked into a park. Roxas had used to play there when he was little, so he recognized it at once. He's never seen it like this though. Covered in an untouched white blanket, that was lit up by an occasional street light here and there. There was no one in the park save himself and Axel, and it was all so quiet. No kids running around, playing and yelling at each other. No old ladies feeding a flock of birds with her bread crumbles. No businessmen talking loudly in their phones while they haste through the park, back to their office. No, it was just the two of them, walking in silence at the moment. Roxas smiled a little to himself. It was nice to walk with Axel like this, in the middle of the night.The two sat down at a bench, watching the lithe snowflakes that fell softly to the ground. "Life kinda sucks at times, doesn't it?" Axel said after a while.

"Yeah, I guess it does…" the blonde said and sighed. "I wish I could just run away from it sometimes. Just pack some stuff and say 'Goodbye life' and just leave…"

"Then why don't ya?" Axel asked. Roxas snorted and looked at the older with a quirked eyebrow.

"Uhm, because it wouldn't work, silly." he said. "I wouldn't know where the hell to go! And besides, I wouldn't have enough money. And I can't drive, and there had been no way I could get any place far enough off to call it 'running away' by walking" the blonde smirked a little.

"I could've come with you," Axel said. "And we could just rob a bank and steal a car, and we could just start driving and never stop!" he grinned. Roxas shook his head with a chuckle.

"Yeah, that would be dramatic! Well, if we robbed a bank, we would've been criminals, and the police would just catch us and put us in jail," he sighed before he looked away. "No, I guess we'll just have to live with it." the blonde muttered. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Roxas reached his hand out and caught some of the falling snow flakes and watched them melt in his palm.

"I like this park… It's peaceful, isn't it?" Axel asked. Roxas nodded and looked at the older.

"I've never been here when it's been so… quiet." he said. The redhead chuckled.

"Maybe because it's somewhere around three in the morning?" he smiled. "Only weird people like us are up and out walking around at this hour." his tone was light, and Roxas couldn't help the little laugh escaping his lips.

"I'm not weird!" he protested with a smile.

"Only a little." Axel grinned. Roxas bent down and gathered a small amount of snow in his hands before he started forming it to a ball. The redhead's eyes widened.

"Oh no, you don't!" he said as he got up from the bench and started running. Roxas followed him quickly, an evil smile playing on his lips. As the blonde was about throw his snowball at the older, Axel tripped and fell flat in the deep snow. Roxas couldn't help laughing. The redhead managed to sit up and started brushing the loads of snow off himself, cursing under his breath all the while. When he heard the younger's uncontrollable laughter, he sent the blonde a scowl. "You think this is very funny, don't ya Roxas?" he asked. Roxas, who was laughing too hard to get a word out, just nodded. Without warning, Axel jumped on his feet and launched himself at the younger, making Roxas fall on his back in the snow. The redhead started shuffling large amounts of snow on top of the still giggling boy beneath him. The redhead laughed. "Who's laughing now?" Axel asked, a wide grin spreading on his face.

"Me," the blonde giggled, causing Axel to put shuffle even more snow on him. "Okay, you!" Roxas managed to choke out between his constant chuckles, as he desperately tried to avoid getting snow in his neck.

"Damn right I am!" the redhead smiled and stopped his snow attack at the smaller boy, whom was now gasping for breath after laughing so hard. "You know, you're pretty cute when you laugh like that." Axel said. A vivid blush spread upon Roxas' face.

"Am not!" he said with a pout and tried to sit up, causing Axel to lose his balance and tip on his back in the snow again. Laughing softly, the blonde stood, brushed off most of the snow and reached his hand out for the redhead to take. Standing up, Axel brushed the snow off himself as well.

"I guess we should head back, before you catch a cold," he smiled at the younger. Roxas agreed and they started making their way back to Axel's apartment. As they rounded a corner, the blonde came to a sudden halt. About five meters away from them there were two figures up against the wall, their lips meeting passionately.

"Fuck." Roxas muttered as he recognized the boy being pushed against the wall by a taller boy with silver hair. The chocolate spikes, the petite build. Even though it was dark, Sora was not to be mistaken. Roxas hastily grabbed Axel's wrist and started backing away, but he was too slow.

"Roxas?!" Sora said in disbelief. He'd now pushed Riku away, and was walking towards his twin brother. "What the _fuck_ are you doing out at this time o' night?" he asked. Roxas could tell that the brunet had been drinking. The blonde moved his gaze away from his brother's, not really wanting to talk to him.

"I believe that's my line." he said coldly. Sora grunted.

"We've just been at a friend of mine's party," Riku cut in and flashed Roxas a charming smile. "We were on our way back to my place just now." he said.

"I guess our parents must be thrilled, knowing how wisely you spend your nights then, Sora." Roxas muttered. The brunet glared at him.

"They think I'm spending the night at Kairi's." he said. "But I'm rather shocked to see you, Roxas! I thought you would've been smart enough to go and kill yourself by now." the brunet smirked.

"Shut up!" Roxas snapped as he felt the too familiar stinging behind his eyelids. Axel took the blonde's hand and squeezed it gently to comfort him a bit.

"Sora," Riku sighed. "You shouldn't say stuff like that to your brother. You might regret it some day." he said. Sora grunted and sent Riku a cold look.

"Whatever!" he said and looked at his brother again. "So where the hell have you been? Not that I care, I really don't! I prefer not having you around! I don't have to constantly hear your crappy music, I get more warm water and dad's not so bloody grumpy! In fact, you should run away more often." Sora let out a small laugh. The blonde scowled at him.

"Now So," Riku smirked. "I'm sure Roxas has a _perfectly_ good reason why he's not been home." he said as he measured Axel with his eyes. The brunet's gaze fell upon Roxas' hand, which was still entangled with Axel's.

"God, Roxas! You're such a fag!" Sora snorted. The blonde quickly removed his hand from Axel's. He was about to answer when Riku spoke

"I think you should shut up now, Sora! After all, you're the one who was pushed up against the wall, making-out with me," he smirked. Roxas could actually say he was glad Riku were there at that moment. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all. "Now, I think we should get our asses home and get you to bed, eh Sora? You get awfully grumpy when you've been drinking." the silver-haired boy said, earning an angry scowl from his boyfriend. He took Sora's hand and walked past the other two. He turned with another one of his charming smiles. "Well, nice talking to ya, Roxy." he said and winked at the blonde. Riku and Sora turned the corner, and disappeared. Roxas shrugged.

"Fuck." he said again.

"That was your brother, wasn't it?" Axel asked. The blonde nodded with a sigh.

"I really didn't need that!" he said and started walking. Axel caught up with him quickly.

"You look very much alike…" he said.

"Well, twins tend to do that." Roxas muttered. The redhead smiled at him.

"I still think you're cuter." he said teasingly.

"Shut up," Roxas said, slapping Axel's arm lightly, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm not cute." he protested.

"Only a little." the redhead said with a grin. Roxas smirked at him.

"You want me to throw another snowball at you?" he asked.

"Okay, okay! I surrender" Axel said with a chuckle. The blonde shot him a satisfied smile as they kept walking. In a couple of minutes they had reached Axel's apartment building. "Dammit!" the redhead said angrily as he dug through his pockets. He turned to the younger with a sheepish smile.

"What?" The blonde asked when he saw the look on the redhead's face.

"Well. I kinda, eh, forgot the keys inside…" Axel said. Roxas raised his eyebrows and looked at the redhead in disbelief.

"You're kidding, right?" he demanded. As the older shook his head, the blonde let out a sigh. "So now what do we do?"

Axel ran a hand through his crimson hair. "We'll just have to go and get the spare key, I guess..." he muttered.

"And where is this spare key?" the younger asked.

"Demyx has it," the redhead smiled. "So we'll just have to walk to Zexy's place, which will take no more than fifteen minutes, tops. I'm sure Dem's there." he started walking down the street, the blonde following quickly. After a little while of walking in silence, Roxas spoke.

"Axel?" he asked to get the older's attention. "I've been thinking and… Is it okay with you if I stay 'till New Years Eve? My folks always leave town a couple of days at that time every year, and I could go home when they aren't there… It would just be a bit easier. If it's not okay, I'll leave whenever you want me to, though." the blonde looked at the older. Axel smiled at him.

"Of course you can stay," he said. They kept walking in silence, Roxas smiling for himself. It didn't take them long to get to Zexion's house.

"Oh my fucking god, this is bloody _huge!_" the blonde exclaimed as they walked towards the front door. Axel chuckled.

"I've always said Zexy's a size whore," he said. "But if you ever tell him I said that, he'll kill me! So don't…" he said before his lips curved in one of his trademark smirks. The redhead rung the doorbell once before he stood back and stared at the door for a couple of seconds. Then an impish grin spread across his features and he rung it again. And again, before he started poking it rapidly. They could hear a couple of loud thumps from inside the house, and a couple of seconds later the door flung open.

"Axel! What the _fuck_ is the point of ringing my doorbell five million times?" Zexion, who looked rather angry, growled at the redhead. Axel smiled innocently and removed his finger from the bell.

"What're you talking about Zexy? I haven't rung no doorbell five million times! It must be your imagination again," he chuckled. Zexion rolled his eyes.

"So what do you want?" he asked, before he suddenly noticed Roxas who had partly hid behind the redhead. "Hey there Roxy." he added with a smile, just as another blonde came darting to the door.

"Axiiiie!" Demyx beamed and flung himself at Axel. "What are you doing here? It's kinda late… early… middle of the night-ish!" the blonde said happily as he stepped back.

"Demyx, I need my spare key," Axel said. "I kinda locked us out..." he said and gestured towards Roxas. Demyx, who hadn't noticed the smaller blonde before now, leaped forwards and hugged Roxas tightly.

"Roxy! I missed you!" he smiled. Roxas replied with a shy smile. Demyx turned to Axel. "Sorry Axie… I don't have the key here," he said apologetically.

"_What_?" Axel smacked a hand to his forehead. "Great." he muttered. Demyx chuckled lightly.

"You should've told me that you were gonna lock yourself out! If I had known, I would've brought it! Stupid Axel, you have to think a little more." he smiled. Zexion rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's stupidity, a small smile crossing his lips. The redhead turned to him with a sweet smile.

"Zexy?" he started. "Could we borrow one of your four thousand bedrooms 'till tomorrow?"

The lilac-haired boy looked thoughtful. "Hmm, I dunno Axel! You just practically raped my doorbell, woke me in the middle of the night and made my previously sleepy boyfriend sugar high." he smirked. Axel put on a small pout.

"You don't want us to sleep in the streets, do you? What if we were eaten by rabid squirrels?" he said. Demyx's emerald eyes widened.

"Zexy," he whined. "We can't let them get eaten by the evil rabid squirrels! Axel's let us sleep at his place lots of times, and he's only got _one _bed! You have like hundreds-"

"Okay, okay!" Zexion said. "Of course you can, Axel! I was just torturing you a bit," he said and stuck out his tongue. When Roxas and Axel had entered the house, Zexion closed and locked the door before he started walking up the stairs, dragging Demyx with him. "Now we're going back to sleep! You guys find yourself a bedroom… 'Night." he said and the two disappeared upstairs. Roxas looked around in the huge entrance hall. It was bigger than half of the ground floor in his house. Axel smirked.

"Hungry, Rox?" he asked. "At least I am, so let's go raid Zexy's kitchen." he started walking towards a door. The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"Axel! You can't just go and help yourself in someone's kitchen!" he protested. Axel waved a hand.

"This isn't someone's kitchen, it's Zexy's kitchen! And besides, you should hear about some of the things he and Demyx's done in _my_ kitchen…" he said and walked through the door. Roxas followed him. The kitchen wasn't exactly less luxurious than the entrance hall. And it was huge as well. The redhead was already busy going through the refrigerator, getting different ingredients. "How do you feel about omelette?" he asked the blonde, whom was still admiring the interior.

"It's fine, but are you sure Zexion won't be mad?" he asked nervously. Axel had started mixing stuff in a bowl by now.

"Roxas, don't worry! He'll never know, and even if he knew he wouldn't care as long as we don't make any noise! He needs his beauty sleep." the older chuckled. Axel had the omelette finished in a matter of minutes.

"Axel, are you born with an unnaturally great skill of cooking?" Roxas asked as he ate his part of omelette. The redhead grinned.

"How should I know that?" he chuckled.

-

After they'd finished eating and washed the dishes, the two boys started their quest of finding a place to sleep. It didn't take them long though, considering there were three bedrooms on the ground floor. They chose the room that had two single beds. Both boys stripped down to their boxers and t-shirt, before they crawled in each their bed to sleep. After a while of complete silence, Axel heard shuffling in sheets from the other bed and silent footsteps across the floor before another body crawled into the bed he was lying in. He turned around to see Roxas curling up carefully beside him.

"Roxas?" he asked gently. The blonde's cerulean eyes shot open and a blush spread across his face.

"I-I'm sorry, Axel… I thought you were asleep," he stuttered. "I'll just…" he started getting out of the bed, but Axel stopped him.

"No, it's okay." he smiled and lifted his bedcover so the blonde could crawl beneath.

"I just hate sleeping in unfamiliar beds…" Roxas said lowly as he curled up close to the redhead. "And I just figured that it might help being in the same bed as you since we've shared one the last couple of nights…" he muttered. The redhead smiled, and without thinking he let his hand stroke through the younger's soft, blonde spikes. His emerald eyes fell upon Roxas' left arm. The blonde had taken the black armsock off before he went to bed. Axel's hand descended from Roxas' hair to his arm. Slowly tracing the younger's scars with his fingers for the second time, Axel sighed sadly.

"Roxas?" he asked. The boy lifted his head slightly to look at the older. The redhead swallowed thickly. "Please stop doing this to yourself…" he whispered. He could see the blonde was struggling with a couple of tears. "You could talk to me instead, or call me or come over and just be there… I just don't want you to be alone and in pain, Roxas! I care about you," he said gently and cupped the blonde's chin with his hand, stroking away a single tear with his thumb. "I know it's a lot to ask, but could you promise me to stop, Roxas?" he exhaled softly. There was a long silence before the blonde answered.

"I promise." Roxas said gently, before he crawled a little bit closer to the older's warm body.

-

_AN:__ I! Hate! This! Chapter! It chewed my brains out about a thousand times while writing it! I officially HATE filler chapters! And I'm sorry for its complete suckiness! Anyway, thank you so much for sticking with me, and reading! And reviewing!! Reviews keep me going!! They really do! I get all depressed when nobody reviews! Just ask Andrew :P So leave one, pretty please? Yup, I'm begging pathetically for reviews! xD _

_**PS: **__I need all of you guys to answer me something. Is it okay if the next chapter is a little shorter than usual? Because if that's okay with you guys, I'll probably have it up in a week… If not, just say so and I'll try to make it longer, but it may take more time…_

_Cookies and omelette for the lovely reviewers:D_


	6. But You Feel Happiness

**NOTE:**** This is an UNEDITED version, so please excuse what ever crappy grammar, typos and such there might be. I'll post the edited version as soon as I get it, but my beta is a little busy at the moment :) I just wanted to get this up soon!**

**HAPPY AKUROKU DAY :D **Today is a day of celebration! So celebrate Axel and Roxas' love for each other!! This chapter is my little tribute to the occasion!

**AN:** Who's a little proud of me? _Two_ days on an update! And I could've updated yesterday, but I wanted to wait 'till now! I know I made a big deal about the whole 'shorter chapter' thing, but when it all came to an end, it's only two pages shorter than last one xD So, here you go!  
My beta **Elichi** deserves a big thank you! **  
Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I own my computer! And some money. And a self-thinking, not-so-smart brain xD I don't own the characters!  
**Warning:** Yaoi! Duhrr! You know that by now :D  
Beware of Demyx suffering from a rabid 'must-buy-other-people-new-clothes'-symptom.  
And beware of something else ,

**Chapter 6**

Roxas woke to the hushed sound of whispering voices, although his mind didn't register them since he was still only half awake. Opening his eyes, he looked straight at the sleeping Axel beside him. The redhead was lying on his back, his lips parted slightly as he breathed. Roxas smiled and stretched out a hand. He carefully let it play through soft, red hair as he scooted closer to the older man. The blonde gently laid his head on Axel's chest, breathing in the warmth coming from the redhead. As Roxas closed his eyes on his way back into a slumber, he heard a soft giggle coming from the foot of the bed. He sat up hastily, and stared at Demyx and a girl with short, black hair he didn't know who was.

"Morning Roxy," Demyx beamed at him, his voice lowered so he wouldn't wake the still sleeping redhead. The older blonde and the girl were sitting cross-legged on the foot end of the bed. Demyx turned to the girl. "See Yuffie, I _told _you he was adorable!" he whispered. The girl named Yuffie smiled at Roxas, who looked at the two in utter confusion.

"Demyx?" the blonde asked. Roxas didn't remember that he was currently in a guestroom in Zexion's house, seeing that he'd just woken up. So he just kept staring bewildered at the two people sitting on the end of the bed. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"You're in my boyfriend's house, silly." Demyx smiled, his voice still lowered down. Slowly, realization started to dawn upon the younger's face.

"Oh, right," Roxas whispered as a sheepish smile crept upon his face. "I'd forgotten." He let a hand run through his messy blonde spikes. Demyx jumped off the bed and grabbed Roxas' arm. Dragging the smaller blonde with him, Demyx left the room, Yuffie following the two. When they were on the outside of the guestroom Axel and Roxas had been sleeping in, the younger boy swiftly put on his armsock and pants, which he'd managed to grab on their way out.

"We had to get out so we didn't wake Axel," Demyx grinned, his voice back to normal. "He gets awfully grumpy if he's been up half the night and you wake him." Roxas let out a yawn and cast a clock, hanging on a near by wall, a glance.

"Nine thirty?" Roxas groaned. "Why couldn't I sleep a bit more? I was up half the night too." he said and looked at the older blonde with a pout. Demyx smiled.

"Because Yuffie wanted to see if you really were as adorable as I said you were." he said happily. Casting the black-haired girl a new glance, Roxas recognized her as the girl playing drums in Dying Flames. Smiling at Yuffie, the boy reached out his right hand for her to shake.

"Roxas," he said. The girl shook his hand back with a grin.

"Yuffie," she smiled before she turned to Demyx. "Dem! You didn't give this blonde enough credit! He's even more adorable than you said!" she smirked. Demyx stuck out his tongue at her.

"You just didn't listen," he grinned. "I _said_ that Roxas was one of the cutest things ever to walk the face of the earth!"

None of the three heard the door to the guestroom open. "If you don't stop calling Roxas cute he might throw a snowball at you, Demyx!" the redhead standing in the doorway chuckled. "So beware." Axel gave the three one of his trademark smirks. Roxas turned and gave Axel a small smile. "Gee, you guys know how to make a racket, don't ya?" the redhead laughed.

"Yup," the older blonde grinned. "You can always have faith in us to make sure nobody sleeps." Yuffie laughed and smacked Demyx's back head. "What was _that_ for?" he demanded with a pout as he stared at the girl. She just shook her head.

"No reason. Just felt like smacking something." Yuffie smiled. Axel, who had currently been busy finding his jeans in the guestroom, came back out and noticed Demyx's scowl at Yuffie.

"What'd I miss?" he asked. Demyx looked at the redhead with puppy-dog eyes.

"She smacked my head," he said and pointed an accusing finger at Yuffie, who just smiled innocently.

"She did?" Axel asked. Demyx nodded, and Axel groaned. "And I _missed_ it? Do it again Yuffie!" he smirked. Before Demyx had time to react, the girl had smacked his head once more. Axel let out a laugh at the glare Demyx sent him, which screamed 'traitor'.

"Morning entertainment," Axel chuckled as he high-five'd Yuffie. They could hear the sound of someone clearing their throat. The four turned, to see Zexion standing in the kitchen doorway with one hand on his hip, wearing a frilly, _pink_ apron. Roxas, Demyx, Yuffie and Axel all burst into laugher at the sight. Zexion just scowled at them.

"Very funny," he said. Axel looked like he was trying to say something, but he was laughing too hard to manage speaking. "You know, you shouldn't laugh Axel!" Zexion frowned and brushed a hand through his lilac fringe. "_You_'re the one who burned my black apron. Hence, you're the reason I have to wear this thing which looks like it comes from Marluxia's wardrobe." He rolled his eyes as the four other teens just kept laughing. "Are you gonna come eat breakfast, or should I just throw it out? Maybe you're not hungry." Zexion smirked as those words made them stop laughing immediately and march into the kitchen, where he'd made breakfast. They sat down around the kitchen table, Demyx and Zexion next to each other on one side, and Roxas in between Yuffie and Axel on the other side.

When they'd finished eating, Zexion demanded with a smirk that Axel, Yuffie and Demyx cleaned the table, because they'd been so rude to laugh at his apron. When that was out of the way, Yuffie grinned.

"Now, why I came here," she started. "You guys are coming with me to the mall! We need to buy fireworks for Sunday." A mischievous grin spread upon her face. Zexion groaned.

"I'm _not _going shopping with you again, Yuffie!" he said. She glared at him.

"And exactly _when _are you gonna get fireworks? Don't even try to say tomorrow, because all the stupid stores close early on Saturdays, plus then _all_ the good rockets will be gone!" Yuffie said.

"But what exactly do you need us for?" Zexion asked. The girl sighed.

"You're the one with a fat bank account!" she grinned. Zexion rolled his eyes. "And I want the best fireworks we could possibly get."

"She's got a point, Zexy," Axel said. "I'm in on the fireworks!"

"I still don't want to go shopping!" Zexion pointed out.

"You are _gay_!" Yuffie exclaimed. "You should _gladly_ come shopping with me!" she put a hand on her hip and stared at Zexion. The lilac-haired boy scowled back at her.

"And you're a lesbian! Shouldn't that mean you _don't_ like to go shopping?" he asked. Yuffie laughed.

"I'm bi stupid, and I'm still a girl! Anyway, I'm not gonna stop my nagging until you come."

"Zexy," Demyx said. "Shopping is fun! I want to find new clothes for Axel's wardrobe again." He let out a soft giggle.

"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Axel cut in. "Why is it always my wardrobe that has to suffer because of Demyx's rabid 'must-buy-new-clothes'-syndrome? I don't want another pair of pink leather pants!" he chuckled, causing said blonde to scowl at him.

"Fine!" he said. "I'll find new clothes for Roxas' wardrobe instead." He smiled happily. Zexion sighed at his boyfriend's enthusiasm.

"Guess we'll have to come then," he said. Yuffie grinned widely, and started making her way to the entrance hall.

"Come on you guys!" she called after the four boys still standing in the kitchen, exchanging looks. Axel chuckled, before he grabbed Roxas' hand and followed Yuffie.

-

Twenty minutes later the five of them found themselves at Twilight Mall. They'd stopped by Demyx's place to pick up Axel's spare keys on the way. Demyx quickly dragged Roxas with him, muttering something about 'how good Roxas probably would look in navy'. Axel laughed before he turned to Yuffie and Zexion with a grin.

"Now, let's go buy fireworks," he said and started walking.

-

"Come on, Roxy! Speed up! So many clothes, so little time," he beamed as he dragged the younger blonde with him into an especially expensive-looking store. Roxas hesitated.

"Demyx, are you sure about this? I don't have any money and-" he was cut off by the older.

"We're using Zexy's money! And no, it's not a problem." He smiled as he dragged Roxas over to a table with neatly folded clothes. "You're about the same size as Zexy, right?" the older asked as he started looking for sizes. The smaller blonde nodded, before he let out a gasp. He took a hold of a prize-tag and stared at it in disbelief.

"Are you aware of what these thing _cost_?" he asked Demyx, who'd already moved to another table and begun going through a stack of tops.

"I _said_; it's not a problem." He grinned as he pulled out a tight-fitting, indigo shirt, threw it over his arm alongside the other garments he'd already picked out, and turned to Roxas.

"You're expecting me to put _that_ on?" the smaller blonde asked as he gestured to the shirt. Demyx arched an eyebrow and chuckled.

"Why, yes! And you better look fucking fabulous in it," he exclaimed loudly, causing some nearby people to send him weird looks. "What?" Demyx grinned at a random woman who was scowling at him. "Have you never seen a gay boy shop before? Take a picture, it'll last longer." He chuckled as the woman looked away in defeat, and turned to the other boy.

"Now, how many pairs of tight pants do you own?" he asked. Roxas scratched the back of his neck.

"Eh… none really," he said. Demyx looked at Roxas as if the smaller had just announced that he had an AK-47 in his pocket, and intended to pull it out and kill every costumer in the store.

"Are you kidding me?" Demyx asked loudly in disbelief. When Roxas shook his head, the older blonde sighed and started making his way over to the jeans, muttering something about 'teenage boys and fashion sense these days', earning him a another couple of weird looks from other costumers.

"Oh my gosh, Roxy! You are _so_ having a pair of these," Demyx exclaimed happily as he started digging through the piles. Having found at least seven pairs of tight pants, two of them leather, Demyx finally started dragging Roxas towards the dressing-rooms. Pushing the smaller blonde into a stall, he gave him the clothes. "Now, strip!" he demanded as he closed the door.

"W-what?" Roxas asked. The older blonde laughed.

"I said; strip! You have to take off the clothes you're wearing before you can try the new ones. Now get going," he demanded.

-

About an hour later Demyx and Roxas met up with Yuffie and Zexion, who were sitting by a table, drinking smoothies, several huge paper-bags spread around their legs.

"Oh my god, how much clothes have you forced that poor boy to try on?" Zexion asked his boyfriend as they came walking, a pack of bags from different stores in hand.

"About three times as much as we bought," Demyx grinned as Roxas flopped down in a char, looking exhausted. "Oh, is that the fireworks?" the older blonde asked pointing a finger at the paper bags on the floor. Yuffie nodded with a grin.

"Where's Axel?" Roxas asked, noting the missing redhead.

"He said he'd be back in fifteen minutes. He had to take care of something." Zexion smiled. Nodding, Roxas sighed.

"I'm beat! That's the last time I'm trying on clothes, ever!" he said. The other three snickered.

Axel came back after about fifteen minutes. Deciding that they had enough fireworks, the five teens figured they should get home. Zexion drove Axel and Roxas to Axel's apartment, the redhead making sure he brought the spare key with him.

"So, see you guys on New Years Eve," Axel smirked as he got out of the car, dragging Roxas bags along with him. Taking the keys from the redhead, Roxas opened the door to the apartment building and led way up the stairs.

"You sure you don't need help with those bags, Axel?" the blonde asked. The older snickered and nodded his head. When they'd entered the apartment and Axel had put the bags down, he smirked at the blonde.

"Why don't you put on the clothes and show me what Demyx force-bought you?" he asked. Roxas quirked an eyebrow and looked at the older in disbelief.

"You can't seriously mean that you want me to undress and dress and undress and bloody dress _again_, once more today!" he said. "Sorry Axel, but there will be no fashion-show on you today." Smiling sweetly at the redhead, Roxas sat down on the couch, exhaling gently before he smiled to himself. Today had been a good day.

-

Sunday night, around 8 pm, Axel's doorbell begun buzzing rapidly. Marching over to the door, he flung it opened and sent the lilac-haired boy ringing his doorbell a scowl.

"What are you doing, Zexion?" Axel asked.

"I'm avenging my doorbell." The emo-boy smirked before he pushed past Axel into the apartment. Behind him came Demyx, carrying a bag of groceries. Yuffie was last, carrying all the bags full of fireworks, cursing under her breath.

"Need some help, Yuffie?" Axel grinned. She scowled at him, before she grinned.

"Nah, I've carried them all the way up your bloody stairs," she walked inside the apartment and sat the fireworks down. Demyx came bouncing out of the kitchen, before he jumped at Axel and gave him his usual greeting.

"Axel," Zexion smiled. Axel arched an eyebrow at the lilac-haired boy, and put the sugar high –as always- blonde down. "You're cooking."

Axel groaned. "Why do I have to cook?" he asked, self-pity dripping from his voice.

"Because; I don't want to cook, and I paid for the bloody fireworks, which qualifies me to sit on my ass and do nothing if I want to. Demyx can't cook, we've all experienced that before," he smirked at the look his boyfriend sent him. "And Yuffie doesn't know the difference between a tomato and a fish!"

The boys chuckled, ignoring the "I do too know the difference! Tomatoes can't swim." coming from Yuffie.

"Hey Axel, where's Roxie?" Demyx asked and looked around, not spotting the younger blonde.

"He's taking a shower and getting dressed." Axel said and sighed gently. Tonight Roxas would go home, and to tell the truth, Axel really didn't want him to. He'd felt less lonely the past week than he'd ever done, and it was all thanks to the petite blonde with the sweet smile of his that could take Axel's breath away.

"Ah okay," Demyx smiled. "I put the groceries in the kitchen, so you can just start making dinner, Axel."

As the redhead was about to make his way to the kitchen, the door to the bathroom opened and Roxas walked out. The sight left Axel speechless, and at the same time it made Demyx squeal. The younger blonde was wearing a pair of tight, faded black jeans and the tight-fitting indigo shirt.

"Oh my gosh, didn't I tell you that you looked fabulous in that shirt, Roxy?" the older blonde beamed as he bounced over to Roxas, who was smiling one of his shy smiles again. "Doesn't he look fantastic, Axel?" Demyx asked the redhead. Axel swallowed thickly, eyes roaming over the blonde boy.

"He does," the redhead said as his emerald eyes connected with cerulean ones.

-

The evening went by fast. Axel cooked up something incredible from the groceries Demyx had brought, and when they'd finished eating dinner and cleaned the table, it was nearing 11:30.

"We have to go out and start rigging the fireworks soon," Demyx beamed. As Yuffie, Zexion and Demyx started getting dressed and ready to go outside, Roxas pulled the redhead with him into the bedroom.

"I think I have to get going soon… I think Sora mentioned something a couple of months ago about that he would stay home this year… And I'd like to get the chance to get in while he's still out," Roxas said silently. The truth was, he'd been sad about leaving the whole day, and now that he had to, he'd rather just get it over with. Looking up into the older's emerald eyes he could see a flash of sadness.

"Yeah, I understand," Axel said with a smile. "If you want to, I could walk you a little bit."

The blonde smiled shyly again. "I'd like that."

-

Axel and Roxas were walking down a road, in direction of Twilight Bridge. They weren't talking much, both lost in their thoughts. Roxas had left all his new clothes at Axel's apartment. At least he had a reason to go back. After a while, the redhead spoke.

"Here," Axel said as he fished something out of his pocket. "I want you to have this…" he said as he reached a keychain with two keys to the younger. Roxas' blue eyes went wide in realization of what the older had just given him.

"Axel… I-I…" he stammered.

"It's to my apartment… In case you'll ever need somewhere to run to," Axel said. The blonde thought about something to say, but he couldn't find words that would fit. Roxas just sent him a thankful look as he put the keys carefully in his pocket, and Axel nodded with a small smile. Their walk together would soon come to an end, as they were nearing Twilight Bridge.

"I think I'll find my way from here," Roxas said with a small smile as they reached the middle of the bridge. The redhead stopped and cast a glance towards the city lights, which were shining just as they'd done Christmas Eve.

"One week, huh…" Axel stated thoughtfully. "It seems so much longer since I decided to go for that walk and-" he was cut off as Roxas' arms wrapped tightly around his waist, his face buried in the redhead's chest.

"I'm glad you did," the blonde said with a sigh, and looked up at the older just as a single tear rolled down his chin. Axel instantly brushed it away with his thumb.

"So am I." he whispered with a smile. Roxas held his arms around Axel a little longer before he let go, gaze moved towards the hundreds of lights. Then he looked at the redhead again, a smile crossing his lips.

"Thank you, Axel," he said. "For talking me out of it…" he said with a nod towards the river beneath them. Before he could stop himself, Axel reached out his hand and stroked Roxas' face gently, making the younger close his eyes and sigh happily. The redhead pulled away.

"I'll see you in a couple of days, at school," he said. "I'll come find you!" one of his beautiful smiles was playing on his lips as he was talking. Roxas smiled and nodded his head.

"Bye, Axel…" he said and turned, walking slowly down the bridge the way he'd come running a week earlier.

"Bye Roxas," Axel smiled to himself. Just as the redhead was turning to get back to his apartment, to make sure the rest of his band members weren't tearing the place apart, a rocket was set off from somewhere in the town below. It flew to the sky, and then exploded in a rain of gold and red. Before it was gone, several of other rockets had been set off as well. It was 12 am, and the New Year had officially begun. Casting a glance down the bridge, Axel saw that the blonde had almost stopped his walking to watch the amazing fireworks. Sighing, Axel let a hand brush through his red spikes, before he ran to where the younger boy was standing. Gripping the boy's wrist, he tugged him around gently before he leaned down and placed his lips upon the blonde's.

The kiss was light, sweet and innocent, but still it made Roxas' heart beat so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest. With one hand still curled lightly around the blonde's wrist, Axel used his free hand and cupped Roxas' chin as he pulled away slowly. He looked down at the blonde's flustered face and smiled at the expression Roxas currently had. The boy looked sort of stunned, blinking his cerulean eyes rapidly. Roxas led a hand to his mouth and let his fingers brush gently across his lips. Then he smiled, as if the realization that Axel had kissed him just entered his mind, and he looked up at the redhead. Hesitantly, the blonde wrapped his arms around Axel's neck, pulling him down and kissed him again softly. There was no tongue, no heavy breathing, but still the kiss was deep and full of emotions. Roxas let his fingers run through locks of the older's hair, and he could feel Axel's smile upon his lips.

As the two kissed, the fireworks were still exploding in beautiful colours across the sky. As Roxas pulled away from the redhead and looked up at the sky, he let out a small chuckle. "The fireworks are beautiful," he smiled. "Although they're kind of cliché…"

Axel cupped his chin and turned him towards him again. "I like to think of it as ridiculously romantic," he whispered as he kissed Roxas once more. Then he let go of the blonde and smiled at him. "Good night, Roxas" he said before he turned and walked down the bridge. Roxas stood put and watched the redhead walk away.

"I'll keep my promise…" he said before he turned and walked in the opposite direction of the redhead, smiling happily. From now on, the future seemed a little brighter. Maybe things soon would finally be okay.

-

_AN:__ They finally kissed!! Iiiih!  
I apologize for the lameness of this chapter, but most of it is just FILLER-ish! Before the kiss! I like the kiss! Ih! I'm happy for Roxas! Oh well, I hope you guys liked it –bites lip nervously- Please leave me a review! To celebrate AkuRoku-day :D And remember to wish all random people you may meet 'Happy AkuRoku day' and then they'll stare at you all weirdly and then you get to feel all happy! Now I'll quit my rambling. At least I updated fast ,_

_Fireworks and cookies for reviewers!_


	7. You're Torn Apart

**NOTE:**** This is an UNEDITED version, so please excuse what ever crappy grammar, typos and such there might be. **

**AN:**So, I updated fairly fast again :D I'm SO sorry that this chapter's a little short… But if I was to fill it out more, I think that would've increased it's suckiness… So yeah… Please don't kill me!  
**To Vilde: **Okay sweetie, I said I'd put this in here! I'd like to thank my friend Vilde who stays up half the night, helping me with the plot to this thing! She says she hasn't got anything to do with it when _we_ get good ideas, but she does! So she's great! She just won't believe it herself!  
I think my wonderful beta **Elichi** is a little dead at the moment O.o But she's still a great beta!**  
Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I own some clothes, a cell phone and this keyboard which has to suffer my typing. I also own Vilde and her ideas, but she doesn't know that xD I do not own Kingdom Hearts or its characters, even though I wish I did.  
**Warning:**OOC! There are_ bad_ cases of OOC! And the M-rating is there for a reason! And now it really has to be there! Just beware, okay?

Now, just go read it… Enjoy!

**  
Chapter 7:**

Roxas was smiling as he walked down the sidewalk. No more than fifteen minutes ago, he and Axel had been on Twilight Bridge. The redhead had kissed him, and Roxas could still feel the warmth upon his lips. Letting his hand run lightly on top of a fence, the blonde brushed the snow down. A happy sigh escaped Roxas' lips, as a few late rockets were set off somewhere, exploding in a flash of light.

Roxas could actually say he was looking forwards to Wednesday, when he would go back to school. He would meet Axel again. Now that Roxas had him, Kairi would probably stop her stupid, constant nagging about finding the blonde a girlfriend. Roxas probably wouldn't have to worry about people finding out about him being gay any longer either, now that he had Axel there. The redhead gave him a secure feeling. He knew Axel would make him feel okay, no matter what the others might say. He had to remember to ask the redhead if he could call him his boyfriend. The thought made Roxas let out a small giggle, and a blush spread across his face.

It seemed like forever until Wednesday would come around though, considering he missed the older's warmth and feel of security already.

Turning a corner, the boy walked up the street he lived on. He was hoping Sora was out celebrating New Year's Eve with his boyfriend. If he was lucky, his twin brother would spend the night at Riku's too. As the house came into view, hope lit up inside the blonde. There were no lights in any of the windows, which usually meant the house was empty.

Reaching the front door, Roxas found his own secret spare key. He'd hid it somewhere he knew no one else would find it, so he always could get in even though he'd forgotten his key. Unlocking the front door silently, the blonde listened for sounds in the house. When he heard none, he walked inside and closed the door behind him. Roxas walked up the stairs, still being careful that he made as little sound as possible. Reaching his bedroom door, the blonde pulled out the key and unlocked it. The room looked exactly the same as it'd done on Christmas Eve.

Roxas entered the room, closing the door behind him. He discarded his shoes before he turned the lights on and walked over to his window. He locked it, since it had been unlocked since he ran away, before he pulled the curtains shut. Walking over to his desk, Roxas smiled. He looked down on the drawings he'd done after the party where he first saw Axel. The drawings which reflected the redhead's perfect smile.

Sighing happily again, the blonde bent down and started going through his drawers. He pulled out a couple of blank sheets of paper and a box of coloured pencils. For the first time in ages, Roxas felt like drawing with colours.

-

Walking back towards his apartment, Axel smiled happily. He was so glad he'd decided to walk Roxas to the bridge, even though he'd thought it would've been sadder to say goodbye from there. The redhead had finally bottled up enough courage to kiss the blonde. It was something he'd thought about the last couple of days, and when he first did it had felt so right.

Nearing his apartment building, Axel could see the rest of the members of his band having a snowball fight. Zexion and Demyx had teamed up against Yuffie, and it seemed the black-haired girl was going to win big time. Chuckling as Demyx got hit square in the face, the redhead bent down and gathered snow in his hands, which he formed into a ball. He threw it and hit Zexion, making the emo-boy spin around and scowl at him, before his face turned into a smile.

"Hey Axel," he said as the redhead approached them.

"Axie! You missed our fabulous fireworks!" Demyx said with a pout. Axel chuckled and ruffled said blonde's hair as he shook his head.

"I'll survive," he grinned and started walking towards the door. The three other teens followed him.

"Why are you so happy?" Zexion asked. "Didn't you just walk Roxy home? I thought you'd be at least half-depressed." He raised an eyebrow as Axel turned around and smiled widely at them.

"I'm happy because life's wonderful," he said and walked into his apartment. Demyx's eyes widened.

"Zexy! Call an ambulance! Axel's terribly sick." The blonde grinned at the look the redhead sent him. "So Axel, what on earth happened to make you so happy?" he asked. Said redhead sighed happily and dropped down on the couch. He looked at his friends with a smile.

"I kissed him."

-

Letting his dark blue pencil softly add the last details to his drawing, Roxas smiled as he looked at the paper. A dark sky, a bridge, beautiful fireworks and two boys kissing.

He gently let a finger run over the taller boy on his drawing, before he got up from his seat. The blonde started walking around in his room, opening drawers and rummaging through them, pulling out the sharp objects he could locate, as scissors, razor blades, and small knives. One by one, Roxas threw them angrily in the waste paper bin which was placed under his desk. Having removed all the sharp objects he could recall having in his room, the blonde sat down by his desk again. Roxas bit back a couple of tears he could feel building, before his cerulean eyes fell upon one of the drawings of Axel.

"I said I'd stop," he whispered, a smile crossing his lips.

-

Demyx squealed as he launched himself at Axel, quickly followed by Zexion and Yuffie.

"Oh my gosh, Axie! I _knew _it!" the blonde boy smiled. "I'm so happy for you!" Demyx gave the redhead a hug.

"I knew there had to be something there," Zexion smirked. "I could see it! Well, how did he react?" he asked.

"He kissed me back." Axel said as his smile widened. "But if you'll excuse me, I think I'm soon going to get some sleep," he said. Zexion smiled before he got off the couch, dragging his boyfriend and Yuffie along.

"Okay Axel, we take the hint," he grinned. "You want us out, we understand."

"Yeah, you guys can be a little boring at times," he chuckled. Zexion winked at him as the three started getting ready to leave. After Demyx, Yuffie and Zexion had said their goodbyes and left, Axel locked the door behind his friends with a smile. The redhead walked into his bathroom, getting ready to go to bed.

Ten minutes later Axel entered his bedroom. Crawling into his bed, curling up beneath the covers, he couldn't help feeling a little cold and lonely. He'd grown familiar with the feeling of the little blonde boy's body curled up against him, so now that there was only him lying there, it felt strange. Sighing, Axel rolled onto his back, recalling the way Roxas had shyly snuggled up against him in his sleep. A small smile crossed the redhead's lips. He wouldn't get so much sleep tonight.

-

Roxas lay on his bed, eyes closed, trying to drift off into sleep. His room was dark now, seeing he'd turned off the lights. The blonde sat up after a couple of minutes, not being able to fall asleep. His bed felt strangely unfamiliar, and he missed the feeling of having Axel next to him.

The boy's eyes widened as he heard a key being turned in the front door of the house. He heard the front door being shut and locked again, before there were footsteps in the stairs and two familiar voices speaking. Roxas recognized his brother at once, and the other turned out to be Riku. The two walked past Roxas' bedroom, down the hall and into Sora's.

Roxas frowned. He'd begun to think that he was lucky and that Riku and Sora had decided to spend the night at the older's house. But his luck had to end somewhere, right?

Getting off the bed, Roxas decided to take a shower. He walked into his bathroom and turned the lights on. He discarded his clothes before he turned on the shower, adjusting the warmth to his likes. Stepping into the shower, he let the warm water run down his body.

**-**

Riku met his brunet boyfriend's lips in a rough, passionate kiss. He let his tongue plunder the inside of the younger's hot, wet mouth. The silver-haired boy started unzipping Sora's jeans with one hand as the other one found its way beneath the boy's shirt. Sora slowly pulled away from the older.

"What is it?" Riku asked. The brunet looked shyly at him.

"I-it's just… This is going a bit too fast. I don't know if I'm ready yet," Sora said in a low voice. The older snorted and sat back on Sora's bed.

"You keep saying that, Sora!" he muttered. "When are you going to _be_ ready?" Riku asked his boyfriend. Sora sat up and pulled his knees to his chest.

"Do you love me?" he asked silently. Riku looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Do you?" Sora asked again.

"What are you talking about Sora?" the older asked with a sigh. Sora shrugged.

"I just asked if you loved me… I don't want to sleep with anyone if all they want is to get it over with and leave me…" he said. Riku shook his head slowly.

"Sora, I've told you I love you hundreds of times," he said. Sora's blue eyes met Riku's teal ones.

"But have you ever really meant it?" the brunet asked, his voice beginning to shake. Riku snorted again and crossed his arms over his chest. Sora felt his eyes sting as tears built up in them. "I had a feeling that all you wanted was to sleep with me, Riku," Sora whispered as a tear rolled down his face. "I don't want to do that with someone who doesn't love me for real..." the brunet said. Riku stood up and turned towards the younger on the bed.

"Then why don't you just go out and find yourself a pretty little girl who loves you, and get married to the slut! Go and find someone to fucking sleep with who loves you for _real_! But guess what, Sora! It is not going to be me!" Riku yelled in rage. "It's over! I've wasted too much time on you!" He finished, before he left the brunet's room and slammed the door shut behind him. Sora lay with his head buried in his pillow, so that it muffled his heartbroken sobs. It didn't take long before he'd cried himself to sleep.

-

Riku walked angrily down the hall. He couldn't believe that Sora had said no to sleeping with him. It made no sense whatsoever. There were so many girls _and_ guys who would die for the opportunity to do that. It just made him so mad. He had really thought that he was going to do it with Sora tonight, and it frustrated him so much.

Hearing the sound of running water, Riku stopped outside a door that he knew led to Roxas' bedroom. He slowly opened the door and stepped into the dark room. Riku looked at another door in the room, where the sound of water was coming from. A smirk ran across his lips as he closed the door silently behind him, leaving the room in complete darkness.

-

Roxas let the water wash away all traces of soap and shampoo on his body. After a while he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He dried himself with a soft towel before he wrapped it around his hips. The blonde looked at his reflection in the mirror and gently ran the fingers on his right hand across his left arm. His newest cuts were beginning to fade into scars. The bruises scattered around his torso were also a lot smaller, fading as well.

The blonde smiled softly. He couldn't stop thinking about Axel, and the kiss from earlier that night. It had sent shivers down his spine like nothing else. It had made his heart beat so fast. Roxas couldn't believe that he'd actually found someone that cared about him, who wanted to hold him, and kiss him and tell him everything would be alright.

Smiling again, Roxas turned the bathroom lights off and went into his bedroom. He turned on the lamp on his nightstand, making the room slightly dimmed in a warm light. The blonde walked over to his dresser. As he pulled a drawer out, someone's arm slid around the blonde's waist from behind. Roxas' breath hitched as he was pulled close to another's body.

"Hello Roxas," Riku purred gently into the younger's ear. The blonde tensed as the older's hands brushed over the towel that hung loosely on his hips.

"R-Riku, what are you doing?" he asked with shaking voice. The older chuckled lightly.

"Oh, nothing…" Riku whispered as he slid a hand inside the towel. Roxas tried to get free from the other boy's grip, but Riku was stronger.

"L-let go of me!" the blonde whimpered. The older loosened his grip and stepped back with a smirk. "I think you should leave…" Roxas said quickly as he walked over to his door. He tried to open it, only to find it locked. Reaching for the key, Roxas' fingers curled around nothing but air. He spun around to look at the older, fear flashing in his cerulean eyes.

"Where is the key?" he asked. Riku just shook his head, still smirking, and started closing the distance between the younger and himself. Roxas backed up against the wall.

"You know Roxas, I've always though you are cuter than Sora," Riku said seductively as he cornered the blonde. Roxas shook his head.

"Riku, stop it," he said pleadingly. Riku let his hands loosen the towel the blonde was wearing, causing the blonde to whimper. The older forcefully smashed his lips to Roxas' in a hard kiss. It was nothing like the kiss with Axel. This was emotionless and cold. The intensity of it soon made Roxas taste blood, making him whimper once more. The blonde turned his head away, breaking the kiss.

"Stop!" he said, breath hitching again. The older snorted and pulled the t-shirt he was wearing over his head. He cupped the younger's chin in his hand and made the blonde kiss him again. Roxas tried to push the other away, but to no use. Riku outclassed him in strength. The silver-haired boy loosened his belt.

"I think that fucking you would be even more enjoyable than fucking Sora," Riku panted into the blonde's ear. Roxas let out a small frightened sound.

"N-no, Riku!" he begged. Riku snorted and pushed the blonde against the bed. He placed himself on top, pinning the smaller down. Fear boiled inside the blonde, and his breath started fastening. Riku looked at the younger in the dim light. The blonde's sapphire held a pleading look. Riku's eyes fell upon the cuts and scars on Roxas' arm. He snickered.

"Ah, like the feeling of a bleeding wound, do we?" he asked the blonde teasingly. Roxas' eyes were stinging familiarly. Riku let his hand brush down the blonde's arm, a sadistic smile playing on his lips.

"I would never have thought that you would do this Roxas," he chuckled. Riku leaned in close to the younger's face. "But it looks like it's been a while since last time, so why don't we have some fun?" he asked. Roxas' cerulean eyes widened. Smirking, Riku slipped a hand down the pocket of his pants, and fished out a small pocket-knife. The older flipped it open before he leaned down and whispered in Roxas' ear.

"Tell me, Roxas. Does it turn you on to feel the cold blade cutting your skin?" he asked in a deep lust filled voice. Roxas shook his head as a tear descended from his eye. Riku bit down on the younger's earlobe, causing Roxas to whimper again. Riku sat back up and pinned the blonde's hands above his head with one hand. Riku pressed the blade of the knife against the skin on Roxas' left arm. With a slow motion he dragged it down the blonde's arm, cutting the skin open. Roxas hissed and let out a small cry of pain.

"Riku, _stop_," he cried. Riku smirked at him and shook his head. The older left a long cut on the younger's arm. Riku chuckled at the sight of the tears that ran down the blonde's face and started a new cut in another direction. Several times Roxas tried to get away from Riku, but the older had pinned him securely to the bed. Riku left over half a dozen cuts of different sizes on the boys arm before he stopped and tossing the blood covered knife away. Roxas could feel the crimson liquid run down his arm and hit the sheets. Riku discarded the rest of his clothes, revealing his erect member. The silver-haired boy's fingers curled around Roxas' manhood, causing the blonde to let out an uncomfortable gasp. Riku started pumping him slowly. As more tears descended from Roxas' eyes and every part of his mind was screaming no, his body reacted to Riku's doings and the blonde could feel himself hardening. The older grinned at this, and bent down to whisper in the younger's ear again.

"So you like it?" he teased. Roxas clamped his eyes shut and shook his head. Riku chuckled and let go of the younger's member.

"Turn around" he demanded. The blonde's eyes opened wide, staring at the boy on top of him.

"Please don't do this Riku!" he begged, hoping that Riku would stop.

"Turn around" Riku repeated. The blonde's cerulean eyes filled with a mix of hate and fear.

"I don't want to," Roxas breathed out. At this the older slapped the blonde's face with the back of his hand. Roxas gasped in pain, and more tears rolled down his face. He did a new attempt of getting loose from Riku's grip, but it still didn't help. The blonde shut his eyes tightly as Riku slapped him again.

"Fine, have it your way, Roxas!" Riku growled and pulled back slightly. He forced the younger's legs apart, so that he fit between them. He placed his hardened member at the younger's entrance. Riku cast the blonde one more lust-filled glance before he pushed hard into Roxas. The boy cried out in pain as he felt the older's cock forcing its way into him. It felt like someone tried to tear him apart from the inside.

"S-stop!" Roxas cried. "It h-hurts so much," he whimpered. Riku ignored the younger's pleas and started moving his hips. He pushed into the younger as hard as he could. Roxas didn't know what to do but cry. The pain was overwhelming. Every time Riku pushed inside him, a jolt of pain shot through the blonde's body, each worse than the last one. It felt like something was ripping inside him, and Roxas could feel a warm liquid drip out of him and making its way down to the sheets. The metallic scent in the room grew stronger, and Roxas realized that he was bleeding.

Riku was thrusting faster and deeper into the younger each time. The older's breath was getting heavier, and he let out small moans now and then. The pain Roxas felt grew stronger, and every time he thought it was fading, it just came back, only worse. The blonde shut his eyes tightly. He didn't want to look at the other. Riku moaned loudly as he spilled his semen into the other boy. Roxas just lay still, hot tears streaming from his closed eyes. He could feel Riku's member being pulled out of him, still the pain and stinging lingered. Riku got up and walked over to the towel Roxas had been using earlier. He picked it up and cleaned himself off, before he got dressed. The blonde lay on his bed, not moving an inch.

"Thanks for the ride, sweetie!" the silver-haired boy chuckled. The blonde looked up with an empty expression in his teary blue eyes.

"I hate you," he managed to choke out, hardly possible to hear.

"Good," the older snorted. Riku came over and leaned in, close to the younger's ear. "If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you," he threatened, before he pulled the key to Roxas' door out of his pocket, and left the room, closing the door behind him. The blonde heard the front door shut.

Roxas looked desperately at the cuts Riku had left on his arm. Some of them we're really deep, deeper than he'd ever cut himself. They'd bled a lot too, leaving a huge blood-stain on Roxas' bed. It looked horrible. As he tried to get his breath steady, Roxas started to realize what had just happened to him. As new panic dawned upon him, the blonde tried to sit up in his bed, but the jolts of pain shooting through his body were too much to handle. So Roxas just lay there on his bed, trembling, unable to do anything but cry his silent tears.

-

_AN:__ …Oh dear… Poor Roxas… I'm mean -.- Riku is evil! Gah! Anyways, please review! I love the reviews! I can't survive or keep writing without them! Thank you to all the people who read this! _

_Cookies for reviewers!_


	8. Into Pieces

**AN:** I am SO sorry that I'm such a slow writer! And I'm so sorry that this took ages! But now it's up! For those of you waiting for Good Enough; I'm going to update that soon too!  
Sorry about my slowness!  
Oh my gosh! Last chapter made this story break a hundred reviews! –celebrates- A HUNDRED!! Yeah, you're thinking "What's a hundred reviews? Pfft!" But it still means a LOT to me! Thank you so much!

**Happy late Zemyx day! I hope you all remembered it!**

**Vilde: **Stop denying that I owe you at least half the credit for this story! Without you I'd sit here without any ideas! You're more important than you know, sweetie!

And now, let's all welcome **Andrew**! He's going to beta my stuff until he, too, dies on me! But I know where he lives! -evil laughter- Thank you for pushing me to write, and for talking to me in the mornings x)  
**Andy's **_**little**_** note: **-Psht You do NOT know where I live!! Canada is a BiiiiG Place!!! I am selling axelberry pie for 1 million dollars per square inch You CANNOT give it away Siljeeeeeee!!!!!!!  
**Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I own my story, I own Andrew, I own Vilde, I own Andrew's obsession with Axelberry pie, I own a lot of other stuff too, but I do _not_ own the characters or Kingdom Hearts in any way!  
**Warning:** -pokes rating- Yup! This chapter in particular ain't that bad though… Just a tad bit angsty…

Enjoy, loves.

**Chapter 8:**

Monday morning, Roxas woke around 11 am. Slowly, he opened his cerulean eyes and looked hazily around his room. It took the blonde a moment before he realized that he was in his own bed. Just as he sat up, the burning ache in his body dawned upon him.

With the pain, the memories of last night flooded into his mind, all at once. Clutching a hand to his forehead, the blonde shut his eyes tightly and got up from the bed. A terrible dizziness struck him, and the jolts of pain shooting through his body made it hard to stand. Roxas' head was spinning, and he could feel his stomach turning. Stumbling to his bathroom, the boy barley made it before he gagged. Having rid himself of the little his stomach had contained, Roxas stood up and flushed before he went over to the sink and rinsed his mouth. Casting his reflection in the mirror a glance, his heart sunk.

His hair was a mess, the usually spikey locks lying flat and out of shape. Roxas felt tears build in his eyes as he looked at his face. He was pale, with droplets of sweat on his forehead and dark circles forming below his eyes. On the left side of his face, beneath his eye, a bruise was forming where Riku had hit him. Cerulean eyes wandered to his left arm, and Roxas felt a new wave of sickness wash over him. The blonde's arm was drenched with dried blood, from the several cuts.

Sobbing, Roxas turned his head away. He couldn't handle the sight of himself anymore. He felt filthy, wrong and disgusting. He turned the shower on, feeling a desperate need to clean himself. Stepping into the shower, Roxas hissed loudly as the warmth hit his arm. It stung fiercely, and the blonde turned the heat down to ease it. The boy spent a couple of minutes cleaning his arm, trying to ignore the pain. Roxas reached for his bottle of shower cream, only to drop it on the floor. As he bent over to pick it up, jolts of fresh pain shot through Roxas' body. Dropping to his knees, the boy sobbed and wrapped his arms around his abdomen, the water falling on his back.

What was he going to do? Roxas felt so lost, so broken and fallen. He'd never thought that he would lose his virginity like that. He'd never thought it would be with someone he didn't love and care about. He'd thought it would be with someone like Axel. Roxas inhaled sharply.

Axel… He had barely thought about the redhead since last night. What would he say? Roxas couldn't tell him what had happened. Riku said he'd kill him, and Roxas was pretty sure that Riku was capable of just that if he got mad. What if Axel saw the blonde's arm?

Hot tears streamed down his face. He'd promised Axel just two nights ago that he'd never cut himself again. He couldn't let Axel see the cuts Riku had left on him. Not when he couldn't tell what happened. Axel would think the boy did it to himself. Roxas didn't want the older to think he'd broken his promise.

Roxas sat like that, crying, until the water running over his body turned cold. He got up, turned the water off and dried himself with a towel. The blonde was trembling, and finding difficulties walking, due to the pain which still lingered in his body. He made his way back into the bedroom. He went over to his wardrobe and carefully, as to not make the stinging in his body worse, slid on a pair of boxers. Walking over to his bed, he pulled away the covers and let out a small gasp. His sheet was covered with stains of dried blood. Growling, Roxas grabbed the sheet and pulled it off the bed. He threw it in a lump in a corner, before he walked over to his closet and pulled out a new one. Having put it on the bed, the blonde collapsed on the soft fabric, breathing heavily. He was so exhausted, the pain draining him for whatever energy left in him. Roxas grabbed his pillow and hugged it tightly to his body, burying his face in it, crying silently.

He spent the rest of the Monday in bed.

-

Smiling, Axel rung Zexion's doorbell. Him, Demyx, Zexion and Yuffie had decided to have a band-rehearsal today, and Axel couldn't have been in a better mood. Zexion opened the door, arching an eyebrow at the redhead. "Wow Axel, you managed to ring my doorbell without raping it! I'm impressed," he joked. Axel just snickered and walked past the short emo-boy, into the large house. Walking into the living room, Axel greeted the two other occupants. Yuffie and Demyx grinned at his as he put down his guitar on the couch.

"Hey Ax-el," Yuffie grinned. "How's my favourite fag?" she asked sweetly. Demyx poked her with a pout.

"I thought _I_ was your favourite fag," he said, seemingly hurt. Yuffie chuckled.

"Demyx, you haven't been my favourite fag since before you put _pink _hair_-_dye in my shampoo," the girl said with a scowl.

"But I thought you _wanted _pink hair," Demyx said in defence, making everyone laugh. Axel opened his guitar-bag and pullet out a couple of sheets of paper.

"What's that?" Zexion asked. Axel grinned widely.

"This," he said and held the papers up. "Is our new song." Grinning, Demyx reached for the papers.

"You wrote a new song Axel?" he asked excitedly. Zexion rolled his eyes.

"He just said that he did, silly." Grinning at his boyfriend's stupidity, Zexion took the papers from Axel, reading the lyrics scribbled down alongside the music. After finishing, he looked up and smiled at the redhead.

"You've written this to Roxas, haven't you?" he asked. Axel nodded, a small blush appearing on his face. "It's good! I just hope we can get it rehearsed before our concert-thing," he said and gave the papers back to the redhead. The redhead arched an eyebrow at the lilac-haired boy.

"_Concert_?" he asked in shock. Zexion grinned.

"Yeah. This guy looking for new bands saw us at the school party we played at, and now he wants us to come and play a couple of songs at a place he owns. It's a really popular place too." Smiling, the emo-boy went over to hiss bass-guitar and picked it up.

"When?" Axel asked.

"In two weeks from Saturday. It's the 20th…" Demyx smiled. Axel's emerald eyes grew wide.

"What?!" he asked sceptically. Zexion nodded. "When were you planning on telling me?" the redhead asked.

"I just did," Zexion grinned. "Now, let's rehearse!" he plugged his bass into the stereo rigged in the livingroom. The other teens found their instruments and places as well, before they started playing.

-

Roxas didn't leave his room before around 3 pm Tuesday. He pulled on a pair of loose sweat-pants and an old tee, before he walked out of his room. He slowly walked down the stairs. Walking into the livingroom, the boy froze. His brother was sitting curled up on the couch, hugging a pillow to his chest, drinking a cup of something seemingly hot. Roxas was about to turn and walk back up to his room when Sora spoke.

"You're not even going to say hello to me?" he muttered. The blonde spun around and looked at his brother.

"So now you want me to say hello? I thought you hated me," he said coldly. Sora shrugged.

"I never said that." He sipped his warm liquid and stared at the floor.

"Shouldn't you be out somewhere with…" Roxas paused, not being able to say Riku's name. "…your boyfriend?" he finished. Sora froze, before he started trembling and put the cup down on the table.

"N-no… He couldn't t-today," Sora stammered before he let out a low sob. "H-he broke up with me," Sora said and buried his face in his hands. Roxas felt cold. His brother was sitting and crying right in front of him, over the guy who'd raped the blonde. It was the first time in years Sora had shown Roxas any direct feelings. Unsure of what he was to do, the blonde walked over to the couch, sitting down next to the brunet. He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, trying to find something to say. Suddenly, Sora turned and wrapped his arms around his brother's waist, burying his face in the blonde's chest. Roxas was taken aback from his brother's sudden change of heart. Sora looked up at his brother, two pairs of identical sapphire eyes meeting.

"He's not worth you crying over him, Sora… Riku is a jerk," the blonde said, trying to make the brunet feel a little better.

"H-he wanted to…" Sora muttered between his sobs. "He wanted to s-sleep with me. And when I said I wasn't ready, he snapped and left."

Roxas heart sunk. So that's why Riku came into his room, and did what he did.

"Roxas…" Sora huffed. "I'm so sorry…" he said and pulled his brother into a hug. "I'm so sorry for the way I've behaved since Leon moved out. I never wanted for us to drift apart, and I'm so sorry for everything," he squeezed the blonde tighter. Swallowing the lump building in his throat, Roxas finally wrapped his arms around his brother.

"It's… it's okay Sora," he said. The brunette pulled away and shook his head.

"No, it's not okay! You should never forgive me…" he said sadly. "But I don't want you to hate me anymore…" he lowered his gaze to the floor again. "I'm going to tell dad to stop yelling so much at you … I know he does that," Sora said and wiped his face with the sleeve of his sweater. "He hits you, doesn't he…?" the brunet asked lowly, looking at his brother again. The blonde hesitated, looking away. "I know he has…" Sora muttered. "I'm so sorry Roxas." The brunet launched himself at his twin again, hugging him tighter than ever. Roxas winced at the ache still burning in him. "Can you forgive me?" Sora asked. The other let out a sigh. He wasn't sure if Sora was for real or not. Maybe he just did this as an act of desperation.

"I'll try…" Roxas muttered, making his brother look up with a smile.

"Thank you," he whispered, before his eyes landed on the bruise below Roxas' eye. "Roxas, what happened to you?" he asked in shock. Roxas automatically raised a hand to cover his black eye.

"I… Walked into a door," he said sheepishly. Sora smiled, obviously buying it.

"That's so like you to d-" the brunet's eyes moved to his brother's arm. Sora's eyes widened and he clasped a hand over his mouth. Roxas, noticing what Sora was looking at, cursed himself for forgetting to put on an armsock. He could see a couple of tears well up in his brother's eyes. "Roxas, did you do that?" the brunet breathed out. Roxas looked down. He couldn't tell Sora the truth.

"I…" he sighed. Sora looked at him with a caring expression.

"It's dangerous, Rox!" he said. "You shouldn't… though I'm not the one to tell you not to… I guess I'm reason for some of them," Sora said sadly. Roxas wrapped his arms around the brunet again. The two brothers sat like that for a while, just holding each other.

Later that night, when Roxas walked back up the stairs to his room, he wondered: Were he and Sora finally going to bond again?

-

When Roxas woke Wednesday morning, 6 am, he seriously considered staying home. His body ached like never before, and outside it was dark, cold and snowing. It wasn't before Sora entered his room at 7, asking what he would like for breakfast, that the blonde finally got up. Roxas walked over to his wardrobe, slowly due to the pain, and pulled out a couple of garments. He slowly got into the pair of loose, black jeans he'd chosen to wear. The blonde pulled on a plain black sweater, before he went into his bathroom to get ready.

Ten minutes later, Roxas made his way down the stairs, yawning as he entered the kitchen. Sora smiled at him and put a plate down at the table. "I made breakfast…" he said hesitantly. Roxas gave him a weak smile and sat down. Not really feeling like eating, the blonde ate slowly, taking small mouthfuls.

"Not hungry?" Sora asked. Roxas shook his head, putting down his fork. Sora smiled at him. "You should try and eat some though…" he said, starting on his own food. After 15 minutes the boys were finished. Roxas had hardly touched his food all the while. Sora got up and looked worriedly at his brother. "Are you alright, Roxas?" he asked. The blonde nodded, looking away.

"Yeah… Just a little tired," he looked up with a weak smile. "I'll see you at school." He left the kitchen and walked up to his room to get his book bag, jacket and shoes. He pulled on the pair of red Converse, put his jacket on and threw the book bag over his shoulder, before he left his room again, locking it. Roxas cast a glance at the clock on the wall. He could've waited ten minutes before he left for school, but he didn't see any reason to. If he did, Roxas would probably meet Hayner on the way, and he really didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

Walking out the front door, he hid his spare key where he'd found it Sunday night. Then he walked down the driveway, huffing as the January cold started eating away at his skin. Pulling his jacket closer to his body, he sighed. The sun hadn't risen yet, so the street lights were still on. Roxas hated winter.

-

About 25 minutes later, Roxas reached Twilight Town High School. There weren't so many students there yet, seeing there was still another twenty minutes to go until the bell rung. Normally, Roxas would never have arrived school this early. He often put Hayner and himself in danger of being late in the mornings, rather than be one of the few early risers.

Roxas entered the school building, making his way to homeroom. The room was of course empty. He hadn't expected anyone to show up now anyway. The blonde walked all the way to the back of the room and sat down, by the window. Pulling his notebook and pencil case out of his book bag, Roxas started sketching on an empty page. The lines his pencil left on the paper were sharp, almost cutting through. After about ten minutes the door opened and some of Roxas' classmates entered.

"Oi, Roxas," a familiar voice called across the room. Said blonde raised his head, looking at the boy who'd addressed him. Hayner made his way through the room, taking the seat next to Roxas. "What's up? I've called you like thousand times, but you never answered! I was starting to worry," the other blonde grinned. Roxas smiled weakly at him.

"Sorry… Haven't really checked my phone lately," he said in a dull voice. Hayner's grin grew wider.

"So, how was your Christmas? I got this _awesome_ new computer! It's really cool," Hayner just rambled on, and Roxas really didn't pay attention anymore. He stared out the window, thinking about nothing in particular. Then it hit him. Axel had said he would come find him today. Roxas swallowed thickly. He didn't know if he could face Axel right now. Actually, he didn't want to meet anyone right now. Coming to school had been a bad idea. Groaning, Roxas lay his head on his desk, forcing himself to bite back the tears threatening to fall. He had to stop crying so much.

-

The first periods went by in a blur. Roxas couldn't manage to pay attention. He didn't want to. All he wanted to was to go home and bury himself in his bed, until the world had forgotten him. When the bell signalling lunch rang, Hayner came and waved his hand in front of his friend's face, making the blonde jump.

"Roxas, what's with you today? You seem totally out of it!" he stated. Roxas shrugged.

"I'm just a little… worn out," he muttered.

"Oh well… But come on, let's go have lunch!" the other blonde smiled. Roxas packed his bad and got up, wincing at the stinging coming from his lower back. How long was the pain going to last before it went away?

On their way to the canteen, the two boys met up with Tidus, Kairi, Pence, Olette and Naminé. Kairi sent a scowl towards Roxas. She was probably still mad about what he'd said to her that day on the ice skating course. Not that Roxas cared. As the seven teens entered the canteen, which was filled with freshmen and sophomores, seeing the juniors and seniors had a later lunch break, Roxas came to a halt. His cerulean eyes landed on a pack of teens sitting by a table at the other end of the room. The silver hair of one of the teens was easy to recognize.

Roxas could feel the fear and hatred building up inside him as he saw Riku. Quickly, the blonde turned and left the canteen again. He couldn't bear being in the same room as that person. He didn't want to see him again, ever. Roxas hurried through the hallway, his breath unsteady and gaze lowered to the floor. The blonde stumbled into the boys' room. Walking over to one of the sinks, he turned it on and splashed some cold water in his face. Roxas took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together.

"Roxy!" he heard a familiar voice squeal before he was being hugged by another blonde. Demyx smiled brightly at the younger. "I've missed you,"

Roxas did his best to flash Demyx a smile. "Hi Demyx," he said. The older grinned at him.

"Oh my gosh, I totally heard about you and Axie! And I totally knew it!" Demyx squealed before he hugged Roxas again. Letting go of the smaller blonde, Demyx suddenly looked a bit more serious. "Roxie, are you feeling alright? You're kind of pale, and _what_ happened to your face?" the blonde sounded concerned. Roxas smiled weakly.

"I'm just feeling a little off today… And I walked into a door," he lied. He wasn't feeling 'a little off' at all. He felt like hell, but he wasn't going to tell Demyx that.

"Oh, I hope you get better!" Demyx said and his face returned to its normal, happy state. "Hey, Axel is looking forwards to seeing you today! He hasn't been thinking about anything else, but don't tell him I said that, 'cause then he's going to kill me! Anyways, I have to get back, or Mr. Sephiroth will kill me! He's creepy that man… So see you later, Roxy," Demyx smiled widely and pecked Roxas quickly on the cheek before he turned and bounced through the door. Roxas exhaled, his breath shaking again. He couldn't face Axel. Those beautiful, knowing emerald eyes of his would see right though him. He would know there was something wrong at once, and he would ask Roxas to tell him why. And Roxas couldn't tell Axel what had happened. He didn't want to hurt the redhead. He couldn't.

The blonde made his way out of the bathroom again. He jumped as he felt a hand touch his shoulder. "Roxas?" a sweet voice said. Roxas turned to see Naminé standing there, a small, shy smile on her lips. She looked at him with bright, sapphire eyes. "Is everything alright? You just disappeared, and I just wanted to check on you…" she bit her lip nervously as she spoke. Roxas sighed.

"I… I'm fine… Thanks Naminé…" he said. She smiled warmly.

"Sure… But are you not hungry?" the girl asked. Roxas shook his head.

"No… I don't feel so good, and I'm not sure if I would manage to keep it down," he muttered.

"Oh," Naminé said before she raised a hand and touched the blonde boy's forehead. "You're a little warm, and you look a little pale. Maybe you should go home?" she suggested, before she grabbed his hand and led him down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Roxas asked the girl. She turned to him with another smile.

"The nurse's office. We'll have her send you home… You don't have to stay here if you don't feel good," she said. The two teens came to a halt in front of a door.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Roxas asked suddenly, stopping the girl from knocking on the door. She looked at him.

"I want to be your friend, Roxas," she said in the same sweet voice. "Kairi wanted me to try and hook up with you at that Christmas party, remember? I'm sorry it became awkward…" she gave him an apologetic look.

"Did you tell Kairi why…" Roxas didn't finish the sentence. Naminé shook her head.

"No, it's none of her business unless you wanted to tell her yourself… But I still want you as a friend, if that's okay with you," she said. Roxas smiled weakly at her.

"…I'd like that," he said, before the blonde girl knocked the door in front of them.

-

The nurse sent Roxas home, telling him to get some rest and see if he felt better in the morning. The blonde got home, going straight to his room and collapsing on his bed. It didn't take him much time to fall asleep.

-

Roxas woke a couple of hours later as there was a rough knocking on his door. He got out of bed and walked over and opened it, sending his brother a questioning look. The brunet looked upset. Pushing past the blonde, Sora made his way into the room. Roxas turned to look at the brunette, who had his back towards his brother. "Sora? What-"

The brunette cut him off. "What were you doing Sunday night, Roxas?" Sora asked in a hoarse voice. Roxas felt his heart skip a beat as his breath hitched. The brunet turned to face him. "Because I've heard some rumours," his voice was shaking. Roxas' eyes widened. It couldn't be…

"Sora, it's not..." Roxas started, but he didn't find anything to say.

"I heard from Reno that Riku had said something about him and you…" Sora muttered. "Did you sleep with Riku?" the brunette demanded. Roxas swallowed thickly. "Did you?!" Sora asked again, and walked a little closer to his brother. Roxas didn't answer, looking at the floor. "You did," Sora gasped. Roxas shook his head, feeling tears building. The brunet walked up close to his brother, raised his hand and slapped Roxas across the face. The blonde hissed lowly at the stinging. "You're such a slut, Roxas!" Sora yelled, his sapphire eyes gleaming with rage. "It's your entire fault that he broke up with me! If you hadn't been such a whore, he wouldn't have! I hate you!" he screamed before he turned to leave the room. In the doorway he turned to face the blonde again. Roxas didn't say anything. "You know what? I hope you cut yourself too deep and bleed to death! You deserve it! Fuck you, Roxas! Fuck you."

The brunette slammed the door shut, and Roxas could hear him stomping down the hallway to his own room. Roxas locked the door before he let a low sob pass his lips. Stalking back to his bed, the blonde lay down, burying his face in his pillow.

He just wanted to disappear.

_  
__AN:__ I'm sorry that this chapter sucks badly on so many levels! I'm not going to use much more space here. I'm just going to ask you all to please keep leaving me your lovely reviews :) I love them so much, and each review means so much!! Thank you to all my readers!  
_

___Andy's Corner :D : This is different from AndI 's corner! This is AndY 's Corner :D. I say that this chapter would've been better if Sora was nicer!!! Read and Review Please! Or else Silje will kill me:(_

___Cookies and a slice of Axelberry Pie for reviewers! _


	9. Through Pain

**AN:** I am slow T.T I am in fact so slow that I'm in danger of getting run over by snails! That's how slow I am! And I feel like a bad person right now for being so slow, it's not even funny. I'm just thankful that you all have the patience to cope with me! So thank you a lot! **  
Vilde: **This still wouldn't be a real story if I didn't have you to help me through my stupid writer blocks! So stop arguing! You are important for my writing!

Thank you for** 10 000 hits**, **79 favs** and **94 alerts**! It means the world to me!**  
**  
Huge thanks to my beta, **Andrew**! He rocks :D  
**Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I STILL don't own Kingdom Hearts… It's annoying! And I don't own 30 Seconds to Mars either... Which is sad... I'd like to own them!  
**Warning:** Well… We've been through this before… Roxas cries a lot… I like to make him cry… Yes, I'm a bad person T.T

**Chapter 9:  
**  
Axel ran a hand through his crimson spikes, a puff of smoke brushing over his lips as he sighed. He was sitting on Zexion's back porch, his emerald eyes sweeping across the emo-boy's snow covered garden. Taking another drag of the cigarette balanced between his fingers, the redhead didn't pay attention to the blonde sitting down beside him.

"I thought you'd stopped smoking…" Demyx said gently. His eyes were concerned. Axel had stopped smoking about six months ago, but right now he'd really felt the need of a cigarette to calm him down.

"I have…" Axel muttered, a new cloud of smoke leaving his parted lips.

"What's wrong Axel?" the blonde asked. He reached out and snatched the cigarette from Axel, stubbing it out. The redhead frowned before he rested his head in the palm of his right hand.

"I couldn't find him…I think he's avoiding me." Axel sighed once more. The redhead was frustrated and confused. He'd looked for Roxas at school earlier that day, but he hadn't been able to locate him. Demyx laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Why would he be avoiding you?" he asked caringly. The taller boy shook his head.

"Maybe I freaked him out. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him!" he huffed. "But if that freaked him out, why did he kiss me back?" Axel asked frustrated.

"I'm sure he's not avoiding you, Axel!" Demyx said reassuringly. "I know that boy likes you, just as much as you like him! Don't worry about it." He smiled at Axel when the redhead looked at him. "And I think maybe Roxas went home yesterday or something… I met him when they had lunch break, and he looked a little sick! You'll find him tomorrow," the blonde smiled and pecked Axel's cheek lightly. He got up and reached his hand out for Axel to take. The redhead hoisted himself up with Demyx's help. "Don't worry about it," the blonde smiled.

"Thanks…" Axel muttered with a small smile. Demyx nodded happily before the two re-entered Zexion's house to continue their band practise.

-

When his alarm went off at 7 am Thursday morning, Roxas slowly sat up in his bed. His head felt heavy. He hadn't slept for long, three hours tops. The blonde had lied there, crying into his pillow, until he finally fell asleep due to exhaustion. Groaning, he got up and made his way to the bathroom. He would rather stay home today, but he didn't dare. His parents would be home today, for sure, and he didn't want to face them.

After taking a shower, Roxas looked at himself in the mirror. He was relieved to see that the bruise beneath his eye was nowhere near as bad looking as it'd been the last couple of days. At least it was fading away. The boy was glad that the pain in his body, too, was starting to fade. It still hurt awfully at times, but it was not the constant aching anymore. The blonde shifted his gaze to his arm, quickly looking away again. It still looked like hell. Leaving his bathroom, Roxas suppressed the urge to cry. Those cuts would leave horrible scars. What worried Roxas the most was Axel. He couldn't tell Axel the truth. He couldn't tell anyone the truth. The blonde was so shameful, he felt so filthy. He didn't want anyone to know. If Axel knew he would probably tell Roxas he didn't have any interests in seeing him anymore.

Roxas didn't want that. He had never thought that he would actually be able to fall in love, but he had. And now he was avoiding the person he'd fallen for. Because the truth would make Axel hate him for sure.

Roxas walked over to his wardrobe, pulling out a pair of black boxers and some blue jeans. After he'd put them on, he found a plain, black, turtleneck sweater and pulled it on as well. Sighing, Roxas started rummaging through his wardrobe again, finding a thin, navy sweater. He had P.E. today. He really didn't feel like running, but the teacher was an evil man, who would gladly give the students detention if they didn't have a fantastically good reason not to participate in class. Anyway, people would ask too many questions if he sat on the benches. He stuffed the sweater into his bag. There was no way he was going to use the school's regular t-shirt in P.E. today. His teacher had flipped last time Roxas had worn an armsock, and he didn't want that again.

Roxas decided to leave, even though he'd be too early for class. He didn't want to bump into Sora, and knowing his brother, the brunet was still in the shower. Roxas grabbed his jacket and bag, before putting on his shoes and leaving his room and locking it as quietly as he managed. He succeeded in walking out of the house unnoticed. Roxas shrugged as the morning cold hit his face. He started walking in the direction of the school, not really remembering why he had bothered to get out of bed.

-

Roxas got to school ten minutes before school start. With his gaze at the ground, Roxas didn't notice the blonde girl who walked up next to him. She laid a hand on his arm, causing the boy to jump slightly. "Hi Roxas," Naminé said. He gave her a weak smile in return. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks…" he said. She smiled warmly at him.

"What do you have first period?" the girl asked, obviously wanting to be friendly. Roxas found himself happy that she was there. She didn't ask any questions he didn't know how to answer, and she kept him company. He'd rather not be alone. What if he bumped into Sora? Or Riku… A cold shiver ran down Roxas' spine, and he felt a sting of fear. What would happen if he met Riku? "Roxas?" Naminé asked, her voice giving off a hint of concern.

"Oh, sorry… Spaced out a little," Roxas huffed. "I've got History…"

"Me too," the girl smiled. "Want to walk over there together?" she asked. Roxas nodded, and the two entered the school building.

-

Roxas didn't find himself able to focus on what the teacher said today either. He was tired due to his lack of sleep, and he had to fight to keep himself awake at times. First period went by quickly, much to Roxas' dismay. He didn't want to have P.E.

Roxas walked with Naminé to the locker rooms. He didn't want to walk the hallways alone. Roxas' eyes were constantly sweeping across the hallway. He was relieved that the seniors mostly had classes in another building. He wouldn't know what to say if he met Axel. The blonde felt terrible for avoiding him. What did it make Axel think when Roxas kept avoiding him?

Naminé went into the girls' locker rooms, and Roxas entered the boys'. Roxas walked over to his locker, half-heartedly greeting the other boys who were already there.

The blonde opened his locker and pulled out his P.E. uniform. He quickly changed into his shorts, before he dug through his bag to find the navy sweater he'd brought. Silently, he walked into the bathroom, where he changed sweaters. He couldn't let anyone see his arm. He just couldn't. Walking back to his locker, Roxas stuffed his things inside, before he locked it and disappeared into the gymnastics hall.

P.E. was harder than usual. Every time Roxas tried running a little, the still lingering ache in his body decided it wanted to kick in. The teacher has also frowned and loudly commented Roxas' "interesting choice of clothing." But at least no one asked directly about it.

When the teacher finally blew the whistle and announced the end of class, Roxas was about ready to drop. When he was about to drag himself back to the locker rooms, the teacher decided to give him a lesson of "the importance of honouring the P.E. uniforms."

Roxas entered the locker room eight minutes later, a little relieved to see that the other boys were on their way to getting finished, which was good in Roxas' mind. There was no way he would undress and shower in front of the others, and sitting on a bench and waiting while the others were showering would have seemed a little suspicious. It didn't take long for the locker room to empty. Roxas cast a glance at the clock on the wall. He still had twenty minutes to go, before some of the juniors had gym. The blonde had his lunch break now anyway, so he wouldn't be late for the next class.

Roxas showered quickly, before he walked back to his locker and started dressing. Too busy getting dressed, the boy didn't notice the sound of the door to the locker room open and close silently. The blonde had pulled on his pants and reached out for his black sweater, just as he felt someone's hands sneaking around his waist from behind. Roxas froze, his hearts skipping a beat.

"Hello Roxas," the person whispered in the blonde's ear. Roxas could feel all the blood drain from his face at the sound of that voice. The blonde spun around and backed away, his back hitting the lockers behind him. The silver haired teen in front of Roxas chuckled darkly at him. "Missed me?"

Roxas' eyes were wide as he stared at the older boy. He felt his heart speed up as fear entangled itself with all the parts of his body. The blonde tried to move, but his legs were glued to the spot as Riku moved closer. Roxas could feel his eyes fill with tears as the older pressed his lips forcefully against his.

-

Zexion walked down the hallway. He had a short break before next period, and he had to talk to the P.E. teacher about not joining class today. He hated running. He hated pretty much all physical activity that didn't involve Demyx and a certain amount of heavy breathing. So he had come up with another one of his brilliant lies to get the teacher to excuse him from class. The lilac-haired boy silently entered the boys' locker rooms, and stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the scene in front of him with wide eyes. A strangely familiar blonde boy was being pushed up against a locker, seemingly making-out with a taller boy with silver hair. Zexion recognized the blonde as Roxas. He covered him mouth with his left hand to prevent himself from gasping.

Not being noticed by the two other boys in the room, Zexion slowly backed away and walked out of the door without a sound. Back in the hallway, he inhaled deeply as he ran a hand through his hair. He would talk to the P.E. teacher later. Right now he had to find Axel.

-

Roxas felt the hate boil up inside him as Riku bit his lip so hard it drew blood. Turning his head away, Roxas broke the contact. "Stop!" he breathed out. Riku's aquamarine eyes were cold as he smirked. Grabbing a hold of Roxas' wrist with one hand and forcing them over the blonde's head, Riku proved once again his muscles weren't just for show.

"Don't say you didn't enjoy it," Riku snickered, a hand trailing down the blonde's stomach. Just as his hand reached the top of the blonde's jeans, the bell chimed. While cursing under his breath, the older let go of Roxas' hands. "Saved by the bell. How ironic," Riku growled. "I meant what I said, about telling anyone," he smirked, before he turned and walked out of the door. Roxas let a low sob escape his lips. His body was trembling, and he had trouble breathing properly. Biting back the tears that threatened to fall, Roxas picket up his sweater from the floor and put it on. Still shaking, the blonde grabbed his bag and hurried out of the locker room. He walked quickly, and didn't stop until he reached a bathroom.

Locking the door behind him, Roxas leaned his back against the wall. Sliding down, he ended up sitting on the floor. The blonde gave in, letting the tears fall. Burying his face in his hands, he sat there, crying silently.

-

When Roxas left the bathroom he didn't know how long he had been there. The hallways were deserted, which meant it was the middle of a period. The blonde couldn't stand being around people right now. He decided to go home, and break down in his room.

-

Around 5 pm, Sora entered his house, hearing his parents' voices in the livingroom. He discarded his shoes and jacket before entering. He didn't get far before his mother, Sonja, embraced him with a tight hug. "Sora, darling, how have you been?" she asked.

"Fine, I guess," Sora said. His mother sent him a questioning look.

"Is there something wrong, Sora? You seem a little upset," she stated. Sora sighed dramatically. His mother always fell for that.

"Well, Roxas…" Sora started. His father suddenly paid attention to the conversation.

"What has that useless boy done now?" he asked. Sora's sapphire eyes darkened as he thought about what his brother had done. How could he? The brunet huffed. Roxas would pay for taking Riku from him.

"You know my friend Riku?"

-

Roxas woke, lying on his bed, around 5 pm. He heard the front door of his house shut, and voices in the livingroom. His parents must've gotten home while he was sleeping, and Sora was probably home from school. The chatter from downstairs grew louder, but Roxas couldn't make words out of it. After about ten minutes, the voices downstairs died out, and Roxas heard footsteps in the stairs. Heavy footsteps.

Roxas felt new tears build in his eyes. His door was opened brutally, his father standing outside. The tall man had an angry scowl written on his face. Roxas stared at the man with wide eyes, not finding himself able to move.

"Get up," his father growled.

"What?" Roxas found himself asking, regretting opening his mouth at once. His father walked into the room, grabbing a hold of the front of Roxas' sweater and pulled the boy off the bed. The blonde let out a small whimper as he collided with the floor.

"You goddamn fag," his father hissed. "You're no son of mine!"

Roxas shut his eyes tightly as his father's fist collided with his abdomen. "I don't want a freak like you in my house!" the man shouted. Roxas waited for another blow, but none came.

"It's enough," Sonja's voice said calmly. The man looked at her. "Why don't you go downstairs and wait?" she said to her husband. Roxas' father cast him a hateful glare, before he nodded once to the woman and left the room. The boy on the floor looked at his mother with tearful eyes. The woman sighed. "Oh Roxas, how did you get like this?" she asked with disappointment in her voice. Roxas stared at her, shocked. "You used to be such a good boy, but now I don't know what to believe anymore," Sonja shook her head. "That godforsaken Leon, he must've put ideas in your head. And now you've become just like him, if not worse." The woman turned with her back towards Roxas. "We're going out for a couple of hours. We're taking Sora with us. Let's say four hours? When we get home later tonight, I think it's best if you've left the house…" she walked slowly towards the door.

"Wha-" Roxas was cut off by his mother.

"For good," she stated, before she left the room, leaving the door open. Roxas could hear his parents get dressed and walk outside to start the car. He looked up, glaring at the brunet standing in his doorway.

"You know," Sora started. "I once wished I could be like you, Roxas." At this he laughed a little. "But I guess we've all been young and dumb," the brunet sighed. "Goodbye Roxas." His voice was cold as he turned and walked down the stairs as well, and out to join his parents. The blonde heard the car pull out of the driveway and disappear down the street.

Roxas started breathing faster, now on the verge of hyperventilating. They had kicked him out. His stomach hurt incredibly. Riku was after him. Axel probably hated him.

Roxas led his hands to his head in desperation, his fingers entangling themselves with his golden locks. His breath hitched as tears now ran freely down his face. He tried to scream, but his dry throat failed him. He wasn't able to take it anymore. There was too much pain, too much sadness, and too many things fucked up. Opening his eyes, Roxas noticed a small object lying just beneath his bed. He reached out a shaking hand and grabbed a hold of it. He turned the small pocket-knife, which was covered with dried blood, around in his hand. It was the knife Riku had cut him with. Vision blurred by tears, Roxas shut his eyes tightly and pressed the blade of the knife against his left wrist, hard. It wouldn't take him much effort. It would be quick, though it might hurt a little, but he didn't care about that. Roxas wasn't sure how much more pain he was able to feel.

Just as he was about to make the simple movement and slide the knife across, he realized what he was doing. Gasping, the blonde threw the knife away as if it'd burned him. He couldn't! He had promised Axel.

Roxas stumbled to his feet. He walked out of his room and down the hallway in a quick pace. He walked through his parents' bedroom, into their bathroom. Opening the cabinet over the sink, Roxas started rummaging through the contains. Finding what he was looking for, Roxas' fingers curled around a bottle. The blonde made his way back to his bedroom. He walked into his bathroom and filled a glass of water, casting himself a glance in the mirror. Roxas couldn't stand the sight of himself, turning his face away.

The blonde walked back into his bedroom, placing the glass of water next to the bottle of pills on his nightstand. Walking over to his window, Roxas looked out. Outside it was snowing heavily, and it just kept getting worse. Another tear fell from Roxas' cerulean eyes. How he hated this cold, cruel time of year. The boy inhaled shakily and walked over to his stereo, switching it on. Finding one of his favourite songs, A Beautiful Lie, Roxas turned the volume up drastically. He went back to his nightstand, unscrewing the cap of the bottle of pills. Roxas knew these pills were strong. His father had had them prescribed by a doctor once he had surgery.

With shaking hands, the blonde poured a handful pills out in his hand. Cerulean eyes fell upon something on his nightstand. A small keychain with two keys attached to it. Roxas knew that if it was possible for a heart to break, his just did. Sobbing, he turned away, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered gently before he grabbed the glass of water. Roxas inhaled deeply once and led his trembling hand to his lips, scooping down a mouthful of pills in one swift motion.

-

Zexion rang the doorbell, waiting for the door to open. Not long after, he heard shuffling on the inside, and a tall redhead opened the door. He gave the short boy outside his door a questioning look. "Zexion?" Axel asked. His voice was duller than normally.

"Can I come in?" the lilac-haired boy asked. Axel nodded and turned around, walking back into his apartment. Zexion followed, closing the door behind him. The redhead stood by the window, staring at the heavy, wet snowflakes that fell outside. His emerald eyes were confused and sad. "Axel," Zexion started, getting the taller boy's attention. "Did you… Did you talk to Roxas today?" he asked. Axel sighed heavily, gaze moving out the window again. He shook his head. Zexion inhaled gently before he decided to continue. "Have you heard… That boy, Riku… He's a sophomore… He and Roxas s-"

Axel cut him off. "I don't _care_ what the fucking rumours say, Zexion! I won't believe it," the redhead hissed, his emerald eyes flashing with anger. He walked over to his couch and sat down, burying his face in his hands.

"Axel," Zexion started. The redhead looked up.

"That sophomore guy is his brother's boyfriend or whatnot… Anyone could have mixed them!" he said. The lilac-haired boy shook his head, gaze turned to the floor. Axel gave him a puzzled look.

"I…" Zexion muttered.

"You what?" Axel demanded.

"I saw them," Zexion breathed out.

"What the hell do you mean you saw them?" the redhead growled.

"In the locker room today, I saw them kiss," the other boy said sadly. Axel shook his head. "Axel, I'm sorry…" Zexion said. "But it was Roxas…" he sighed as Axel rose from the couch and walked towards the door. The redhead quickly put on his shoes. "What are you do-" Zexion was cut off.

"Do you know where he lives?" Axel asked darkly. Zexion arched an eyebrow at the taller.

"Who?" he asked.

"_Roxas!_" Axel cried desperately. "Do you know his address?" He walked over to the table, quickly picking up a pen and a piece of paper.

"Yes, but-" Zexion stuttered as Axel handed it to him.

"Write it down," the redhead said. Zexion didn't say anything, but quickly scribbled down Roxas' address on the piece of paper. Axel grabbed his jacket and pulled it on as Zexion handed him the piece of paper.

"What are you doing, Axel?" he asked as the redhead took it from him. Axel turned and walked towards the door again.

"I have to talk to him," he answered.

"But-" Zexion started.

"_I have to talk to him!_" Axel growled as he left his apartment. He quickly ran down the stairs and out into the freezing night. Ignoring the heavy snowing, Axel ran down the road that lead towards Twilight Bridge. He had to talk to Roxas.

-

Still trembling, Roxas sat down on the edge of his bed. Glass of water still in one hand, the blonde led the other to his forehead. His head was starting to feel a little hazy. Were pills supposed to work that fast? Roxas' breath hitched as his trembling got worse. Standing up from the bed, the blonde felt his head start spinning. Feeling waves of terrible dizziness wash over him, Roxas reached out to grab a hold of his nightstand to keep him on his feet, but failed. He couldn't think clearly. He couldn't see anything properly. The blonde tried to focus on the music playing, but he couldn't make sense out of it. His world was spinning, everything blurred out. Roxas felt one last sting of agony in his chest, before his eyes went black, and he collided heavily with the floor.

-

Axel ran as fast as his legs could manage to carry him, ignoring the way his lungs were screaming for him to slow down. He had read the address Zexion had scribbled down on the piece of paper over and over. He had it memorized by now. Trying to find the street name, Axel wondered what he would do when he actually got to the blonde's house. Demand to talk to Roxas? He wasn't sure, but right now he had to find the house.

The redhead's heart did a small jump of relive as he read the right street-name on a sign. Now he just had to find the right number, 8. The snowing kept getting worse, and Axel was half way soaked to the bone by now. He ran past number 14. He would be there soon. He forced himself to do a last sprint to the right house. Axel stopped and looked at the house. Locating a mailbox, he walked over to it. Brushing the snow off the top, Axel quickly read the name, to be sure he had the right house. It was Roxas last name, he was sure of that.

All the windows were black, except one that was lit up. Axel could hear music from somewhere inside the house too. It was pretty loud for him to hear it all the way out there. Running to the front door, he rang the doorbell. He waited a couple of seconds before ha rang it again. The redhead bent over a little, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He tried the doorbell a couple of times more, with no luck. Axel sighed angrily. Why wouldn't they open the damn door? He heard music. But then it hit him that maybe the music was too loud for the people inside to hear the doorbell. Casting a glance around, Axel could see faint wheel tracks out of the driveway in front of the house. That meant a car had left not too long ago. Making a swift decision, the redhead almost laughed a little at himself as he reached for the door handle. What a stupid idea. As if someone would leave their door o-

The door opened when Axel tried to open it. Arching his eyebrows, Axel looked into the house. Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "Hello?" he called anxiously. He had just walked into someone's house. He didn't get any answer. If it weren't for the music blasting from upstairs, Axel would think the house was empty. After quickly ridding himself of the snow he had been recently covered in, the redhead walked slowly over to a door. He opened it, to reveal an empty livingroom. There were no lights turned on. He tried another "Hello?!"

First then he really noticed the music. He knew that song. Axel made his way over to the stairs and started walking up them. Following the sound of The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars, Axel found himself standing outside a door. Taking a deep breath, he gently knocked on the wooden surface. He didn't get any answer. The redhead laid his hand on the door handle, closing his eyes for a second. He didn't know if he could do this. He had to talk to Roxas about what Zexion had told him. He didn't want it to be true. It couldn't. Someone as innocent and deep as Roxas wouldn't have just gone and slept with a random guy.

Sighing, Axel decided to get it over with. Turning the door handle, Axel opened the door slowly. His emerald eyes roamed across the room. "Roxas?" the redhead said lowly. His eyes fell upon the form of the blonde boy lying on floor. Axel's mind went blank, and his heart made a jump before it sped up. "_Roxas_!" the redhead cried out and rushed over to the boy. Dropping to the floor, Axel turned the limp boy around so he was lying on his back. "Oh god," he breathed out. Grabbing a hold of the blonde, Axel shook him, getting no reaction from the still unmoving boy. Axel's eyes fell upon the open bottle of pills and the glass lying on the floor not far from the boy. Axel shook his head desperately, shaking the boy in his arms again. "_No_! No, no, no, no, Roxas!" the redhead cried in panic. Axel grabbed a hold of the blonde's wrist, his long fingers searching for pulse beneath the pale skin. Finding no pulse in Roxas' wrist, Axel felt his eyes sting. Moving his hand to the boy's neck, he did another try. Roxas couldn't be dead.

A faint, slow trace of heartbeat exposed itself beneath the redhead's fingers. Sighing in relief, Axel cradled the boy in his arms, hugging him tightly as he allowed tears to leave his emerald eyes. "Dammit Roxas," he whispered gently, before he searched his pockets for his cell phone. Dialling the number swiftly, he led the phone to his ear, waiting for response.

_"Hello?"_ Zexion's voice sounded in the other end of the line.

"Zexion!" Axel said, panic dripping from his voice. "You have to drive over here _now_!"

_"What is it?" _the other boy asked. Axel couldn't help the sob that left his throat. _"What's wrong, Axel?"_ Zexion asked, his voice concerned now.

"Roxas tried to kill himself." The redhead sounded desperate. "He took some pills… I don't know how long it's been, his heart is barely beating," Axel huffed, as more tears found their way down his face. He could hear rustling in the other end of the line.

_"Okay, Axel. Calm down! I'll be there in a couple of minutes! I'll call the hospital; we have to bring him there." _The redhead heard a door close and quick footsteps. He nodded silently before he realized Zexion couldn't see him.

"Okay…" Axel said, before he hung up and hugged the boy in his arms tightly once more.

-

_AN:__ I am not going to waste more space down here O.o Wow… My writing keeps sucking… Sorry… Review please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar and sprinkles on it? (Yeah, I have no shame)_

_Cookies for reviewers_


	10. He's Restless

**Note: This is sort of unedited. **

**AN:** I'm sorry that I keep getting delayed. Life really hates me at the moment, and I have _so_ much to do! But I'm not gonna complain. Every teenager who goes to school has bucket loads of stuff to do! So yeah, all I can say is that I'm sorry!

**Do You Remember turned one year recently!** I'm so proud! My baby is growing up!

**SkyeFlyte**: Thank you for all your wonderful words of encouragement and kindness! If it hadn't been for you urging for me to write lately, this would probably have taken even longer! This chapter is for you!

Thank you to EVERYONE who read this thing! I love you so much!! All of you!! Oh dear, I will soon break 200 reviews too!

Thank you for the **12 700 hits**,**98 favs** and **119 alerts**! I can't believe so many people actually pushed that shiny little box at the bottom of the page! **  
**  
Thank you **Andrew**! For proofing! Even though I think you don't really bother to proof so much :P For reading it through and overlooking my mistakes!! xD Stop hating me!

**Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I would be rich if I owned Kingdom Hearts. I am not rich. Hence, I don't own it!  
**Warning:** Oh, you all know the deal by now! M! Ehrr… Beware of failed attempts of writing angst, Axel being sad and sitting a lot on a chair… And I'd just like to say that _the hospitals in real life probably wouldn't do stuff like this!  
_

**Chapter 10:**

Walking through the heavy glass doors, Demyx entered the hospital. He went over to the reception, smiling weakly at the girl sitting there. She greeted him warmly, answering the questions he asked her. Demyx thanked her and walked over to the elevator, when he'd gotten the information he wanted. He entered the empty elevator, pushing the button of the floor he was going to. There were few people in the hallways. A couple of nurses, but nothing more. It was late after all.

Reading the numbers on the doors he passed, Demyx finally found the one he was looking for. Knocking softly, the blonde entered. The room was of the typical, white hospital style. In the middle of the room, a large, white screen board was set up; preventing people from seeing what Demyx figured was a hospital bed. The blonde could hear the faint beeping of a heart monitor. The redhead sitting in a chair in a corner looked up as the door behind Demyx closed. He looked tired. He would never admit it, but his eyes gave him away. Axel was exhausted.

"Hi…" Demyx greeted him weakly. Axel stood up from the chair, walking over to the other boy. Without a word, the redhead wrapped his arms around Demyx, pulling the blonde into a tight hug. Demyx returned the hug, as a sob left Axel's lips. The blonde could feel the fabric on his shoulder slowly getting wet. It was rare for Axel to cry. He wasn't the kind of person who let people see his sadness. Demyx stroked Axel's back, whispering soothing nothings into his ear. The redhead pulled away from his friend, and leaned with his back against the wall. He slid down, until he was sitting on the floor. Burying his face in his hands, Axel let a new sob escape him.

"Roxas…" Axel started, having problems getting the words out. "H-he's in a coma. The doctors don't know if he'll pull through."

Demyx sat down next to the redhead, wrapping his arms around him, hugging Axel softly.

When Zexion came home to Demyx earlier that night, he had looked tired and worried. He had told his boyfriend that Roxas had tried to commit suicide, and Zexion had to drive him and Axel to the hospital, and that Axel was still there with Roxas. Demyx had at once gotten Zexion to drive him to the hospital. Axel surely needed someone to be with him now.

"Nothing's sure, Axel," Demyx started in a soothing voice. "People wake up from coma all the time," he said, trying to give his best friend some comfort. Axel's body was shaking slightly, and he shook his head.

"People die in coma, too, Demyx," he whispered. At this, the blonde hugged his friend tighter.

"Don't say that, Axel! Don't even think it," he said. "You have to believe with your whole heart that he'll wake up!"

Axel nodded, before he sighed shakily and led a hand to his face to wipe away his tears. "You should probably go home and get some sleep, Dem… It's already two in the morning, and it is Friday," Axel said. "You have school."

Demyx shook his head. "I'm going to stay here with you! Screw school, this is more important."

The redhead sighed. "There's no need for both of us to stay here. Anyway, you should be with Zexion…" he said and smiled weakly at his friend. Demyx looked uneasy.

"But I want to stay here with you," he said.

"I'd like to be alone…" Axel sighed. "Go home, Dem, I'll be fine." The redhead got up from the floor, helping Demyx up as well.

"Are you sure?" Demyx asked. Axel nodded half-heartedly. The blonde wrapped his arms tightly around his friend's waist. "Call me if anything comes up," he said.

"Yeah, I will," Axel whispered and squeezed Demyx back.

After Demyx left Axel sat back down in the chair he'd been sitting in earlier. Resting his forehead in his palm, Axel closed his emerald eyes. He was so tired. His body screamed for him to sleep, but he couldn't. Axel couldn't make himself relax enough to sleep. He sat still in the chair for a couple of minutes, listening to the beeping of the heart-monitor in the room. The only thing that for sure told him that Roxas was still alive.

Axel got up from the chair and walked around the screen board. He walked over to the hospital bed looking at the boy in it. Axel bit his lip and sat down next to the bed.

Without thinking, the redhead took a hold of Roxas' hand in his own. Axel looked at him again. The boy was so beautiful, even like this. Leaning in, Axel pressed his lips softly against the pale skin of the blonde's chin. It felt like ice beneath his lips. Axel suppressed his urge to cry and pulled away again, just as the door to the room opened silently. The sound of someone clearing their throat a moment later made Axel look up, seeing the man dressed in a white coat who stood in the room. "Could I have a word with you?" the doctor asked. The redhead nodded shortly and rose halfway from his chair, gently letting go of Roxas' hand. Bending over the boy, Axel brought his lips close to Roxas' ear.

"I'll be right back," he whispered lovingly, before he got up completely and followed the older man out in the hallway. The doctor cleaned his throat again, as to get Axel to pay attention to him. He was a tall man, but still shorter than the redheaded teen. He had brown hair, which was chopped short, and he wore glasses.

"My name is Doctor Richardson. I'm in charge of treating Roxas," the man said. Axel nodded politely.

"Axel," the redhead stated. He didn't like doctors that much.

"Are you Roxas' brother?" the man asked. Axel shook his head and opened his mouth to answer, but the doctor beat him to it. "Oh, are you a cousin then?"

Axel shook his head again, sighing. "I'm his boyfriend," the redhead said darkly. The doctor raised his eyebrows slightly. He hadn't expected that coming. Axel scowled as the man's features gave off a hint of disgust.

"Well Axel, you see, I have to get in contact with one of Roxas' family members."

The redhead scowled at him. "That'll not be possible," he said.

"And exactly why is that?" the doctor asked. The tone off his voice clearly gave off that the man didn't like this redheaded teenage boy much.

"They're most likely the reason he's here in the first place," Axel almost growled. "I'm the closest thing you'll come to one of his family members," he said. The doctor sighed.

"I guess I will have to come back to you later, Axel," he said. "But I advise that you give me his parents' names or numbers. They're for highly important dealings." The man turned and walked out of the room. Axel sat back down by the bed. His emerald eyes swept across the angelic features of Roxas' face. Grabbing a new hold of the unmoving blonde boy's hand, Axel led it to his face, pressing it against his chin and trailing soft kisses inside the palm. After a while, Axel let his head rest on the mattress beside Roxas' body, not letting go of the blonde's hand. Closing his emerald eyes, Axel sighed as he once more noticed how exhausted he was. With the beeping of Roxas' heart monitor slowly getting more and more distant, Axel slowly fell into a light slumber.

-

Axel woke several times during the night, not really remembering where he was the first couple of seconds, before it all dawned upon him. He took in the room, the hospital bed he was sitting by, and the even beeping coming from the machine to his right. The redhead kept on holding Roxas' hand, hoping for it to move, hoping for any signs that Roxas would wake.

Axel would only leave the room to take a short trip to the canteen to get something to eat. He didn't manage to force down much though. He didn't have much of an appetite anyway.

Some of the nurses who came into Roxas' room tried to be nice and start a conversation with Axel, but he wasn't in the mood to talk. The redhead just politely excused from talking.

Zexion and Demyx came to visit after school, but they didn't stay long. Axel told them to go home. He didn't want them to see him miserable like this. Axel was usually the one who was strong, fighting his emotions so they stayed inside him. But now, every time he looked at Roxas, he had an urge to cry. He wished he could've helped the boy before it came to what happened.

Axel didn't get much sleep the next night. He kept holding Roxas' left hand, stroking it softly. His thoughts kept flying around. Why had Roxas not wanted to talk to him? Had he really been with that Riku guy? Didn't Roxas feel the same towards him that he felt for Roxas?

Emerald eyes kept falling on the clock on the wall. It reached 3:30 am, and Axel still wasn't able to sleep. He let his hand travel slowly up Roxas' arm beneath the fabric of the long-sleeved hospital gown. The redhead stopped as his fingers traced across an uneven line in the boy's skin. Shaking his head to himself, Axel gently pushed the fabric up Roxas' arm, revealing the skin. The redhead inhaled sharply as he saw the boy's arm. It was covered in several long, horrible cuts. Axel felt tears threatening to fall again. "Oh, Roxas," he whispered. "Didn't you say you were going to stop?" he asked the boy sadly. He leaned forwards and kissed the boy's skin softly. "I can't imagine the pain you must've been in to do this to yourself," Axel said. "And I'm so sorry if I have done anything to make it worse." With that, Axel left one last kiss on Roxas' arm before he got up from his chair and walked out into the hallway. He needed to stretch his legs and get some air.

The hallways were empty. Of course they were; it was almost four in the morning. Axel's breath was shaking as he sat down in a chair. He buried his face in his hands, forcing back that urge to cry. He sat there for a little while, before a soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Hi there," the person said softly. Axel looked up at the young nurse standing not far from him. She had long, braided brown hair and kind, green eyes. Axel had seen her a couple of times, when she had been checking up on Roxas. She was nice, one of them who'd tried to make the redhead talk a little. She was young too, Axel noticed. Far more young than most of the other nurses there, and she couldn't be more than five years or so older than Axel. "Axel, right?" she asked. Axel answered her with a nod. "Mind if I sit down?" she asked, gesturing to the chair next to the one Axel sat in. The redhead shook his head, and the nurse sat down. "I'm Aerith," she said, smiling at Axel again. "How are you?" she asked, the tone in her voice telling Axel that she actually cared, and wasn't just asking to be polite. Axel sighed.

"I'm not so good, really…" he said, his voice shaking a little.

"You are here with Roxas, the boy in a coma, right?" Aerith asked. Axel nodded, eyes directed to the floor. "Are you his friend or…?" the girl asked, obviously wanting to get Axel to talk a little. She felt really bad for him.

"I'm… his boyfriend," Axel said softly. Aerith nodded with a gentle smile passing her lips.

"I see," she said. "This must be a hard time for you." Her voice was caring. Axel clenched his teeth together, looking the other way as he felt those tears build again. The redhead jumped a little when he felt a light hand on his shoulder. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, Axel," the nurse said. "In most cases, people wake up from coma."

Axel sighed and turned to face her. "I know that…" the redhead said. "I'm just so scared that this isn't one of those cases…" his voice failed him at the end.

"Don't think like that," Aerith said in a soothing voice. "Have a little faith in him… Believe he'll wake," she smiled. Axel's face softened a little.

"Thank you…" he muttered. "I'm sorry that I'm not the best of company…"

The brunette shook her head with a smile. "It's very much understandable," she said. "Now, when was the last time you had anything to eat?"

Axel shrugged. "Don't know," he said. The young woman sighed and shook her head lightly.

"Then what say you to a cup of soup? I'll get it for you, just sit here and I'll be right back," she smiled and then got up from the chair, walking down the hallway. Axel felt slightly better. He was thankful that she had gotten him to talk. He needed that. The redhead leaned backwards in the chair he was in and let his body relax a little.

The brunette nurse returned a little while later, a big ceramic cup filled with soup in her hands. She handed it to Axel, who accepted it with a small smile.

"Thank you," he said. He hadn't thought about it, but by now he was really hungry. Axel started eating the soup slowly, savouring how it warmed him all the way down his throat. Aerith watched him with a soft expression. The way she acted felt so motherly.

"Roxas' parents aren't the best of people, are they?" Aerith asked after a little while of silence. Axel shook his head.

"No, they're not… His mother just ignores him, and he is afraid of his father because he kicked Roxas' older brother out for being gay a couple of years ago…" the redhead said. A new wall of sadness hit him. He just couldn't think about how much Roxas actually had to struggle with.

"I'm pretty close to Roxas' brother," Aerith said after a little while. Axel raised an eyebrow.

"His twin brother?" he asked. The nurse shook her head.

"No, his older brother, Leon," she said. Axel's eyes widened.

"You know him?" he asked. The nurse nodded.

"I've known him and Cloud, his boyfriend, for years… Haven't seen them in a long while though… Leon hates this town." Her voice was a little sad as she spoke. Axel nodded slowly.

"He has reason to," he sighed. "I think Roxas misses him though."

"He's a good guy," Aerith smiled. Axel swallowed the last of his soup, handing the cup back to the nurse.

"Thank you for the soup," Axel said. Aerith smiled at him, taking the cup.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," she said gently. "You look really tired."

Axel nodded and got up from his chair. "Yeah… I am. I should get back to Roxas, too… Thank you, for talking to me… I think I needed it," Axel sighed. The young woman nodded.

"You can come to me if there's anything. I'll be checking up on Roxas regularly. Now get some sleep," she said. Axel smiled weakly at her before he walked back the way he'd come earlier. He entered Roxas' room, once being met with the same even beating of the heart-monitor. He walked around the screen board, his eyes falling upon the boy in the bed again. He laid exactly the way he had when Axel left the room.

Axel sat down in the bedside chair. Emerald eyes fell upon Roxas' arm again. The redhead let his hands gently pull the fabric of the hospital gown back down, so it was covering Roxas' arm. Then Axel took Roxas' hand in his own and leaned in, close to the blonde's face. "Please wake up," he whispered, before he softly let his lips rest upon Roxas' in a very light kiss. Pulling away again, Axel sat back down in the chair. Once more resting his head on the mattress, Axel tried to get a little more sleep.

-

The next couple of days went by without changes. Axel still sat restless by Roxas' bed most of the day, when he was not walking around in the hallways. Demyx and Zexion managed to drag the redhead home for a couple of hours every day, so he could take a shower and change clothes. It didn't take long before Axel was back by Roxas' side though.

He had some short conversations with Aerith, when the nurse came to do her regular check-up on Roxas. He also tried to do some of the homework Demyx had brought for him, but he didn't manage to focus for a long time. Apparently the teachers weren't too thrilled that Axel wasn't at school, but the redhead didn't care. What he cared about was Roxas.

The redhead sat by the table standing in Roxas' room at the hospital, his math books opened in front of him. It was Thursday, and the teachers had now given him extra hard problems to solve. Luckily Axel understood the logic in math, which made it much easier and quicker to do.

Axel looked up as the door opened. He frowned slightly as Dr. Richardson walked inside. "Good day, Axel," the man said in a polite manner. Axel greeted the man with a court nod and stood up to talk to the man. "Homework?" Dr. Richardson asked, gesturing towards the books on the table. Axel nodded again.

"Do you have any news about Roxas?" Axel asked darkly. The man sighed.

"Ah, why I am here," he started. "You see, Axel, since we're not able to get in contact with Roxas' family, I will ask you to consider signing these papers." The man handed Axel some sheets of paper. The redhead arched an eyebrow at the doctor. "Signing will put you in charge of deciding whether or not Roxas is to be kept alive with machines or not."

Axel stared at the man in disbelief. "You want me to be in charge of deciding if to pull the plug on Roxas or not?" The man sighed. "That is the basics, yes…" he said. Axel shook his head. How could this man be so cold? "It's been days now, and Roxas hasn't shown any sign of getting better. I'm starting to wonder if he is lost forever. If you keep him alive, there are big chances that his brain-capacity will slowly die,"

Axel let a low growl escape his throat. "I understand that you might want an extra room empty, but don't you think it's a little early to take the decision if he will live or die?" he asked angrily.

"That has nothing to do with it, Axel. Do you think it's fair to keep him alive for your own pleasure?" Dr. Richardson asked. Axel's eyes widened in disbelief.

"For my own _pleasure_?" he hissed, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "What happens if I don't sign the papers?" the redhead asked.

"Then the doctors will decide what we think is best, professionally wise," the man stated. "I'd much rather give these papers to one of Roxas' parents. You can still give me their number."

Axel snorted. "They'd be happy to get rid of him," he said. Axel looked at the papers in his hand. "I'll think about it…" Axel said. How could he possibly sign something like that? There was no way in hell he would let Roxas die. But he didn't want to be the one who was forcing him to stay alive either. But if he left it in the hands of Dr. Richardson, they would end Roxas' life.

"Try to make a wise decision," the doctor muttered. The redhead scowled at him.

"You may not, but _I_ fucking _care_ about that boy!" Axel shouted. The expression on the face of the man in front of him didn't change.

"Then maybe you should put your selfishness aside and think about what would be best for_ him_," the doctor said coldly. "Keep him alive, and he might just end up being a vegetable," the man said and turned to walk outside the room, leaving the redhead speechless. Leaving the piece of paper on the table, Axel walked over to the side of Roxas' bed. He leaned closer to the boy, his emerald eyes again taking in the beauty.

"It is selfish of me," Axel whispered. "But I don't want you to die! Not when I've just allowed myself to love you." The redhead brought the blonde boy's hand to his face, hugging it gently, as he allowed his tears to now run freely. "I can't stop hoping," he said, his voice failing him slightly.

-

When Aerith entered Roxas' room Thursday night to do her check, she found Axel dissolved in tears by Roxas' bed, hugging the boy's hand to his face. She walked over to his, putting a hand on his shoulder, making the redhead jump a little. "What's wrong, Axel?" she asked in a gentle voice. Axel turned to look at her.

"I… I don't know what to do," he whispered. "Doctor Richardson asked me to sign some papers which would leave me in charge of deciding if Roxas is to be kept alive or not." His voice gave off a hint of despair. "And I don't want him to die," the redhead said, inhaling shakily. "But if I keep him alive I can't help but wonder if that would be selfish of me to decide…"

Aerith sighed sadly. "Oh my… Why has he put pressure on you like that?" she asked. Axel shook his head.

"Because I wouldn't let him contact Roxas' parents," he huffed. "They would just be happy to get rid of him." Leading a hand to his face, Axel wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes. Aerith looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I might know how to solve this in a better way," she said, stroking Axel's back soothingly. "I'll be right back," the nurse said and walked out into the hallway. Axel held Roxas' cold hand tightly in his own. He didn't know that it was possible for him to care so much about someone. He just knew that Roxas meant more to him right now than his own life. And he wouldn't let him go.

Aerith came back into the room a couple of minutes later. She had a small smile upon her lips. "Don't worry, Axel," she said. "You don't have to think about the papers. Neither do you have to worry that anyone will put Roxas off life-support."

Axel's brows furrowed in confusion as he looked at Aerith. She just smiled again. "What?" the redhead asked. The brunette just walked over and put that caring hand upon Axel's shoulder again.

"Maybe you should go to sleep, Axel, don't worry right now," she said. When the redhead looked uneasy with this, she smiled gently at him. "Trust me," she said. Axel nodded slowly and put his head down on the mattress next to Roxas' body. He closed his eyes as he heard the door slide shut behind Aerith as the nurse left the room. Not long after, Axel felt sleep conquer him.

-

For the first time in over a week, Axel slept throughout the night. He woke with a terrible stiffness in his neck though. Looking at the still unmoving Roxas, Axel sighed sadly. He got up from the chair, leaned over the pale form of angelic boy and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. The redhead didn't manage to stop a tear from falling. Letting his fingers run gently through some blonde bangs, Axel smiled weakly. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, before pulling away and walking out of the room.

There were some people in the hallways now, but Roxas' room was in one of the less crowded parts of the hospital. Axel walked slowly through the halls, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He felt so lost.

Axel ended up walking to the canteen, deciding he should get something small to eat.

After he'd forced down a small amount of food, Axel decided to go back to Roxas' room. Walking through the hallways again, Axel muttered polite greetings to some of the nurses who'd become used to him hanging around there the last week.

Walking inside Roxas' room, Axel stopped dead in his tracks. There was a man standing by the window, whom Axel had never seen before. He looked like he was in his early twenties, he was tall, well built and had shoulder-long brown hair. The man turned around as he heard the door shut. His steel-blue eyes connected with Axel's emerald ones. "Who're you?" Axel asked darkly.

"I think I should ask you the same," the tall brunet said in a polite voice. The redhead growled.

"The name's Axel," he stated. The expression of the man in front of him changed from hard into a more soft expression.

"Oh, _you_'re Axel," he said, walking closer to the redhead. "I'm Leon, Roxas' brother."

Axel's eyes widened. "You're Leon?" he asked. The brunet nodded. "How come you're here?" Axel asked. He was so to say shocked. Leon sighed.

"Aerith called me and told me about Roxas last night… I flew down here as soon as I heard." He walked over to the bed in the room, looking at the blonde boy in it with sadness in his eyes. "What happened to him?" he asked. Axel sighed sadly.

"He took an overdose of pills…" the redhead started. He walked over to the bed, standing on the opposite side of Leon. Swallowing thickly, Axel let his slender finger lightly brush across Roxas' hand. "He was trying to kill himself," Axel said, biting his lip as he forced those damned tears back. Leon looked at his little brother with furrowed eyebrows.

"I should've checked up on him… At least called him or something… Maybe things would've been easier for him then," he muttered. Then he looked at Axel. "So Axel, how old are you?" he asked. Axel raised an eyebrow. He didn't expect that question.

"I'm eighteen… I'm a senior at Roxas' school…" the redhead answered. Leon nodded.

"And you're his boyfriend," he stated. Axel figured Aerith must have told Leon about him already. Leon walked over to the table where Axel had stacked most of his school books. "How did you meet?" the brunet asked. Axel scratched the back of his neck.

"Well… I first saw him at a school party right before Christmas… But I didn't talk to him before Christmas Eve. I prevented him from jumping off a bridge… Then he stayed with me for a week, because he didn't want to go home… Then I didn't see him before last Thursday night, when I found him unconscious on his bedroom floor…" Axel's voice broke at the end of the sentence. He was fighting his emotions again. Leon seemed to be deep into thought. His steel-blue eyes fell upon Axel's school books.

"Have you been here the whole week?" he asked in shock. Axel nodded.

"I couldn't leave him…" Axel muttered, just as the door to the room opened. Aerith walked in. Leon greeted her with a nod. The two had obviously already talked.

"Axel," the nurse said. "Leon has signed the papers, and decided that Roxas is to be kept alive," she smiled softly. Axel turned towards the man. Leon nodded.

"He's not going to die," Leon said, giving the redhead a reassuring look.

-

Leon stayed the whole day, before he had to leave. Axel had spent a long while having a discussion with Leon, about why the man couldn't take Roxas with him if he woke. The brunet was living in Hollow Bastion with his boyfriend, Cloud. The two had each their job, both working hard to get the ends to meet. "Roxas needs someone with him, to take care of him and to be with him when he gets lonely. And he gets lonely very often. Cloud and I are almost never home as it is, and when we are, we're usually tired. It would only tear the poor boy apart if he came with me. It might sound stupid now, but I know my brother, and I wish that I could help, but right now, Axel, I think you can be of more help than me," Leon said. "And Hollow Bastion is very far away…"

It _did _seem stupid at first, Axel thought, but after listening to Leon he understood that it wasn't an option. Hollow Bastion was too far away, too different and too big for Roxas to be alone in. He couldn't risk for Roxas to feel even more lost.

Leon had to leave around midnight. He had a plane leaving at 2 am. The brunet stood up from the chair he was sitting in, and put his jacket on. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer…" he said, casting a worried glance towards the bed. Axel shook his head.

"You can't do more than what is in your power to do…" he muttered.

"Call me if… anything happens," Leon said, turning to leave. When he was by the door he turned halfway around, looking at Axel. "Thank you, for caring about him," he said with a small smile, before he left the room.

Axel walked over to the chair by the bad again, sitting down. His eyes rested on the beautiful face of Roxas. "Roxas…" he whispered. "I wish you felt the same for me as I do for you." Tears were now rolling down his face. "Just wake up,_ please_ wake up. We'll find a way to sort everything out!" The redhead grabbed a hold of the blonde's hand. "We're gonna run away together, don't you remember we said we'd do that?" Axel's voice was shaking as he spoke. "You really made me feel like I was _someone_. And I don't want you to die."

Axel stayed like that, crying silently, until he fell asleep.

-

Another day went by without changes. Roxas' condition stayed the same, and even though he told himself over and over that Roxas would wake up, in his heart Axel was starting to doubt. It seemed like an eternity, the time he'd spent sitting next to Roxas in that damn hospital room. The beeping of the heart-monitor always making itself known, reminding Axel that Roxas was still alive. But Roxas was lying so still. He wasn't moving the least. The blonde was pale and cold, and Axel kept holding onto that hand, waiting for it to move.

Friday night, Axel had problems sleeping again. He just sat in the bedside chair, his elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his palms. The redhead was so tired of crying.

And it seemed like he would never do anything but to sit and wait for a change.

Axel was starting to slumber off. He didn't notice how the heart-monitor suddenly changed its beeping-rhythm. He didn't notice the soft, almost inaudible shuffles in the bedspread of Roxas' bed. But he did notice the hoarse, weak voice addressing him out of the silence in the room.

"Axel…?"

Axel's head snapped up at the sound of his name being spoken by that voice. He felt his heart skip a beat, his breath hitching, as his emerald eyes connected with those cerulean depths of Roxas'.

-

_AN__: Oh dear… Another cliffhanger!  
Next chapter will be up quicker! Because it won't give me so much trouble while writing it!  
I'm SO sorry that this sucks so badly… I can't believe I'm even posting it! Yeah well, I'm done wasting space!  
Review? Omg, please?! Pretty please?_

_Cookies for reviewers :D_


	11. Your Breakdown

**AN:** I cannot even believe myself! This took me so long that it sickens me, really! Life caught up with me! Lots of shit going on, but I am just such a lousy author! Thank you to everyone who've read and reviewed and alerted! I can't believe how many there are! Seriously, I could never have dreamed of it! And here I go spending so effin' long updating that I can't even believe myself! I'll have to do something about that! I'm also really sorry about the reviews that I didn't answer! I usually answer them all, but then I lost track of where I was in answering, and I think I skipped someone! Anyways, I really do appreciate every single review, and you all have permission to throw cookies at me if I don't answer them all this time!

**Note(!):** I _**need**_ a beta-reader. Someone who can do a little nit-picking on me, about my crappy language, my stupid way of building sentences and everything! I know I'm not that good in English, and there's always room for improvement. I'd like someone who wants to do it, who don't mind sitting down and do it… I just hope someone will consider doing it. The person should be better at writing than me, though, or it would be sort of a waste. Thanks :3

**268 reviews**, **130 favs**,**158 alerts** and **18827 hits**! I don't believe my eyes! I adore you people!  
**Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I would also own a bigass house, a shiny car, and the world. Do I? No! Hence, Kingdom Hearts does not belong to be.  
**Warning:** You know the deal by now. It's just a lot of bad angsting! And crying! And angsting! And bad writing! And a lot of thoughts repeating themselves. Over and over. And over. I suck!

**  
Chapter 11:**

-

One of Axel's hands shot to his mouth to cover a gasp, as he looked at the pale blonde lying on the hospital bed. "Roxas," he breathed out, swiftly standing up from the chair he was in.

"Where am I?" Roxas asked hoarsely. "My head hurts…"

Axel cast a fast glance around the room, before he looked into Roxas' cerulean eyes. "You're in the hospital," the redhead said gently.

As his cerulean gaze swept across the room, Roxas' expression turned into one of agony. Inhaling sharply, the boy turned his face away from Axel. The redhead pulled the chair closer to the bed, and sat down. He reached for Roxas' hand, gently running his fingers across the boy's pale skin.

Roxas tensed. How could the older bare to touch him?

The blonde swallowed thickly before he pulled his hand away from Axel's. Roxas didn't want Axel to touch him. He felt so filthy. It would ruin Axel to be near him. Roxas tried biting back the tears that were building in his eyes. He'd betrayed Axel so badly.

The redhead pulled his hand away from the younger boy's. He felt a little… disappointed. There was a little part of him that had hoped for Roxas to have feelings for him. If it wasn't infatuation, then at least Axel had hoped for Roxas to think of him as someone to trust, a shoulder to cry on.

"Roxas…" Axel started, but he was cut off as the door to the room opened. Aerith walked in, and as she smiled softly at Axel. She was used to him sitting next to Roxas' bed now, and took it for granted that he would be there when she entered. Her smile turned into an expression of slight shock as her kind green eyes fell upon the blonde boy in the bed.

"Oh my," she said, hurrying over to the bed. "You're awake." She smiled a truly relieved smile as Roxas' cerulean eyes moved to look at her. The nurse looked at Axel. "When did it happen?" she asked softly.

"Not long since… About two minutes ago," Axel said. Aerith smiled softly again.

"Axel, maybe you should go get yourself something to eat," she said. Axel shook his head, his eyes not leaving the boy on the bed.

"I'd like to stay," he muttered. Aerith sighted softly.

"Axel, listen to me. You have to eat; you're way too skinny already. I would like to check up on Roxas, too. And you haven't had a real meal all the while you've been here. I'm a nurse, and I'm telling you to go eat," she said. "Now!" The addition to her speech came with a smile, though her voice held such high level of authority that the redhead didn't dare do anything but do as she told him.

Axel nodded gently, getting up from the chair he was in. Casting Roxas one last worried glance, he walked out of the room. Aerith turned her head back to Roxas.

"My name is Aerith," she said softly. "How are you feeling?"

Roxas looked at her with a pained expression. It took a little while for him to answer her question. "Like hell," he muttered hoarsely. Aerith walked over to a chair standing by the wall, and brought it back to the bed. She sat down, looking at Roxas with a kind expression. "I understand that," she said. "A big dose of Paralgin Forte is not the best thing for your body."

Roxas moved his gaze away from her knowing eyes. It was like they could see right through a person. Aerith sighed softly. "Axel really cares about you," she said after a little while. "He almost hasn't left your side since he came here with you."

Roxas' eyes widened slightly. He turned to look at the woman. "How long have I been here?" he asked.

"You've been in a coma for 8 days," the nurse answered him. Roxas' heart sank. Axel had been here for eight days? He felt how the guilt welled up in him. How could he have been so selfish? "Now, I'll just go get a doctor," Aerith said, stopping Roxas' train of thought. "I'll be right back." With that, she got up and walked out the door.

-

Axel spent about forty minutes in the cafeteria. He ate slowly, but he was able to get down a lot more than he had the last week. He was so relieved that Roxas had woken up, but yet he was sad. Sad because he knew that the boy he was in love with would never love him back.

After finishing his meal, Axel started making his way back up to Roxas' hospital room. He was nervous, about if Roxas would even want to speak to him. Also, the redhead wasn't even sure of what to say, if they were to talk. He really wanted Roxas to talk to him, tell him everything that was wrong. But he wasn't sure that Roxas wanted to tell him anything. Maybe Roxas had thought about it. How the two of them hadn't known each other for very long. They didn't have much of a relationship. They'd only shared a kiss, after all. Maybe Roxas hadn't found it as special as Axel did.

As Axel walked down the hallway, a doctor walked out of Roxas' room. It was Dr. Weller. He was now the doctor in charge of Roxas, since Dr. Richardson had said himself unwilling to continue as the doctor in charge after he and Axel had another fight over what would be best for the boy in coma. The redhead didn't mind the doctor-change much. He hadn't exactly liked Dr. Richardson. Dr. Weller, on the other hand, was a much nicer, understanding man. Axel had had a few conversations with him during the time he had stayed in the hospital. The doctor smiled at Axel when the redhead approached him. "How is he?" Those were the first words out of Axel's mouth.

"He hasn't taken any damage. Physically, he will be just fine," the doctor answered. "Though, I would like him to talk to a psychiatrist…" Axel worked hard to suppress the frown creeping upon him. He had past with shrinks, when he'd been living at the orphanage. He absolutely loathed them. The redhead nodded courtly, before opening the door to Roxas' room.

"I'm just gonna…" he trailed off as he entered, the door closing behind him. Roxas was sitting in the bed, his eyes directed downwards. Axel walked over to the chair by the bed, sitting down, awkwardly folding his hands in his lap. "How… are you feeling?" he asked quietly. Roxas looked up, his eyes not meeting with Axel's.

"Not so good…" Roxas answered after a little while.

Those were the last words the two of them shared for a while. The doctors let Roxas go on Sunday, after a long discussion with Axel, where the redhead insisted that Roxas came and stayed with him. He would not let the hospital contact those monstrous people who were supposed to be the boy's parents. During Saturday, Roxas spent most of the day sleeping, and Axel did homework, which Demyx had brought him earlier. He also called Demyx and Zexion to tell them that Roxas woke up, much to their relief.

-

Sunday evening, Axel and Roxas arrived at the apartment. Roxas looked around, his eyes stinging at once. It was all so familiar, warm. Last time he'd been here, he'd been happy. It was right before Axel had walked him to the bridge, kissed him. The blonde felt tears build up in his eyes. He wished he'd never left this apartment. He wished he'd stayed with Axel that night, instead of going home. As a sob escaped him, Axel let one of his hands squeeze the boy's shoulder gently.

"Take your time, Roxas," he whispered. Roxas lifted his hand, bringing it up to mere millimetres away from Axel's fingers, but he pulled it away again before they touched. Shaking his head, the boy discarded his shoes, before he walked through the apartment, into the bedroom. He wasn't sure of what else to do.

With sad eyes, Axel watched the boy lock himself in the room. He walked into the apartment, sitting down on his couch. Burying his face in his hands, he bit back the different emotions raging through him. He would have to be patient with Roxas. He would have to let the boy take things at his own pace. But Axel wasn't sure how he should guide Roxas through it.

-

Thursday, Axel knocked the door to his bedroom, softly. "Roxas?" he said. "I have to go to Zexion's house for a band-rehearsal… Will you be okay?" He didn't know how to talk to Roxas at the moment. He had barely seen him since they let him out of the hospital. The redhead had been to school the last days. He wouldn't stay the whole day, being too worried about Roxas. Axel had slept on the couch during the nights. He hadn't wanted to put any pressure on the boy, so he just let Roxas do what he felt was right.

He didn't get an answer from the boy. He hadn't expected one. "If… there's anything you need, just…" Axel didn't finish his sentence. If Roxas was listening, he would understand what he meant. Sighing, Axel walked over to the front door, putting his jacket on and leaving the apartment.

-

Roxas sat on the floor of Axel's bedroom, listening when the door of the redhead's apartment shut when Axel left. He couldn't believe his own cruelness, making Axel suffer like this. He wished he could tell Axel everything, but he was scared. He was scared to hurt Axel. He was scared that what he still felt towards the older boy would only end up hurting Axel. And he was scared of what would happen if he told anyone. It wouldn't be over if he told someone. It would only stir things up more, wouldn't it?

So, in his despair, Roxas had locked himself inside Axel's room, only coming out when Axel wasn't around. He had barely eaten anything for days, and he hadn't slept, except for when he'd blacked out from exhaustion. Every time he closed his eyes he had flashbacks.

Every time Axel knocked his door, silently, softly, asking him if he was okay, Roxas would walk up to the door, putting his hand on the door handle, wanting to open it, wanting to see Axel's face, but he didn't manage. He was too scared.

-

Rehearsal went surprisingly well. Singing really made Axel relax, made him forget about some of the things that were happening. He hadn't had time to be nervous about their concert. It still seemed distant, and in the middle of everything that happened, unimportant. This had been the band's last rehearsal before Saturday, and they were doing good, so there was no reason to worry about that.

When the band had finished playing, Axel was quick to grab his guitar and retreat to the hallway to take his leave. He felt bad about leaving Roxas, and he was worried about it, too. As he put on his jacket, Demyx came walking out of the livingroom. His sea-green eyes were careful. "How is Roxas?" he asked silently. Axel had noticed during the day that everyone had done their best to avoid the subject. The redhead sighed, leaning his back against the front door.

"He's not so good… He's locked himself in my room for days now; I've barely talked to him…" Axel said, his voice threatening to crack as he once again started to feel helpless. Demyx's usually joyous face twisted into a sad mask that didn't suit him. The blonde walked over to his taller friend, pulling him into a hug.

"He'll talk," Demyx whispered. "Just give him some time… I'm sure he wants to tell you. He's probably afraid of hurting you…"

Axel let out a shaking breath. He'd really kept all his desperation inside for a while. "I… Thank you, Dem," he said. Demyx pulled away, a small smile on his lips.

"I'll see you on Saturday, Axel," he said, pecking the redhead's cheek lightly, before heading back into the livingroom. Picking up his guitar, he walked out the door and headed to his apartment, hoping that Roxas would be okay.

-

Friday morning, Roxas still hadn't left the bedroom. Axel heard him moving in there, he heard the broken sobs from the boy at night. But each time he knocked the door, the redhead would get no answer.

Axel stood by the window again, looking out. He hadn't bothered to go to school. He was trying to deny the feelings building inside him, but he couldn't stop them anymore. He couldn't help the way he felt for Roxas, and he couldn't help the single, painful question constantly entering his mind.

The redhead was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Roxas had moved from the bedroom and sat down on the couch, before he turned and looked at the blonde. The younger looked terrible, like he hadn't slept for days. All life was drained from the cerulean eyes as they stared at the wall. Axel felt his heart sink. The boy was still so beautiful. Even broken like this.

He felt selfish. Axel wanted Roxas to be his. He wanted to hold him, wanted to be the one telling him everything would be alright. And the question he so desperately wanted to ask kept playing in his mind. He couldn't hold back any longer.

"Roxas?"

Axel's voice was low. The blonde looked up, careful not to fully meet the older's eyes. Axel walked over to the couch, sitting down next to the boy. He let his hand move to rest on one of Roxas' knees. The boy tensed at the touch. How could Axel keep touching him? Roxas felt filthy. He was disgusting, that's what he thought of himself.

"Roxas, please, just say something," Axel said, voice giving off a tint of desperation. He couldn't keep the one question bottled up anymore. "I don't expect anything from you, but I just want to know… Did you do anything with Riku?"

Roxas' head shot up and he looked at Axel with a terrified expression. How could the redhead know? Moving his gaze away again, Roxas let out a shaky breath. When Roxas didn't answer, Axel felt his heart sink. He nodded slowly. "I understand," he muttered. He cast a glance towards Roxas, noticing how the boy had pulled the left arm of his hoodie all the way down over his hand.

"Did you… cut yourself again?" Axel whispered sadly. Roxas let out a low sob, hugging his left arm tightly to his body. The boy shook his head gently as tears welled up in his eyes. "I saw…" Axel said. Cerulean eyes widened slightly, as Roxas looked up at Axel, meeting the redhead's gaze. "In the hospital, I saw… You have to be_careful_, Roxas! What if you go too far?" the redhead said. A tear rolled down Roxas' face as the boy let out another weak sob.

"I…" the boy breathed out.

"Roxas, please don't do things like that anymore," Axel begged. "I've almost lost you once!"

"I didn't," Roxas whispered. Axel looked at him.

"What?" he asked. Roxas shut his eyes tightly, another sob passing his lips.

"I didn't cut myself," the boy breathed out, getting up from the couch. He walked over to the window, staring out, hugging his own body tightly with his arms. Axel got up, walking over to the boy. He gently laid a hand on Roxas' shoulder. The blonde turned around, giving Axel a pleading look. "Please," Roxas whispered. "Please don't touch me like this."

Axel let his hand fall. "Why?" he asked gently. Roxas hugged his arms around himself. As the boy shook his head, Axel walked back to the couch. The room stayed silent for a little while, the only sound ripping through the air was Roxas' weak sobs as he tried to get a hold of his tears. After a while, the redhead had to ask Roxas something that had been bothering him for a while.

"Do you love him?" Axel asked silently. The blonde boy turned around, looking at Axel with teary eyes. "Riku, I mean…" the redhead added. Roxas shook his head.

"No…" he whispered. "I hate him!" the boy said, his voice slightly louder now. His body trembling, Roxas sat down on the floor, crying into his hands. "How can I do anything but hate him after what he did?" the boy cried desperately, before he noticed the meaning of the words leaving his mouth. The boy inhaled sharply, clasping a hand over his lips.

"What?" Axel breathed out. "What did he do?" he asked, walking over to Roxas again. The redhead sat down in front of the smaller boy, grabbing a hold of the boy's shoulders. When Roxas showed no signs of planning on answering his question, Axel shook the boy gently. "Roxas!"

The boy shook his head rapidly. He couldn't tell anyone. He could let Axel know. "I can't…" he muttered. Axel looked at him with a desperate look in his eyes.

"You can't _what_!" he demanded. More tears made their way from Roxas' eyes. He tried to get away from Axel's hands touching his shoulders, but the redhead fastened his grip. "Roxas, tell me," Axel begged. Roxas shook his head again.

"Don't… make me do this," he sobbed desperately as he got up from the floor, making Axel release his grip on his shoulders. "I can't…" the boy said again. Axel got up as well, wrapping his arms around Roxas' shoulders from behind.

"Tell me, please," he whispered gently into the blonde's ear, as tears built in his own eyes. "I need to know what's wrong."

Roxas pulled out of Axel's grip, turning around to face the older. "Don't touch me," he said weakly. "I'm not worth it…" Roxas sobbed. Axel looked at him with a bewildered expression.

"Roxas, what're you_saying_!" he asked softly. Roxas wrapped his arms around himself again.

"I'm so filthy…" the boy whispered. Axel watched the boy with sad eyes. He reached his hand out, carefully cupping Roxas' chin, tilting it upwards. The redhead connected his emerald gaze with Roxas'.

"What did he do to you?" Axel asked, a tear falling from one of his eyes. Roxas shook his head again, closing his eyes as new tears streamed down his face.

"I can't…" the boy said again. Axel felt the desperation build in him again.

"He did something to you! Now please tell me what," he begged. The blonde shook his head harder this time, turning away from the older.

"No…" Roxas sobbed.

"Roxas…" Axel started.

"_Stop it_!" Roxas shouted. The boy let out a few more sobs, before turning to face Axel again. "Why can't you stop caring?" he asked harshly. Roxas' words hit Axel hard. He felt the different emotions rise in him. How could Roxas even ask him that?

"I love you!" he cried out in desperation. Roxas' expression turned into one of shock, his mouth falling slightly agape. As the words Axel had spoken dawned upon the blonde, Roxas shook his head.

"No…" he whispered. "No, Axel, you can't," he said, a new sob escaping his throat. Roxas walked over to the couch, sitting down. The boy buried his face in his palms, crying silently. Axel watched the blonde with sad eyes. He walked slowly across the room to the couch, sitting down on the floor in front of Roxas. He reached up, taking a hold of one of the other's hands. He noticed how Roxas tensed and tried to pull away, but Axel wouldn't let go of the smaller hand. He pressed it softly against the side of his face. Roxas' cerulean gaze was fixed upon him, tears still running freely down his cheeks. "Let go…" he whispered weakly. Axel shook his head, keeping the hand in place with both of his own.

"I can't…" Axel said, his voice as soft as velvet. "I want to know why you won't let me touch you." His emerald eyes met with that sapphire stare.

"I'll ruin you…" the blonde whispered. Smiling weakly, Axel got up from the floor. He sat down in the couch, next to Roxas. Putting his arms around the younger boy, the redhead pulled him close to his chest, small hushing sounds making their way past his lips, as to soothe Roxas' crying. The blonde finally gave in to the other's touches sinking into his embrace, crying into the fabric of Axel's shirt.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take," the redhead said lowly. Roxas was shaking badly.

"I'm so h-horrible…" the younger said. The other shook his head.

"It's not true, Roxas," Axel whispered. "Whatever it is that happened to you, you're still worth so much." The older let another tear descend from him, as he inhaled deeply, his breath trembling a little. "Please, Roxas… Tell me. I need to know, because I care about you…"

Roxas shook his head weakly. "That only makes it worse…" he muttered, tightening his grip around the blonde. Roxas cringed. The way Axel held him, it was almost too much for him to handle. As images of being pinned to his bed that night he had been raped flashed through his mind, he felt his whole body go stiff, his every muscle tightening with uncontrollable fear at the secure grip he was held with. But then, Axel softly pressed his lips to the top of Roxas head, nuzzling the blonde locks in the sweetest, most caring way he could. And the boy let all his tension slip away at the soft caress. He knew then that he could trust Axel, at the sudden warmth that managed to fill the dark hole eating away at him. If it hadn't been for the redhead, he wouldn't be alive. He would have died on the cold floor of his bedroom, left for his heartless parents to find. The blonde looked up to meet with tear-filled emerald eyes. Why did he have to cause Axel this much pain? He felt cruel.

Sitting up a little, his body finally not shaking anymore, he brought his face close to the redhead's, their foreheads touching. Axel's gaze was locked with Roxas', as he slowly closed the gap between them, covering Roxas' lips with his own. The blonde inhaled nervously, his cerulean eyes gliding shut. He felt his whole body go limp at the warm kiss. His hands clumsily found their way to Axel's hair, fingers desperately entwining with the soft, crimson spikes. The boy started kissing back, giving in to the desperation tugging at his heart. In the intensity of the kiss they shared, memories of the fragile, warm happiness he'd felt that first time Axel kissed him spun through Roxas' mind, helping him forget the pain inside.

As the redhead let his tongue gently graze across the younger's bottom lip, Roxas' thoughts shot back to reality. What was he doing? Kissing Axel would only lead to hurting the redhead more.

"No…" Roxas breathed, pulling out of Axel's arms. "I'm hurting you."

Axel's eyes were bewildered, confused.

Roxas swallowed thickly, his body shaking again. He couldn't keep it all bottled up anymore. Before he could stop himself, the words flooded from his mouth. "It's so bad, Axel! I feel so wrong and filthy that I don't know what to do anymore! It hurts!" The tears Roxas had been fighting now rolled down his face. Sobbing, the boy locked his miserably sad gaze with Axel's. "I still feel him inside me…"

The older boy's face was expressionless as realization dawned upon him. Only the emerald-shaded depths of his eyes mirrored the pain Roxas' words inflicted in him. "You said… You said you didn't sleep with him!" the redhead muttered acrimoniously.

"I didn't!" Roxas cried, before his voice toned down to a mere whisper. "He forced me…"

"Did he… rape you?" Axel's voice was low, cold somehow. Roxas bit his lip, hard, as he buried his face in his hands again. Now Axel knew. It was over. The redhead would never want to touch him, or see him, or even talk to him again. As soft, barely audible sobs passed Roxas lips, Axel stared in disbelief at the younger.

How could he have been so stupid, not figuring out what had happened to Roxas before? How could he have been so blind? Axel hated himself now, for not being observant enough to notice it. It all made sense; Roxas' brokenness, Riku's bragging. He hated himself now, for even thinking that Roxas could have done something so wrong as to sleep with Riku in the first place. He'd never given off any signals at all to being a guy like that, and that was one of the first thoughts that had hit Axel when Zexion told him the rumours. Although he'd denied believing it, he had doubted just the slightest. How could he be such a fucking horrible person? "He raped you," Axel repeated, his voice now shaking. Shaking with fury he built up against himself, shaking with the loathing that was pointed towards Riku.

And it was shaking with miserable sadness, as he finally knew what had happened to the one person he loved.

Shaking his head as he finally let tears run freely from him, Axel pulled Roxas into his lap, embracing him as best as he could. Roxas couldn't understand why Axel was even still in the same room as him. As soothing hushing-sounds echoed from the redheads lips into the younger's ear, Roxas finally relaxed. And they stayed like that, curled up in an embrace on the couch, as weeks worth of bottled up emotions finally ran free.

-

_AN:__ Chapter 11. Done. Finally. I've never taken so long writing a chapter, ever! I hate myself! And I don't like this chapter! Then again, I never do… It's because I wrote it. I'm not really allowed to like it. But, it still sucks! And it's short! And I'm sorry T.T_

_Thank you so much, all of you, for encouraging me, for writing such wonderful reviews, for reading my story! You are all just great, and you deserve a big hug!_

_Again, I mention my need for a __**Beta**__. :3  
__  
Reviewers get cookies, of course, and a yummy Norwegian Freia Chocolate Easter-egg! _


	12. His Warmth

HAPPY AKUROKU DAY! 8D

**AN:** Okay, I believe I have like… 200 people out there who wish to shoot me now! I'm slow! No, I'm beyond slow, I'm just unbelievable. I can't believe I spend so much bloody TIME getting a new chapter up! To tell the truth, this only took me about three days worth of writing! I could have done it months ago, and still I managed to spend the whole friggin' summer before updating! -gets shot- I really am sorry! I will be happy if even only three people still read this now XD And, I'm sorry for the reviews I haven't replied to! They all warm my heart, but when I lose track of where I am in replying, I just fail! TT

Lots of stuff has been happening though… I got myself a girlfriend. She's fantastic, and I love her beyond anything! I've been doing stuff with my cosplay-group (which is HUGE now! 22 KH-cosplayers!), I went to a con… I won the hugging-competition XD I started rp-ing! I blame my friend for that, and that's the main reason I haven't been writing fics! Yaoidreams is my friend! If you wish to find me to do an rp, go ahead and ask xD Okay, enough babbling now!

So, thank you so bloody much for all the reviews and favorites and alerts! Are you guys aware of how many there are?! This story has **329 reviews**! **168 favorites**, **200 alerts**! Over **23 600 hits**… Wow! I do not believe it! I mean… Gods, I love you people! How did this even HAPPEN?!

Thank you to all of you people who offered to help me by being my beta! I was truly touched by that! I'd like to thank Amme Moto for doing it for me now! And, a special thanks to _**Crashkai**_ for my **300****th** review!

The Saw-movies are amusing! (Randomness! XD)

PS: Explanation, yay! Song-structure! I just felt like mentioning it. There's a song in this chapter. Aaaand, I'm just going to explain to the people who may get confused (because I would!) So, this is how it is, when it comes to who's singing. _Axel (Demyx) _ ! Yay, very simple, ne? Okay, on with the show!

This chapter is dedicated to my favorite fag in the whole world: AKU!! I love you!

**Category:** Romance/Angst  
**Pairing**: Axel x Roxas  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I would have set all the fantastic yaoi-action to life! Can I? No... Hence, I don't own Kingdom Hearts.  
**Warning: **My loved ones! Again, the story earns its' rating! I will not tell you why! Half of you have already figured, half of you will figure while reading! I just want to say, this chapter contains a scene that was one of the hardest things I've ever written! Yay, I suck!

**Chapter 12: **

Axel couldn't sleep. He was tired, but he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. He couldn't tear the emerald orbs away from the boy sleeping next to him on the couch. Roxas had cried himself to sleep in his lap, and Axel had barely dared to move the boy to rest his head on the couch and not the redhead. The older knew Roxas needed sleep now, above anything. He didn't know if the boy had gotten any sleep the last couple of days.

Leaning forwards, his elbows on his knees, Axel buried his face in his hands. He was fighting his thoughts; he was fighting them so badly. It hurt him that Roxas hadn't told him anything before he broke. And yet, he understood it. He knew Roxas had been scared and desperate, and not able to talk about it. The redhead felt like crying... He felt like screaming his lungs out and hitting the wall until his hands bled. He felt like hunting down Riku, and making him regret what he had done.

Never had he had such an urge to physically hurt someone. Not even his stepfather, with all the times of abuse in the past. No, this was worse. Riku; he'd hurt one of the people Axel cared about the most, and he was not going to forget about it. He wanted to hurt Riku just as badly. He wanted to fucking kill the bastard, as slowly and painfully as he possibly could.

Bringing his hands to his hair, Axel tugged violently at some red locks. He took a deep breath, his body trembling. He was a mess; he had to control himself more. For Roxas' sake...

He just didn't know what to do. How would he talk to Roxas about this? How could he stay calm and focused while he had so many thoughts raging inside him? He didn't know if he could at all... Turning his head to look at Roxas again, the redhead sighed softly. It was so unfair, so bloody unfair that someone as beautiful and gentle as Roxas had suffered so severely. He couldn't believe it. The world really was fucked up!

Leaning across the couch, Axel let his hand gently brush a few strands of hair from the sleeping boy's face. His heart really did beat faster for Roxas. Axel wanted to give him the world, and yet he knew he could do so little.

He took the blonde's hand in his, entangling their fingers. Leading the smaller hand to his face, Axel softly brushed his lips against the warm skin. Sitting like this, touching Roxas in the softest ways he could, having all these thoughts raging inside his head, it reminded Axel so of the week Roxas had been in a coma. All he had done was sit next to the boy, hoping he would wake up, holding his hand, delivering gently touches and sweet kisses, trying his best not to lose hope.

The redhead didn't really realize he was crying until a tear fell upon Roxas' hand. Closing his eyes, Axel tried stopping the drops running down his face, but he couldn't. He was too emotional now, he couldn't help but cry.

Slowly, the blonde on the couch stirred, before opening his cerulean eyes. Axel quickly turned his face away, to prevent Roxas from seeing his tears. When he was like this, he didn't want anyone to see him. He felt the boy next to him in the couch sit up, the weight shifting. The boy didn't remove his hand from the grip of Axel's own hand though.

"Axel?" Roxas spoke softly, putting his free hand on Axel's shoulder. The redhead still didn't look at him, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the tears from his face. "Axel..." Roxas whispered, getting up from the couch to move around the redhead, sitting down in front of him. Bringing both his hands to Axel's face, he turned it to look at him.

Roxas could feel his heart sting at the sight of Axel's tears. He knew he was the reason behind the tears.

"Don't..." Axel said softly. Roxas' eyebrows furrowed, his eyes full of worry. "I don't want you to see me like this..." he muttered, averting his eyes from the blonde. Roxas sighed softly.

"I don't care if you cry Axel..." he said, wiping a tear from the older teen's face with his thumb. After all Axel had done for him, Roxas couldn't let Axel suffer alone like this. The redhead had opened his heart so much to him, and cared for him when he needed it. He couldn't bear seeing Axel like this. And everything was his fault, Roxas knew it. "Talk to me." His words were careful and soft.

Axel looked at him, hesitating slightly. What was he going to say? He had no idea how to put his feelings into words! He couldn't tell Roxas that he felt miserable because he knew the blonde was filled with pain; Roxas would only blame himself further. "I..." He gave up, sighing as he looked back down. "What should we do...?" he asked after a little while. Roxas looked at his with a slightly confused expression.

"About what?" he asked, letting his hands drop from Axel's face. He halfway knew what Axel meant, but he hoped he was wrong. He didn't want to think about it...

"About... Riku," Axel said, speaking the name with venom dripping from his voice. Roxas cringed at the mentioning of the silver-haired teen. He let out a shaky breath, looking at Axel with pleading eyes.

"Nothing," he whispered, folding his hands in his lap. "We're not going to do anything at all..."

Axel exhaled, dragging a hand through his crimson hair. "I can't just..." He didn't finish his sentence. Roxas shook his head.

"Yes, Axel, you can..." he said. His heart was beating faster; he was starting to get scared. If Axel went after Riku, the redhead could end up getting hurt. Also... Riku had told him not to tell anyone. If he found out, then...

Roxas shuddered at the thought. The blonde brought his attention back up to Axel, who was shaking his head. The redhead was no longer crying, he looked more angry than sad.

"No, I can't, Roxas!" he said, his emerald eyes giving the blonde a desperate look. "I can't just ignore it! I want him to suffer for how badly he hurt you!" Getting up from the couch, he walked over to the nearest wall. He rested his head against it, trying to calm himself again. He didn't want Roxas to see this.

"Axel, you can't go after him," Roxas whispered, a tear slowly rolling down his chin. Axel shook his head. With a loud thud, the redhead's fist hit the wall. "Axel..." the blonde on the floor pleaded, but the older teen was making his way to the hallway to put on his shoes and jacket.

"I'll be back later," he said, casting Roxas an apologetic glance, before walking out the door, locking it behind him.

The crisp winter air hit the redhead's face with little sympathy. Inhaling deeply, Axel started making his way down the street from his apartment-building in a quick pace.

He had needed some fresh air. He had to get out of the apartment before he'd started yelling at Roxas. Axel was so angry at himself at the moment, he couldn't stand it. He shouldn't have acted like that in front of the younger. If he couldn't be a stabile rock for the blonde to hold on to, what would?

Sighing heavily, Axel stuffed his hands into the pocket of his jacket, angrily kicking some snow on the ground. He wanted to hurt Riku so badly...

-

Roxas sat alone in Axel's apartment. He was scared, so absolutely terrified. Axel had stormed out, leaving the blonde with no idea of where he was going. What if Axel had gone out to try and find Riku? What if he got himself hurt? Walking over to the window, Roxas stared out. It was snowing again... He hated the snow...

Roxas exhaled shakily, trying to convince himself in his mind that Axel would be fine... The redhead had said he loved Roxas, hadn't he? He wouldn't get himself hurt then, could he?

The blonde made his way over to the couch and sat down. Axel loved him, he'd said...

Knowing that should've made him happier than anything... And yet, it made his heart ache. Because he didn't know if he loved Axel back... He didn't know if he _could_. He didn't know if he was capable. He was just such a mess; he didn't even know what Axel could possibly see in him. Roxas didn't know if he had anything to give the redhead in return. He was broken, torn to pieces. He had been used by Riku, which made him so filthy... He didn't want Axel to love someone like him...

Axel was such a kind, caring, wonderful, talented, gorgeous, handsome person. Roxas didn't feel like he deserved any of it. But he still couldn't help that he liked Axel. He really did... But he wanted the redhead to be happy...

-

Axel was standing on the bridge, leaning against the railing, his emerald eyes focused on the half-frozen river below. He didn't know why he ended up at this place, he just had.

When thinking about it, he understood that Roxas was scared. Riku was capable of doing a lot; he had much influence when it came to people around school and such... Of course Roxas was frightened, anyone would've been. Axel knew he would have to try and see it from Roxas' point of view.

So, he would try to stay calm, for Roxas' sake.

-

Axel made his way into the apartment silently, so he wouldn't wake Roxas if the boy had fallen asleep again. After discarding his shoes and jacket, he walked into the living room, to be met by Roxas locking his arms around the taller male's waist. Axel inhaled sharply, a little startled by the boy. Roxas looked at him, Axel noticing at once that there was something not completely right. "Roxas?" he asked slowly. The blonde bit his lip, before taking a step back.

"Will you sleep with me, Axel?" he asked, his voice low. He brought his gaze to the floor, not daring to look at the older male.

Axel was speechless. That question had been the last he would ever have expected to hear. "W-what?" he asked, giving the younger a bewildered look. Roxas looked at him again, his expression unreadable.

"You heard what I said..." he muttered. "Just... please!" The last word was merely a pleading whisper. Roxas brought Axel's face down on level with his own, pressing their lips together in a kiss. It was rougher than it should be... It held too much desperation.

Axel was confused. He had no idea why Roxas had asked him something like that. Sleep with him? Of course, the thought has grazed his mind a few times, but he'd never actually... The redhead let out a small moan as the younger male bit down on his bottom lip. Why was Roxas doing this?

Breaking the kiss Roxas pulled the other male with him over to the couch. Sitting down, the redhead doing the same, Roxas brought their lips together again. He lay down on his back on the couch, bringing the redhead with him without breaking the kiss. As Roxas trailed his hand down the front of Axel's torso, the redhead pulled away slightly, the confusion he felt shining clearly from his eyes. He couldn't just go through with something like this completely out of the blue. It didn't feel right.

"Why?" Axel asked, looking at the other with a sad expression.

"I can't take it anymore..." Roxas said, tears building in his eyes. "I can't stand having this feeling inside me!" The blonde sat up in the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest. Axel looked at him, slight hurt shining from the emerald depths of his eyes.

So, that was why Roxas asked him to do this... Not because he wanted to, but because he didn't want the feeling of Riku inside him anymore. Axel didn't know why it hurt him so much... He understood how terrible it had to be for Roxas, and yet he couldn't help but feeling... used. Groaning lowly, Axel turned his body slightly away from the younger blonde. Why did his heart have to ache so much? "I see..." he muttered softly.

Roxas let out a low sob. "I'm so sorry, Axel..." he said, reaching out to touch the redhead's shoulder, though pulled away before they made contact. Shaking his head, he got up from the couch, before hastily making his way to the bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Axel's body was tense. He exhaled , before bringing his head to rest in his hands again. He didn't know how this was going to go. He felt so much for the blonde boy, and yet it tore him apart at the moment. He wanted Roxas to be happy, to feel safe, but it didn't seem as if that would be so easy. Though, no one had ever claimed that love was easy...

Casting a glance on the clock, Axel's eyes widened. He would have to leave soon, if he was going to make it in time. Getting up from the couch, he made his way to the bathroom to get ready.

Half an hour later, Axel softly knocked the door to the bedroom. "Roxas... I have to go... My band is going to play somewhere tonight, so..." he didn't really complete his sentence. He looked at the door with sad eyes. He pressed his palm against the cold wooden surface for a few seconds, before turning around and walking to the hallway. After putting on his shoes and jacket, he picked up his guitar-bag and walked out of the apartment, locking the door behind him.

-

Roxas sat completely still until he heard the front door to Axel's apartment shut. He felt so stupid at the moment. What the hell had he been thinking asking Axel something like that?! It was the stupidest and most selfish thing he had ever done! Axel would never want to talk to him again. It had been so rushed; Roxas hadn't even known if he would've been able to do it. He probably wouldn't... He would've been too scared to feel the same kind of pain again.

He just couldn't stand the aching feeling of Riku anymore. It was like he was still there, no matter how many times Roxas took a shower, scrubbing his body sore, he still felt filthy.

Angrily wiping away his tears, Roxas sighed. He kept hurting Axel, over and over! He was such a mean, unworthy person. It had never been that bad hurting himself, but when someone he cared for got dragged down in his misery with him...

Roxas' thoughts were distracted by the sound of his cell phone. Locating the device, Roxas checked the screen. He had seven unread messages... Opening his inbox, he checked who the messages were from. The first two were from Hayner, then two from Naminé, and then yet another one from Hayner. The last two were from Demyx, and the most recently received ones. He couldn't remember having Demyx's number on his phone... Maybe the older blonde had put it in there himself... one could never know when it came to Demyx. Roxas opened the message, reading the content.

_"Hi Rox! I dunno if stubborn Axie even told you, but Dying Flames has this concert-ish thing tonight! I know, it's awesome, right!? So, seeing I know Axel, he hasn't told you, because he wouldn't think you'd care that much, so he wouldn't want to force you to come along. But hey, I really think you do want to be there... So, I'm sending you another message with the time and the address to the place. There's money in the pockets of one of your new pairs of pants. I put them there, love me NAO! xD So, hope to see you there. Hugs and all that jazz, DEMYX!!"_

Roxas stared disbelievingly at the message for a few seconds. Could one even write that long messages on a phone? And... wait, what? Axel's band had a concert? Why didn't he know that? Axel... hadn't wanted to force him to come along? The blonde blinked away a few tears forming in his eyes. Axel _cared_ so much.

A concert... Come to think of it, he hadn't heard Axel sing since the morning after he had talked him out of jumping from the bridge... Axel's singing had been what had made Roxas really notice him for the first time.

Looking at his cell phone again, Roxas found the other message from the older blonde. Yes, there was indeed an address and the name of a place... That place was pretty huge, too.

Roxas ran a hand through his blonde locks, before locating the bags that were still full of his clothes. Finding all the pants, he looked through the pockets, finding a few neatly folded notes. Roxas stared at the money in disbelief. Demyx could not _possibly _be sane. No one just gives their friends 100 bucks just out of the blue. It just didn't happen. Roxas landed on the conclusion that Demyx was doing some kind of illegal substance he shouldn't be doing... or he was just plain insane. Yes, one of the above.

Roxas looked at the time of the concert, and the current time displayed on his cell phone. Damn, he only had forty minutes to get there. Quickly grabbing a pair of pants and striped dark blue and black sweater, Roxas made his way to the bathroom. After changing clothes and quickly fixing his hair, he found his cell again, dialling to call a taxi. This was insane...

-

Axel ran a hand nervously through his hair, biting his lip softly. There were a lot of people out there... Lots of people made him slightly nervous, even though he hated to admit it. At least it let him take his mind off Roxas for a little while... Demyx came up to him, his happy smile slightly amused. "Are you nervous, Axel?" he asked, nudging the taller male's arm playfully. The redhead smiled at him, pushing lightly.

"Shut up, Dem," he grinned. Yes, he was a little nervous. There were so many people, and they had planned to play their new song. What if people didn't like it? What if Zexion was a big, fat liar when it came to saying the song was good! Demyx just laughed.

"Seriously, Axel, we're going to blow the minds of these people with our kickass music," Demyx grinned. "They will all obey us, and we will rule the world!" The blonde's carefree comments made Axel relax a little. Demyx just had that effect. Yuffie and Zexion came over to join them.

"Guys! We hit the stage in seven minutes!" Yuffie chimed, seemingly just as psyched about the whole thing as Demyx was. Zexion looked calm enough, a small smile upon his lips. Sure, he could be calm! He didn't have to sing!

The minutes seemed to run away very quickly, and all too soon a guy came up to the teens and told them to get ready. Axel let out a nervous laugh, earning him yet another nudge from Demyx. The redhead was about to push the blonde again, but Demyx was suddenly occupied with kissing the living daylights out of Zexion, while a giggling Yuffie watched them. Axel cleared his throat. "Guys, wouldn't it be better to do that when we come off the stage again?"

Demy laughed. "_If_ we come off the stage again, you mean." A wicked grin spread across his face at his words. Axel laughed a little at his friend.

"Demyx, you're a dork!" the redhead commented, picking up his guitar and got ready to walk on stage.

"Always at your service!" Demyx grinned, as he, Zexion and Yuffie followed Axel to the stage entrance. This was going to be interesting.

-

Roxas entered the locale, a little shocked by the huge crowd of people in there. Wow, there were more people than there had been at the school's Christmas party. Was Axel's band really going to play in front of all these people?

The blonde was standing by the wall to the right, not too far from the stage. He had a good, clear view of the stage, but he wouldn't be seen. He didn't want Axel to see him there. He didn't want to do anything to distract the redhead from what he was doing.

The crowd gave a cheer as the band entered the stage. Roxas' head snapped up, his eyes immediately seeking out the tall redhead.

If possible, Axel looked better than the first time Roxas had seen him. The black, skinny-jeans the redhead wore looked like they were made for Axel and Axel alone. Roxas was absolutely sure that there was no person alive who could look that good in a pair of jeans. For a top, the redhead wore a long-sleeved red and black striped sweater and a black pinstriped vest over that, perfectly complimenting his slim frame.

Roxas' heart sped up a little for every detail he took in. Of course Axel wore accessories, belts and chains attached to his hips, and a pair of black and red chess-patterned Converse. Roxas was simply unable to tear his eyes away.

Axel greeted the audience in a way similar to what he had done at the Christmas party, talking freely to them, introducing his band before announcing what song they were going to play. Roxas smiled as the band started playing the intro of the first song. They really were talented. Roxas scowled darkly as a girl standing close to him commented to her friend how hot the lead singer was. _'Yeah, keep dreaming!'_ Roxas thought smugly.

The band played three songs before Axel made his next announcement.

"Okay, this will be our last song and then you'll get rid of us," the redhead laughed. "I wrote it for someone whom I care a lot about." His comment caused a few of the girls in the audience to swoon further. Roxas was positive that his heart had just skipped a beat.

Axel couldn't have... Was he talking about Roxas? The blonde didn't believe it.

"It's called 'Do You Remember?'!" The redhead smiled, and the band started playing. The intro started with a few slow beats, before the guitars kicked in. As Axel brought his lips close to the microphone again and started singing, Roxas' heart did a small leap.

_  
"Don't need no cash we can make a dash hit the street  
__It's always been, it's always been you and me  
__Baby it's cool, you suck at school anyway  
So pack it up let's run away, run away _

_I know them bruises ain't from falling down__  
(I'm here to save you from falling down)  
__They seem to show when your drunk dad's around  
We can go whenever you let go (Just let go)  
Whenever you let go_

_Do you remember?__  
We said we'd run away together__  
Holding on to one another__  
I'll steal the car, steal the credit cards  
We'll run forever holding on to one another"_

Roxas had a small smile written upon his lips as he fought the tears building in his eyes. This was really written for him? Axel had... The blonde was still unable to believe it as he listened to the song, again mesmerized by the beauty of Axel's voice.

_"This is the day, into night I'll be there__  
You know the time,  
you know the time don't be scared__  
Get all your CD's, get all your posters  
Get what you need from their wallets and purses _

_I know them bruises ain't from falling down (tell the truth)__  
(I'm here to save you from falling down)__  
They seem to show when your drunk dad's around  
We can go whenever you let go (Just let go)  
Whenever you let go  
_

_Do you remember  
__We said we'd run away together__  
Holding on to one another  
__I'll steal the car, steal the credit cards  
We'll run forever holding on to one another _

_And when we're all alone__  
With no one there to bother__(tell the truth)  
__I'll treat you like a queen  
__Forget about your father__  
There's no means that justify you  
Living your whole life in pain (tell the truth) _

_I know them bruises ain't from falling down__  
They seem to show when your drunk dad's around__  
We can go whenever you let go  
Whenever you let go_

_Do you remember?  
__We said we'd run away together  
__Holding on to one another__  
I'll steal the car, steal the credit cards  
We'll run forever holding on to one another_

_(I'm here to save you)_

_Do you remember?_

_(I'm here to save you from falling down)  
Do you remember? (I'm here to save you)  
Do you remember? (I'm here to save you from falling down)  
Do you remember?_

_(Do you remember?)"_

As the last tones of the music died out and the crowd went wild once again, Roxas couldn't stop the tears that fell. For once, they weren't sad tears. No, he'd never in his life felt such overwhelming warmth build up inside him.

Had Axel really written this for him, this beautiful piece of music? Could the redhead really love him that much? Completely ignoring the strange looks he got from a few people around him, Roxas wiped the tears off his face with the sleeve of his sweater. He kept his gaze on Axel until the band had left the stage, before he left the locale.

The cold, snow-filled winter air didn't bother Roxas at all now. He didn't pay attention to it, he was deep in his warm thoughts. His feelings finally started to dawn upon him.

-

The members of Dying Flames were heading home at last, after a long night. The manager of the place had been ecstatic when the band left the stage. He had assured them that this was not the last big thing they would do.

Yuffie and Demyx were currently suffering from the most hyperactive, happy sugar-rush of the century, bouncing down the street singing Disney-songs (terribly off key, but they didn't seem to mind). Axel and Zexion were walking in the back, chuckling at their friends' stupidity. After a little while they reached the point where Yuffie would take a different street than the boys.  
_  
_"Well, good night then, guys!" Yuffie smiled, bouncing happily as she landed a hug and a kiss on the cheek on each of the boys, having slight difficulties with Axel, seeing she reached no further than his chest. "Thanks for an awesome night!" she smiled, before slapping Demyx lightly as he whined something about 'lesbian-cooties'. With that, she walked down the road that led to her house.

The remaining three band-members started walking again, chattering lightly. After walking for a short while, they turned a corner. Axel stopped dead in his tracks, his emerald eyes fixated on something not far down the road. There was a group of teens, ten or so, standing on the sidewalk, talking loudly amongst themselves. The one who had Axel's attention was the one of them who was most likely the easiest to notice, and seemed to be the centre of attention. His long, silver hair was not to be mistaken; it wasn't the most common colour to see around.

"Axel?" Zexion asked as he noticed the redhead's sudden change of mood. Axel ignored his friend, feeling the rage build in him faster than fire spreads in dry grass. Without thinking, the redhead started making his way towards the group of teens in a quick pace.

"Hey Riku!" he shouted loudly, causing the other male to turn towards the unfamiliar voice. Before he registered what happened, Riku was brutally pushed against the brick wall by the tall redhead. "You fucking son of a bitch!" Axel hissed, fury radiating from him like never before. Riku gave him a dull look, showing no particular interest in the other male.

"Do I know you?" he questioned nonchalantly. Axel growled, before his fist collided heavily with Riku's jaw. The redhead didn't pay any attention to the "Hey dude, chill!"'s and "Awesome! Fight!"'s coming from the crowd behind him. Riku groaned from the pain the hit had caused him, trying to remove the other's grip on him. It didn't do him much good though. Axel was much stronger than he looked.

"You don't know me, but I think you might know my boyfriend," the redhead said venomously, his voice low enough for only Riku to really hear what he was saying.

At that, Riku suddenly remembered that night when he and Sora had met Roxas and some guy. The redhead pinning him against a wall just happened to be that 'some guy'. As the realization of what this happened to be about dawned upon Riku's face, Axel's fist collided with him again, sending him down on the pavement with a loud thud. Axel was so angry that he couldn't think straight. Wiping some blood from a cut on his cheek, Riku got up from the ground before launching himself at Axel.

The hit Riku delivered to Axel's jaw, much to the liking of the crowd watching, made the redhead lose his balance a little, and he stumbled a few steps backwards. Narrowing his eyes to a dark scowl as he let his thumb graze across the cut in his lip, Axel made his way close to Riku, before sending his fist hard into the other male's abdomen. The redhead proceeded to kick the other in the groin with his knee as hard as he possibly could. Riku doubled over, letting out a groan followed by a string of curses. Axel was about to deliver another punch to the younger male, when two pairs of hands grabbed him and pulled him away.

"What the _hell, _Axel?!" Demyx questioned loudly as he and Zexion tugged at Axel to get him away from the crowd, ignoring the redhead's angry protests. "This is not like you at all, man!" Every part of Demyx's usual childish cheeriness was drained from his voice, replaced by concern.

"Get off me!" Axel growled, violently pulling himself out of the grip of his friends. Before they could say anything, the redhead started running down another street. Demyx cast Zexion a worried glance. The shorter boy put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder to prevent him from running after Axel.

"Let him go," Zexion said gently. He knew what this had been about. He knew Axel would have to calm down alone now. He wouldn't want to talk. Demyx's eyebrows furrowed in worry as he looked at his boyfriend, green eyes filled with confusion.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Zexion nodded, before the two started making their way home.

-

Roxas entered Axel's apartment, a small smile written upon his lips. He was sure now... Of all the feelings inside of him, the one that burned the brightest now was what he felt for Axel.

-

Axel ran quickly, heading for his apartment. His blood was pumping so fast, and he still felt so angry. It had felt bloody good hitting Riku, causing him pain for hurting Roxas. But still, he somehow knew it had been wrong. He knew he shouldn't have done it, after Roxas told him not to. What would he tell the blonde? How could he say that Riku knew Roxas had told someone?

Having reached his apartment building, Axel slowed down to a walk. Stopping for a minute to catch his breath, he leaned against the wall next to the door. He hoped Roxas was okay... after the incident earlier that day, Axel felt slightly uneasy about seeing him again. What if Roxas was mad at him? Taking a deep breath, he made his way inside and up the stairs.

The redhead spent about five minutes outside his door, before finally unlocking it and walking inside. He put his guitar down, before discarding his jacket and shoes. He walked inside to find Roxas sitting on the couch. The blonde looked up as Axel entered, smiling gently. "Hi Axel," he said, getting up.

"Hey," he said, returning the smile. "How... are you feeling?" His question was soft. Roxas nodded a little as he walked over to the older male.

"I'm okay," he answered. His cerulean eyes fell upon Axel's lips, and his face got a worried look. "What happened to your lip?" he asked, reaching out to carefully graze a finger over the small cut. Axel shook his head, a sheepish smile spreading across his lips.

"I sort of walked into a door... Didn't see where I was going," he said, a slightly nervous laugh passing his lips. Bringing a hand to brush through his hair, he sighed. A door? Couldn't he have come up with something better? Roxas shook his head lightly, a small laugh escaping him.

"You should be careful," he whispered, his gaze seeking out Axel's emerald orbs. Roxas' heart was beating so fast. He didn't know how to word what he wanted to say now. He just...

His train of thoughts were cut off as Axel walked over to the window. Roxas sighed, turning around to look at the redhead. "Axel…?" he said lowly. The redhead turned and looked at him with his deep emerald eyes,

"Yes?" Axel asked, turning his face to look at the blonde again. Roxas slowly walked across the room, over to the redhead. Without warning, Roxas wrapped his arms around the taller male's waist, hugging him tightly.

Axel's eyes widened in surprise at Roxas' sudden sign of affection, wondering what could have caused it. He let out a shaky breath, before he responded to the embrace by lacing his arms around the blonde's back. Roxas exhaled softly, letting a single tear roll down his face.

"I love you, too," Roxas whispered, his fingers curling into the fabric of Axel's clothing. The redhead's breath hitched slightly as he let his arms drop, pulling away. His emerald eyes wide, he looked at the boy.

"What did you say?" he asked breathlessly. He didn't believe it... His ears were messing with him; he couldn't have heard what he thought. His heart was beating so fast.

"I love you, Axel," Roxas said, leading his hand up to gently touch Axel's face. "I love you." The blonde took Axel's face in between his hands, leading him down until he was close enough. Roxas smiled gently before he pressed his lips against Axel's. Finally, he knew this was right. He knew that he really felt for Axel.

The older male was still trying to process what was happening. Roxas had really said he loved him back? His heart was fluttering as he wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, bringing their bodies closer together as they kissed.

Entangling his fingers with crimson locks of hair, Roxas pulled the redhead even nearer, deepening their kiss. He let his tongue graze Axel's lips, before the redhead allowed him access. Roxas led one of his hands in between their bodies, resting on Axel's chest. He could feel the redhead's heart beating beneath his palm. So Axel really felt like that too?

Slowly pulling away, Roxas gazed into emerald orbs yet again. "I..." he begun, as a small blush spread upon his face. He'd given this so much thought while waiting for Axel to return. He wanted to forget about all the bad things happening, he wanted to be with Axel. He wanted to be with the person he loved, just for the sake of that. "I want to try..." He placed another small kiss on the redhead's lips. "I want to be with you," he whispered, the sweet smile finding his lips again. "Fully..."

With that, he took Axel's hand, leading him to the bedroom. Even though it didn't take long, it seemed like each step took an eternity. His heart was beating faster and faster, it would probably not be able to beat much faster soon. Finally reaching the bedroom, Roxas closed the door behind them. He turned to look at the redhead. Axel's expression was hard to read. Walking over to the older, Roxas put his hands softly upon Axel's chest.

"Roxas..." Axel whispered, taking the blonde's hands in his own. Roxas looked at him with a slightly worried expression.

Oh god, maybe Axel was having second thoughts? Maybe he regretted telling Roxas he loved him... Maybe—his thoughts didn't reach further before Axel pressed his lips against Roxas'.

It was like their first kiss, soft, tender and full of deep emotions. It made Roxas' chest do a small leap, it felt so nice. Pulling away slowly, the redhead cupped Roxas' face with his hand.

"You shouldn't feel like this is something you _have_ to do," he said gently, his emerald eyes showing so much affection. Roxas shook his head.

"No, but I want to," he said. His hands trembling slightly, he led them to unbutton the older male's vest. Even though he was sure that he wanted this, he couldn't help but being a little scared. The only experience he'd had with this sort of thing was one of the most painful memories he had, and he couldn't help but fear that he would get hurt again.

Sliding the garment slowly from Axel shoulders, letting go of it so it hit the floor, Roxas kissed Axel again. Now, the redhead laced his arms around Roxas' waist, pulling them closer together again. His tongue requesting access to the blonde's mouth, Axel proceeded to deepen the kiss further.

Now it felt right. His heart was racing quickly, his hands trembling a little. Leading the younger male over to the bed, Axel lied down on top of him. Yes, he wanted this, with the whole of his heart. He didn't want Roxas to dwell in pain anymore. He wanted to give the blonde something else, something that would make him feel loved.

Roxas was breathing heavily against Axel's lips. Kissing the redhead like this was something new. It was much more intense than it had been before. Maybe because he knew what was going to happen?

Roxas gave the older male a slightly puzzled look as Axel sat up a little. The redhead smiled softly, before he pulled his sweater off, tossing it to the floor. Roxas watched with mild fascination, blushing heavily as he realized he'd never seen Axel in any stages of undress. Exhaling shakily, Roxas let his right hand graze the skin of Axel's abdomen, taking in every detail he possibly could. As his fingers traced the contour of one of the redhead's delicate hip bones, the younger male swallowed thickly. He had no idea what he was doing; he just acted on what his instincts told him to do.

A pleasant shudder shot down Axel's back as Roxas' hand travelled slowly down his stomach. Cupping Roxas' face in his hand again, he kissed the boy softly, before he let his hands stroke down Roxas' sides, taking a hold of his sweater at the bottom.

Discarding the garment, this also landing on the floor, Axel smiled gently as he leaned over Roxas again. Letting his hands trail carefully up the younger's torso, Axel leaned in to kiss Roxas' neck.

Roxas' breath hitched as he felt Axel's lips on his neck, while those hands travelled up his body. Axel's hands were so warm, so soft and careful. And it felt so good. As Axel's fingers reached his nipples, rolling them in between his fingers, Roxas bit down on his lips, suppressing the small moan building in his throat. How could Axel make him feel like his whole body was on fire with so simple touches?

Slowly kissing and nibbling his way down Roxas' neck, leaving small red marks behind, Axel traced the boy's collar-bone with his lips, before his mouth replaced one of his hands on a hardened nipple. He could hear the blonde gasp lowly; though it was obvious he was trying to hide it. Sucking lightly at the flesh, Axel let his tongue graze it playfully. It felt so absolutely wonderful, being with Roxas like this.

As Axel did these things to him, Roxas screwed his eyes shut, bringing a hand to his face to bite down on his finger. A blush has spread across his cheeks, as a result of Axel's doings. Oh god, it really felt nice having the redhead touch him. Yet, he was so sensitive; every time Axel did something, the blonde had to choke back a sound. He was embarrassed by it; he didn't want Axel to hear.

His cerulean eyes widened as Axel's free hand proceeded down his stomach, before reaching the top of his jeans. He wasn't going to...? As Axel pulled away from his torso and unzipped the blonde's jeans with both hands in smooth movements, Roxas started panicking slightly.

"A-Axel...?" Roxas' voice was shaking slightly as he looked at the redhead. Axel looked up at him with a reassuring smile as he pulled Roxas' pants off.

Roxas' blush was worse than ever now. He hadn't really thought about Axel having to see him naked. As the redhead let his hands slowly tug the younger male's boxers off, Roxas' breath sped up slightly. It was all very new to him, being touched. What Riku had done to him didn't even count. Axel's touches felt like they were from a completely different world, so skilled and caring.

Roxas almost gasped for air as Axel's long, slender fingers wrapped around his semi-erect manhood. "Oh..." the blonde whimpered, failing to hold back a small, pleasured groan.

Axel leaned over him again, capturing Roxas' lips with his as he slowly pumped the blonde's shaft. Roxas was absolutely overwhelmed. He could never have imagined how much his body reacted to Axel's hands. He could feel himself growing harder inside Axel's hand. His breath was getting heavier against Axel's lips.

Leaving one last kiss on Roxas' lips, Axel pulled his hand away from the blonde's manhood.

"You sure you want this, Roxas?" he questioned softly, a warm expression written on his face. The blonde looked at him for a few seconds, before nodding slowly.

"Yes, I do..." he breathed. Axel nodded, before he unzipped his black jeans, discarding them on the floor also. Roxas swallowed, his eyes roaming across the redhead's almost naked body.

Axel was seriously so beautiful, with his ivory skin and slim frame. His muscles were so nicely toned, the blonde started to feel a little embarrassed by his own body. He was slim, yes sure, but he didn't have muscles like that.

If possible, Roxas blush deepened even more as his eyes fell on Axel's crotch, noticing the obvious bulge there. He tried desperately not to look as Axel removed his last garment, leaving both of the boys naked. Axel smiled softly as he noticed Roxas' flustered condition, leaning over him to kiss him gently. After pulling away again, Axel led two fingers to his mouth, covering them with saliva.

"Okay," he said softly, leaning in to kiss Roxas' nose. "This might be a little uncomfortable and weird, but it won't hurt."

Roxas' eyes widened slightly as he understood what Axel was about to do. _'Oh damn...'_ he thought, as the redhead placed one of his fingers at the younger male's entrance, sliding it in as carefully as he could.

Roxas' breath hitched at the strange sensation. It wasn't painful at all, just... weird. Axel slid his finger in and out of the blonde a few times to let him adjust, before adding another finger. This time Roxas whimpered softly. Axel brought their lips together to assure Roxas it was okay. After a while, he slipped a third finger inside Roxas. The blonde softly bit down on Axel's lip, groaning slightly as a small sting of pain shot through him.

After another short while, Axel removed his fingers. Leaning fully over the younger boy, he leaned in close to the boy's ear. "I want you to be absolutely certain about this, love," Axel whispered. Roxas' heart did another leap. How could Axel be so fantastically caring in every way? Swallowing thickly, Roxas nodded.

"I am," he muttered. Axel sighed softly, sitting back. He reached to his nightstand, pulling a drawer open. He had a bottle of lube there, and this would be the proper time to put it to use. He wanted things to go as smooth as possible. He didn't want to cause Roxas any unnecessary pain. He opened the bottle, poring a small amount into the palm of his hand, before throwing the bottle to the floor. He smeared the liquid on his member, looking softly at Roxas as he did so. Placing himself between the blonde's legs, Axel prepared to push himself inside.

A sting of fear shot through Roxas as Axel placed himself at his entrance. He knew Axel wouldn't want to hurt him, but somehow he knew that there was no way to go through with this without pain. Clenching his teeth, Roxas tried to get ready for what was yet to come.

Nothing in the world could have prepared the blonde enough for the pain shooting through him as Axel pushed himself inside him, though. Axel was bigger than Riku had been, that was certain.

Whimpering, Roxas bit down on his lip, his hands grasping the sheets desperately. Starting to panic, the blonde couldn't stop the sob leaving him. Axel did his best to stay as still as he could, terrified that he would hurt Roxas if he couldn't avoid it.

"Shhh, Roxas, you have to relax," Axel whispered soothingly, kissing away a tear that ran down the blonde's face. "I know it hurts, but I'm not going to move until you feel okay."

Roxas nodded, trying to bite back the new tears that were building in his eyes. The pain was immense; his whole body was trembling as he tried to adjust to Axel's size.

Taking a few deep breaths, he opened his eyes again, looking at the redhead above him. Axel looked so worried, troubled, pleasured and pained, all at once. Roxas knew Axel was so afraid to hurt him. Smiling gently, he led his hand to Axel's face, entangling with a few strands of crimson hair.

"Axel..." he breathed softly, connecting their gazes. "Gods... I love you," he smiled, pulling Axel's face down so he could kiss him. The older male's warm, soft lips took some of Roxas' focus away from the pain. Even though his heart was pounding like never before, the blonde could finally relax a little. He loved Axel. He would trust him with his life; which the redhead had saved more than once. He would be dead without Axel.

As they pulled back out of their kiss, Roxas nodded gently. "Move," he told Axel softly. The redhead looked at him as if he was asking if he was completely sure. Roxas brought their lips together again, this time in a deeper, longer kiss. When he pulled away, he sighed softly. "Move," he repeated, giving the redhead a reassuring look.

As gently as he could, Axel started moving his hips, pulling himself almost out of the blonde before pushing back in. Roxas bit his lip again. It still hurt, but not nearly as much anymore. The pain was starting to make way for another sensation, though Roxas couldn't name it yet. Looking up at Axel's face, Roxas' heart skipped a beat. The redhead was absolutely gorgeous, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly agape, his face having pleasure written across it. Roxas still couldn't believe that he was here with Axel, that it wasn't all just a dream.

The blonde led his hands to the back of Axel's head, entangling his fingers with the long, crimson hair. The redhead opened his eyes, meeting with half-lidded cerulean ones. Leaning down, Axel brought their lips in contact yet again.

Trying to remember how to breathe, Roxas started moving his own hips slightly in motion with Axel's slow thrusts. He was starting to feel good about this, the way Axel's body seemed to fit so well together with his.

Biting softly down on the redhead's bottom lip, Roxas moaned softly into Axel's mouth as the older male's manhood grazed a spot inside of him. "Hnnn... Axel..." Roxas uttered, his hands tugging gently at the older male's hair. The blonde felt slightly pathetic, not being able to control the sounds he made. But he felt so good; he couldn't do anything about it.

Pleasure. That was certainly the feeling building up inside of him. He felt so safe, so warm, so loved, and the thrusts from Axel's hips were just so skilled. The redhead's breathing was hot and heavy on Roxas' skin. Letting one of his hands slide in between their bodies, Axel wrapped his hand around Roxas' member, rubbing his thumb gently across the head.

At this, Roxas threw his head back, panting heavily. Dear gods, Axel did magic to him. So this was really how this was supposed to be... What he had feared so much after Riku had raped him. What Axel was doing was so different, it couldn't be compared.

As Axel started pumping him in the same slow rhythm as his hips were thrusting, Roxas bit gently down at the redhead's shoulder to stop himself from moaning, though it didn't do him much good. Axel's hand working his manhood and Axel moving inside of him, every so often making contact with that special spot; it was too much.

Moaning into Axel's ear, Roxas started panting heavily. He didn't want to contain his sounds anymore. He didn't care if it was embarrassing, he couldn't stop them from escaping. Inside him the most fantastic feelings he'd ever felt were raging.

His hips started bucking faster against the redhead, encouraging him to speed up his thrusts a little. It felt like he was melting together with Axel. They just fit so perfectly together, it seemed like nothing would be able to tear them apart.

Axel willingly quickened the pace of his hips a little when Roxas seemed eager for him to do so. It was almost painful, how many different kinds of good emotions ran through him. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to keep going much longer. He was glad the blonde had finally stopped denying his sounds. He'd never heard anything as beautiful as Roxas' moans.

Making sure to try and hit Roxas' magical bundle of nerves as much as he could, Axel pumped the younger male's shaft faster, as the knot inside his stomach just kept tightening. "Gods... Rox..." he panted into the blonde's ear, wanting to send his love into pure bliss.

As Axel sped up his hand movements yet again, Roxas was pushed closer to his edge by the second. He wanted to come so badly now. Hearing Axel's heavy breaths and low moans, knowing that he and he alone was the reason behind them, it made him feel incredible.

Keeping one of his hands in Axel's hair, the other clawing helplessly at Axel's back, Roxas couldn't hold back more. With a loud cry, all of the blonde's muscles tensed, before he spilled his seed across Axel's hand and their bellies. The waves of his orgasm were so intense, so warm and powerful, Roxas thought he was about to die. He held onto Axel like a lifeline, his body trembling as pleasure rang through him.

The redhead, who'd had problems not tipping over the edge already, had no chance of holding back as Roxas' muscles tightened around him. With a deep moan, he let himself go, falling into euphoria as his orgasm took over, releasing inside Roxas. Not long after, the two males collapsed, breathing heavily.

Shifting his position so that they were more side by side, Roxas resting his head upon Axel's chest, the redhead let out a gentle sigh. The younger male stayed still, trying to regain control of his breathing as he listened to the thumping inside of Axel's chest.

"Your heart is beating so fast..." he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek. "Just like mine."

Axel didn't say anything as response, he just brought his hand to brush gently though Roxas' golden locks, smiling gently. After a while, the younger crept closer to the redhead, nuzzling his head into the crook of Axel's neck. "I heard the song..." he said, his voice a low, sweet whisper. Even though he couldn't see Axel's face, he knew the redhead was shocked.

"You... were there?" Axel asked. Roxas simply nodded, inhaling Axel's scent.

"It was beautiful..." he said, a gentle smile crossing his lips. "Thank you."

Axel responded by wrapping his arms around the younger, keeping him as close as he possibly could.

"If I died in your arms now, I would be happy..." Roxas sighed after a while. This was a completely new feeling to him. He was exhausted, yet he was so happy, filled with afterglow of what he and Axel had done. He was so warm, pressed up against Axel's body in the bed, having his hair stroked in such a gentle way. And for the first time he could remember, he felt loved.

The world and all the fucked up things in it could wait. Nothing but this really mattered to Roxas at the moment.

-

___AN:__ Finished! Yay! That lemon took half of my heart to write! Yes, I can write sadomasochistic, rough, kinky lemons any time, but something _supposed_ to be more soft was hard to write! And I probably failed so badly it hurts your eyes! Again, I'm so sorry for all the time I spent! I'm sorry to keep some of you waiting, and most of you probably didn't even remember that this story existed! But, I'll try to be better! My life is actually working again, so we'll see! Thank you to all my readers, for being encouraging, supporting and for just plain out reading this! And if you were wondering, yes, Roxas' cell phone just magically happened to be there! Review and I will be very, very happy! Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar and sprinkles and other things that make you happy on top!_

___Cookies and a gigantic hug for reviewers!_

___PS: The song 'Do You Remember' belongs to The Summer Obsession. You should listen to it! Their music is fantastic; I love it so much! And I seriously recommend their album 'This is Where You Belong'! That's all for now! Much love!_


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